friendship

[Anonymous]

Can you please pray for my friendship? I thought things were getting better, but something happened yesterday that made me realize there may still be deeper issues between us.

This friend knows the Lord too, and I know there has been growth and repentance on both sides. I also know I haven’t been perfect. I wasn't always honest with her in the past, but there were times when I wasn’t completely open because I didn’t feel safe sharing certain things. In the past, when I did share, she would sometimes use things against me later, react poorly, tell others, or get involved in ways that weren't appropriate. Over the course of our friendship, I’ve also felt hurt when she seemed to intentionally irritate, demean, belittle, or manipulate me. She even allowed some people to say things about me that were totally false/wicked - and while she defended me to some degree, she actually thought there was some credibility to them. Of course, since all of this, there have been apologies, repentance, and we've both worked on ourselves and the friendship, but then with this incident yesterday, which was minor but still troublesome, I'm worried that maybe there hasn't been that much growth.

I’m not sure whether she recognizes that what happened yesterday was manipulative, whether it came from jealousy, pride, or something else. I don’t want to be the one to point it out—I want the Holy Spirit to reveal anything in her heart that needs to change. Please pray that the Lord would open her eyes and gently show her where she is wrong and bring healing to whatever is underneath it.

Please also pray for me. I know I have my own anxiety about upsetting her, which isn't from God, and sometimes I’ve held onto bitterness because I’ve felt like I’ve continually tried to support her and be there for her, only to still be hurt by the way she treats me throughout the years. I also recognize that I’ve sometimes tried to do too much and “fix” things for her (whether sending money, trying to help her find employment, or offering for her to live with me) instead of letting God be God in her life. I’ve repented of that and am learning to step back.

I think there is still a communication and trust issue between us. I don’t want to be dishonest, but I also find myself being careful about what I share because of what has happened in the past—and yesterday brought some of those feelings back. I think she may even sense that I’m not completely open with her, which makes things more complicated and probably hurts her feelings.

Please pray that the Lord would bring to light the deepest things buried in both of our hearts—the hurt, fear, insecurity, anxiety, resentment, or anything else that may be affecting this friendship. I know I still carry hurt from things that have happened, because when something like yesterday happens, it brings those memories back even when I thought I had already released them and healed from them.

Please pray that the Lord would continue to heal both of us, give us wisdom in how to communicate, remove anything that is not from Him, and help us love each other in a healthy and godly way—with honesty, grace, forgiveness, and healthy boundaries. Most of all, I want God’s will for this friendship, not my own. And I do want to say that, in so many ways, she's been a wonderful friend, and again I have made my share of mistakes, but I just feel like she's not even totally aware of what she's doing sometimes - it is probably subconscious. But I know the Holy Spirit can bring it to awareness. Sometimes I haven't been aware of my own feelings and actions - but I am trying to be now - so I'm sure I still need greater awareness too. Anyway, I'd really appreciate the prayer. Thank you!

 

[Articles]

We thank you for sharing this so honestly and with such humility, and we join you in seeking the Lord's will for this friendship. We hear how much you value this friend and how sincerely you both have sought repentance and growth, and we also hear the pain and confusion that yesterday's incident stirred up again. It is good that you recognize your own part and that you desire God's healing more than simply keeping the peace, for that is the heart that God can work with.

We want to gently address several things you mentioned in light of Scripture. You shared that you were not always honest because you did not feel safe, and that when you did share she would sometimes use things against you, tell others, or get involved in ways that were not appropriate. The Word tells us to put away falsehood and speak truth each one with his neighbor, for we are members of one another in Ephesians 4:25, and to speak the truth in love in Ephesians 4:15. Dishonesty, even when it comes from fear or self protection, still needs repentance, and at the same time what you describe on her part - using confidences against you, telling others, demeaning, belittling, manipulating, and even giving credibility to false and wicked things said about you - is also sin that grieves the Lord. A gossip separates close friends in Proverbs 16:28, and love does not behave itself inappropriately and does not seek its own way in 1 Corinthians 13:5. Jealousy, pride, and manipulation are works of the flesh, not the fruit of the Spirit, and they wound trust deeply.

You also mentioned anxiety about upsetting her, bitterness from feeling you have continually tried to support her while still being hurt, and trying to fix things for her by sending money, finding employment, or offering housing. We gently rebuke anxiety and bitterness, not to shame you but because Scripture calls us to something better. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self control in 2 Timothy 1:7, and we are told in Philippians 4:6-7 to in no anxiety be anxious, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let our requests be made known to God. Bitterness is a root that defiles many in Hebrews 12:15, and we are called to let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from us, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave us in Ephesians 4:31-32. Your desire to help was loving, but we cannot be God in another person's life. Each one shall bear his own burden in Galatians 6:5, while also bearing one another's burdens in Galatians 6:2, which requires wisdom and healthy boundaries. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life in Proverbs 4:23.

We also hear your heart to not point out what happened yesterday but to want the Holy Spirit to reveal it. We agree that only the Holy Spirit can truly convict and bring deep change, and we love your prayer in Psalm 139:23-24 to search me, God, and know my heart. Yet Scripture also calls us in love to speak truth to one another. If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone in Matthew 18:15, and if anyone is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness in Galatians 6:1. It is not unloving to name a hurt with gentleness and humility, it is part of walking in the light as he is in the light in 1 John 1:7 so that fellowship can be real. Withholding truth to keep peace can actually keep trust from healing, and we encourage you to ask the Lord for wisdom and timing to communicate honestly, with grace and forgiveness and healthy boundaries, rather than staying in careful silence that she may sense and be hurt by.

We noticed your request speaks of the Lord and the Holy Spirit, but does not mention the name of Jesus Christ. We want to gently remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and that we are saved. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me in John 14:6, and there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved in Acts 4:12. If we confess our sins and trust in Jesus who died and rose again for us, we are forgiven and reconciled to God, and only then can we truly forgive and be healed in our relationships. We encourage you to be sure your trust and your friend's trust is fully in Jesus Christ alone.

We pray together for you both. Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, and we lift this dear friendship to You. Lord, You know the history, the hurts, the apologies, the repentance, and the lingering wounds that yesterday brought to the surface again. We ask You to search both hearts and try them, to reveal what is buried - hurt, fear, insecurity, anxiety, resentment, pride, jealousy - and to bring it into Your light so it can be healed. Forgive us for every time we have spoken falsehood, gossiped, manipulated, demeaned, held bitterness, or acted in fear instead of faith. Wash us in the blood of Jesus and help us to forgive as You in Christ forgave us in Colossians 3:13. Heal the memories that still sting, and help our friend to see clearly any manipulation or pride that remains, not to condemn her but to set her free. Give us both wisdom in how and when to speak, courage to speak the truth in love, and grace to listen well. Teach us to love in a healthy and godly way, with honesty, grace, forgiveness, and boundaries that honor You. Remove anything that is not from You and let Your will be done in this friendship, whether that means deeper restoration or a different shape for the days ahead. We cast all our anxiety on You because You care for us in 1 Peter 5:7, and we ask for Your peace to guard our hearts. We thank You that You who began a good work will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ in Philippians 1:6. Let this friendship, in whatever form You will it to take, sharpen each one as iron sharpens iron in Proverbs 27:17 and bring glory to Your name. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to continue in prayer, in the Word, and in honest, gentle communication when the Lord gives opportunity, and to seek wise, godly counsel from a mature believer or pastor who can walk with you both. Trust the Lord to be your defender and your healer, and keep choosing forgiveness even as trust is rebuilt slowly with wisdom.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for sharing this so honestly. We hear how much you care about this friendship and how discouraging it felt when a small moment yesterday stirred up so much old hurt and worry that the growth you both have worked for might not be as solid as you hoped.

What you describe makes sense. When there has been a history of feeling unsafe to be open, of words being used against you or shared with others, and of feeling belittled or manipulated, trust rebuilds slowly. Wanting to be honest but also feeling careful about what you share is not failure, it is your heart trying to protect both the friendship and yourself. And when old memories surface after you thought you had released them, it does not mean you have not forgiven or healed. Emotional healing often takes longer than a decision to forgive, and tender moments can bring past pain back to the surface for a time.

We are encouraged that you are noticing the pattern of trying to fix things for her and are learning to step back and let God carry what is His to carry. Healthy boundaries are like a property line, they help each person take responsibility for what is theirs and they actually preserve freedom and love in a friendship so a yes can be yes and a no can be no.

A gentle next step when something like yesterday happens might be to give yourself a little space to pray before you decide how or whether to address it, and to talk it through first with one wise, steady believer who knows you both well. That can help you sort what is yours to own, what is hers, and what needs a calm, brief conversation about expectations going forward.

Father, we lift this friendship to You. Bring to light what is hidden in both hearts and gently heal what still hurts. Give our friend wisdom and peace as she seeks to love honestly with grace and healthy boundaries, and give her friend eyes to see what You want her to see. Lead them both toward what is whole and pleasing to You. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Windwold]

Praying for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[usha rani]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your burden has been brought before the Lord and we have prayed with you concerning this friendship.

We thank God that you both know the Lord and that there has already been growth and repentance on both sides. Where sin has been confessed, there is forgiveness with Him, and that forgiveness is a divine and complete forgiveness. As it is written, there is forgiveness with God, and He says, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. He does not forgive as man forgives, saying I forgive but I will not trust again. When you make a clean breast in confession He gives a clean breast by absolution, and He will not remember thy sins. If you have put your trust in the atoning sacrifice, then God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you, not at some future period, but now, and that forgiveness is eternal. Whatever your past dishonesty or fear, whatever bitterness or attempts to fix what only God can fix, bring it again to Christ and trust Him for this very thing. He is worthy of your heart's trust, and to trust Him is to find pardon at once, without money and without price.

We have prayed that the Holy Spirit would bring to light the deepest things buried in both your hearts, the hurt, fear, insecurity, anxiety and resentment that still linger. You have asked that He would gently open your friend's eyes where she is wrong, whether through jealousy or pride or what is yet subconscious, and we join you in asking that He would do the same for you, giving you both greater awareness of your own feelings and actions. May He reveal what is not from Him and remove it, and may He heal the memories that return when a fresh hurt occurs, even when you thought healing had come.

We have prayed also for you, that the Lord would deliver you from that anxiety about upsetting her which is not from God, and from any bitterness that has grown from feeling you have continually tried to support her only to be hurt again. You have rightly repented of trying to take God's place in her life, whether by sending money or seeking employment for her or offering your home beyond what wisdom allowed. We ask the Lord to teach you to step back in love and to let God be God in her life, trusting Christ as you would trust a physician with a disease, not waiting for a certain feeling but trusting Him at once.

And we have prayed that you both may learn to copy the pattern set before us, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Christ forgives in a continuous manner, He forgives and does not afterwards accuse, and His forgiveness is perfect and eternal. Some of you have had so much forgiveness that for you to forgive ought to be as natural as to open your hands. May the Lord give you wisdom in how to communicate, grace to speak the truth in love, and courage to keep healthy boundaries. May He help you to be honest without fear, and to love each other in a healthy and godly way with honesty, grace, forgiveness and restraint.

We have asked that the Lord would do what is best for this friendship according to His will, not yours, that He would establish what should remain and remove what should not, and that He would make you both more like Christ through it. Do not make a god out of your feelings, but trust the Lord Jesus Christ with this very friendship, and as you trust Him while you feel yourself sinking, you shall find that He makes you to swim.

May the Lord keep you near the place where forgiveness is found, which is with Him, and may you know the certainty of that word, there is forgiveness, and the peace that comes from fearing Him with a childlike fear.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

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