Friendship

[Anonymous]

Initially a woman I asked to hang out with outside of work was very enthusiastic about it. Replying immediately to my texts. Verbalizing in person about it and expressing interest in a friendship. We trade services at work. Then, I've asked again maybe a month and two weeks later to confirm a day and time. But, she doesn't seem to reply or show any interest at hanging out. I want clarity on this. I care about her so much. I waited a bit to not allow my own desires to become my choices. As I think I accidentally called her gorgeous and she liked the compliment. Yet, it was in a work setting. She confirmed she still was interested in the beach after that. I'm putting all the effort, and I don't see her asking too. I don't know what this. Maybe, it remains best as the work trade only. I'm just praying and praying. I haven't liked anyone at this degree in so long. I take such small steps with her to even approach friendship. She means a great deal to me. I mostly admire her devotion to prayer, her trust in God, being a Christian in the work space, just as myself. And, above all things I think she has a great deal of boundaries. A very humble demeaner. She is younger and wise. Only by ### years. Maybe, this is God's lesson to simply let go. I was very excited for friendship. I just put it off to finish a ### mile cycling challenge on my days off. I don't have many days off. And the first time i asked. she was working the day i went. But still very much excited. So, maybe, I waited too long. And, as I know Jesus as my savior and Gods word. All in God's timing. All is God's will. So I must let go of any and all desire in my heart on this one. I pray this woman finds a great deal of happiness in each of her days.

 

[Articles]

We hear the tenderness and sincerity in your heart and we join you in bringing this before the Lord. We admire your desire to honor God even in a workplace friendship, to take small steps, to wait and not let desire alone drive your choices, and to respect her boundaries and her devotion to prayer. That kind of restraint is Christlike and we thank God for it.

We also want to gently speak truth to you in love. You say you have not liked anyone to this degree in so long, that you care so much, that you are putting in all the effort, and that you called her gorgeous in a work setting. We understand that admiration, but we encourage you to examine your heart honestly. What you are describing sounds like more than friendship, it sounds like a growing romantic interest and a hope for courtship. Scripture calls us to treat younger women as sisters, in all purity, 1 Timothy 5:2, and to guard our hearts with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life, Proverbs 4:23. A compliment like gorgeous, even if well meant, can blur the line between brotherly friendship and romantic pursuit, especially at work where we are called to do all things in a way that honors God and respects others, Colossians 3:23. If your heart is moving toward her as a potential wife, it is good to be honest with God and yourself about that, because courtship in the biblical sense is not casual dating or prolonged ambiguous friendship, but a purposeful season of getting to know another believer with marriage in view. We believe marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, and when a Christian man and woman consider one another, it should be with that holy commitment in mind, and only with another believer, for do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, 2 Corinthians 6:14. We are encouraged that you both share faith in Christ, which is the essential foundation.

The lack of reply after her initial enthusiasm is painful, but it is also a form of clarity. Sometimes enthusiasm cools, circumstances change, or a sister in Christ chooses to keep a firm boundary, and that boundary itself is to be respected as wisdom, not rejected. Her humble demeanor and boundaries that you admire may be the very reason she is stepping back. We encourage you not to press anxiously or to keep pursuing when effort is not reciprocated. Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight, Proverbs 3:5-6. If you have not already, one more brief, kind, and clear message that leaves room for a gracious no is enough, something that confirms you value her as a sister in Christ and respect her time and choices, and then allow her response, or lack of response, to be your answer. To continue to pursue after that would not be loving and could put pressure on her and on your work relationship.

We hear you wrestling with timing, wondering if you waited too long while finishing your cycling challenge and because of work schedules. We want to remind you that God is not constrained by a month and two weeks, what is of Him will not be missed by an honest delay, and what is not of Him cannot be forced by perfect timing. Wait for Yahweh, be strong, and let your heart take courage, yes, wait for Yahweh, Psalm 27:14. Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4, not by clinging to every desire, but by surrendering them to His better will. We know you love Jesus as your Savior and we rejoice in that with you, for it is only through His name we have access to the Father, and there is salvation in no other.

We pray together for you now.

Father, we come before You in Jesus name and lift up our brother and this young woman to You. We thank You for her faithful prayer, her trust in You, and her humble walk, and we thank You for our brother's tender and respectful heart. Lord, grant him wisdom, for if any of us lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him, James 1:5. Give him clarity and peace that surpasses understanding to guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:6-7. Help him to surrender this desire fully to You, to seek first Your Kingdom and Your righteousness, Matthew 6:33, and to trust that You work all things together for good for those who love You, Romans 8:28. If this friendship is to grow into godly courtship that leads toward marriage, make that path unmistakably clear and mutual and pure. If not, give him grace to let go without bitterness, to continue to respect her boundaries, to remain kind and professional where you trade services at work, and to find his joy and completeness in You. We pray for her happiness and flourishing in Christ, that You would bless each of her days, guide her steps, and keep her close to You. Help our brother to keep his eyes on You, to steward his days off and his work well, and to rest in Your perfect timing. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to keep praying but also to release the outcome into God's hands, to stay rooted in fellowship and in the Word, and to let your admiration for her turn into intercession for her rather than rumination. If God wills a friendship or more, He will open the door in a way that honors both of you.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how much this meant to you, and how carefully you've tried to handle it. That early enthusiasm when she replied right away and talked openly about getting together felt encouraging, so it's understandable the quiet since then leaves you wondering what changed.

We appreciate the way you noticed what you admire most in her, her devotion to prayer, her trust in God, her humble way and clear boundaries, and how you want to honor that same kind of steadiness in yourself. Waiting, not pushing with your own hopes, taking time for prayer and for the cycling challenge on your limited days off, shows a lot of thoughtfulness.

Sometimes a friendship starts with real warmth but one person simply doesn't have the time or capacity for more beyond work, and not replying becomes its own quiet answer. Friendship deepens when both people naturally want to make plans and share the effort, and when you find yourself carrying all of it, stepping back can be the kindest way to protect both hearts and keep your work connection respectful.

For this season it may help to let the beach plan rest without asking again, keep your interactions at work warm and brief, and invest your energy in other friendships and community where interest is mutual. That isn't unkind to her, it respects the boundary she seems to be showing and gives you space to find clarity.

Father, we lift our brother to you and ask for peace where there is uncertainty, for wisdom to read the situation with grace, and for companionship that is mutual and encouraging. Bless this woman with joy in her days and guide both of them in your will. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your honesty before the Lord in this matter is itself a mercy, and it is good that you have brought it into the light of prayer rather than letting desire become your guide. You have spoken well when you say, all in God's timing and all is God's will, for there is a Divine will which governs all things, and as surely as God's will is the axle of the universe, so it governs the smallest turnings of our affections and friendships.

You admire in this woman what is most worthy of admiration, her devotion to prayer, her trust in God, her humble demeanour and her boundaries as a Christian in the workplace. That you see these things and praise God for them is right. Yet you also feel the pain of uncertainty, having waited, having taken small and careful steps, having put aside your own desire for a time while you finished other duties, and now finding that the enthusiasm you once saw seems cooled, and that you are putting in all the effort without return.

Hear then the wisdom which Scripture gives us. They said, we will go, we will continue, we will buy, we will sell, we will get gain. But is it not foolish for a man to feel that he can do as he likes and that everything will fall out as he desires, that he can both propose and dispose, and has not to ask God's consent at all. When you say, I will do this or that, always add, in thought if not in words, if the Lord wills. No harm can come to you if you bow to God's sovereign sway. Sometimes even to be passive in the hand of God will be our strength, and to stand still until the cloudy and fiery pillar moves in front of us will be our highest wisdom.

You ask whether this is God's lesson to simply let go. Beseech the Holy Spirit to bow your will to complete subjection. You will never be happy till self is dethroned. There is to be an activity in religion, we are to wrestle and to fight, but side by side with that we are to yield ourselves to the Spirit's impulse, for it is he that worketh in us to will and to do of his own good pleasure. Submission to his divine will is the essence of peace. If you have truly yielded your heart to Christ for salvation, then yield this friendship also to the same hands. The work of the Spirit, which is the effect of the will of God, is to change the human will, and so make men willing in the day of God's power.

Therefore take her quietness as a providence to be respected. A lack of reply, after a clear and kind invitation, is itself a form of clarity, and it is to be received with grace and not with pressing. It is wise and loving to honor her boundaries, to keep the trade of services at work courteous and professional, and to refrain from further pursuit by text or by compliment, however kindly meant. In a work setting, even a word like gorgeous, though it was received kindly, can blur a line that a humble and wise sister wishes to keep clear. Let your care for her now be shown most truly by giving her room, and by not requiring of her a response she has not chosen to give.

Do not think you waited too long and so have spoiled some plan of God. God's promise may tarry, but it never fails, and he who governs all things is not frustrated by a cycling challenge or by a few weeks upon the calendar. Your waiting to test your own desires was not folly but prudence. Now let that same prudence lead you to rest. The Lord is near to you, and how quick will he be to perceive your faith. If you glance an eye to the Cross, the Lord will see it. He sees the feeble as well as the strong. If you have but a grain of mustard seed of faith he will at once discern it. You need not have this friendship to have his nearness, for our best Friend will be there, our Father will be there.

So pray on, but pray thus. Ask not that God would grant a particular outcome according to your desire, but that his royal will would be fulfilled in you and in her. Pray that he would keep you both in holiness, that he would guard your heart from making an idol of affection, that he would make you content in Christ, and that he would lead each of you, if the Lord wills, into the good works he has prepared. It is right to pray, as you have, that she would find a great deal of happiness in each of her days, and we can ask that her happiness may be found most deeply in walking uprightly before the Lord, for no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

May the Lord bow your will to his own, quiet your heart, and give you peace in surrender. May he keep you faithful in the duties he has given you, and may he teach you to find your fullness not in any earthly friendship, however sweet, but in him who is near to all who call upon him in truth.