Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Your heartfelt request has been received with prayerful attention and compassion. The pain of loving faithfully for so many years and then facing separation is heavy, and it is right to bring that sorrow before the Lord. He hears the tears of those who grieve and He does not despise a broken and contrite heart.
There is a sorrow that leads to life. When we grieve not only for loss but for our need of God, that godly sorrow works repentance and brings a joy that does not fade. Even those who have fallen deeply can be made honorable again when warmed by repentance and turned in love toward Christ, who alone is the lover of mankind and the only way of salvation. If in this long relationship there was physical intimacy outside of marriage, bring that also into the light before Him. Confess it plainly, receive His forgiveness through Jesus Christ alone, and resolve by His grace to walk in purity from this day forward. God forgives fully, and He also calls us to a new way.
It is good that you see clearly that an open relationship does not heal wounds. It only adds more pain, shame and brokenness. Marriage as God designed it is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and love that is true seeks faithfulness, not division. It is right to pray that such an idea be taken completely from her heart, and that both of you be kept from every provision for the flesh that would kindle lust rather than health and holiness. Pray instead for purity of heart and for wisdom to keep your bodies and minds as offerings to God.
You have shown kindness in providing and in wanting her to know she is not a burden. That desire to protect and to be gentle is honorable. Yet love cannot force another heart to open, and prayer is not a means to make someone miss you or to bind her thoughts to you. The Lord remembers us and calls us to remember Him continually, and when we carry Him in our thoughts we learn to choose what is good and to leave the outcome in His hands. So pray not that she be compelled to return, but that God would heal her heart from past wounds, lift the spirit of fear, and make her whole in Christ, whether that healing leads back to you in a holy marriage or leads you both on separate paths according to His perfect will.
Your longing for a wife and family is itself good. Marriage is not impure, but it is a serious calling for companionship, for the keeping of a home, and for the raising of children in the fear of God. It requires sobriety and faithfulness, and it is best entered when both persons are able to give and receive love openly within that covenant. If the Lord does restore this relationship, pray that it would be restored as a clear movement toward such a covenant, with counsel, accountability and chastity until vows are made. If He does not, trust that He is able to guide you to the right woman or guide her to you in His timing, not through bars or fleeting encounters but through a life lived steadily before Him.
We join you in praying for these things.
Father in heaven, in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son through whom alone we have salvation, have mercy. Heal this man’s sorrow and keep him from bitterness. Grant him strength to endure without reviling, and turn his tears into growth in grace. Forgive what needs forgiveness and cleanse what needs cleansing, and help him to walk in purity and in remembrance of You each day. Heal this woman of past heartbreak, of coldness and self protection, and of the thought that she is a burden. Strengthen her body for the medical tests before her, guard her daughters, and provide for their needs. Take away every thought of an open relationship and teach both hearts the beauty of faithful love. Provide for financial needs according to Your wisdom, and teach contentment while You supply what is needed, that neither covetousness nor anxiety would rule. If it is Your will, bring restoration in a way that honors You and leads to holy marriage. If not, close that door with peace and open a new one filled with mutual love, openness and commitment in You. Above all let Your will be done and let both lives be conformed to Christ. Amen.
Continue to seek the Lord daily, to guard your heart, to remain in fellowship and in the Scriptures, and to let your mouth and mind be exercised in thanksgiving and prayer. God is faithful, and He will not forget those who remember Him.
There is a sorrow that leads to life. When we grieve not only for loss but for our need of God, that godly sorrow works repentance and brings a joy that does not fade. Even those who have fallen deeply can be made honorable again when warmed by repentance and turned in love toward Christ, who alone is the lover of mankind and the only way of salvation. If in this long relationship there was physical intimacy outside of marriage, bring that also into the light before Him. Confess it plainly, receive His forgiveness through Jesus Christ alone, and resolve by His grace to walk in purity from this day forward. God forgives fully, and He also calls us to a new way.
It is good that you see clearly that an open relationship does not heal wounds. It only adds more pain, shame and brokenness. Marriage as God designed it is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and love that is true seeks faithfulness, not division. It is right to pray that such an idea be taken completely from her heart, and that both of you be kept from every provision for the flesh that would kindle lust rather than health and holiness. Pray instead for purity of heart and for wisdom to keep your bodies and minds as offerings to God.
You have shown kindness in providing and in wanting her to know she is not a burden. That desire to protect and to be gentle is honorable. Yet love cannot force another heart to open, and prayer is not a means to make someone miss you or to bind her thoughts to you. The Lord remembers us and calls us to remember Him continually, and when we carry Him in our thoughts we learn to choose what is good and to leave the outcome in His hands. So pray not that she be compelled to return, but that God would heal her heart from past wounds, lift the spirit of fear, and make her whole in Christ, whether that healing leads back to you in a holy marriage or leads you both on separate paths according to His perfect will.
Your longing for a wife and family is itself good. Marriage is not impure, but it is a serious calling for companionship, for the keeping of a home, and for the raising of children in the fear of God. It requires sobriety and faithfulness, and it is best entered when both persons are able to give and receive love openly within that covenant. If the Lord does restore this relationship, pray that it would be restored as a clear movement toward such a covenant, with counsel, accountability and chastity until vows are made. If He does not, trust that He is able to guide you to the right woman or guide her to you in His timing, not through bars or fleeting encounters but through a life lived steadily before Him.
We join you in praying for these things.
Father in heaven, in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son through whom alone we have salvation, have mercy. Heal this man’s sorrow and keep him from bitterness. Grant him strength to endure without reviling, and turn his tears into growth in grace. Forgive what needs forgiveness and cleanse what needs cleansing, and help him to walk in purity and in remembrance of You each day. Heal this woman of past heartbreak, of coldness and self protection, and of the thought that she is a burden. Strengthen her body for the medical tests before her, guard her daughters, and provide for their needs. Take away every thought of an open relationship and teach both hearts the beauty of faithful love. Provide for financial needs according to Your wisdom, and teach contentment while You supply what is needed, that neither covetousness nor anxiety would rule. If it is Your will, bring restoration in a way that honors You and leads to holy marriage. If not, close that door with peace and open a new one filled with mutual love, openness and commitment in You. Above all let Your will be done and let both lives be conformed to Christ. Amen.
Continue to seek the Lord daily, to guard your heart, to remain in fellowship and in the Scriptures, and to let your mouth and mind be exercised in thanksgiving and prayer. God is faithful, and He will not forget those who remember Him.
