I have struggled with forgiveness my entire life and God has been working on me with this for the past year or so. There is someone in my life (and possibly other people as well) who in the past has behaved MORE difficult toward me when I have tried to walk in forgiveness toward them. Please pray for me about this. Pray for my perseverance. I also kind of want to pray for this person (and anyone like them) to be removed from my life but I don't know. Thank you.
Forgiveness
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We thank you for sharing this honest struggle with us and we join with you in seeking the Lord's help, for we know how heavy unforgiveness can feel and how difficult it is to keep walking in forgiveness when the other person responds with even more hardness.
We rejoice that you recognize God has been working on you in this area for the past year, for that is His grace drawing you toward freedom. Scripture is clear that forgiveness is not optional for us as believers, but it is also not a feeling that comes naturally. Jesus taught, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses, Matthew 6:14-15. We are called to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, Ephesians 4:32, and to bear with one another and forgive as the Lord forgave us, Colossians 3:13. This does not mean what was done to you was acceptable, and it does not mean you must immediately trust again or pretend there was no wound. Forgiveness releases the debt to God and frees your heart from bitterness, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it, Hebrews 12:15.
We understand how discouraging it is when you step out in obedience to forgive and the person behaves even more difficult toward you. This is common, and we should not be surprised. When we choose to overcome evil with good, the enemy often stirs up more opposition. Yet we are instructed, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, Romans 12:18, and Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good, Romans 12:21. We are also told to love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, Matthew 5:44. Your perseverance in forgiveness is not measured by their response, but by your continued obedience to Christ. We are encouraged, Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don't give up, Galatians 6:9, and we know that the testing of your faith produces endurance, and endurance must have its perfect work, James 1:3-4.
You mentioned wanting to pray for this person to be removed from your life and you are not sure if that is right. We understand that desire, for it can be exhausting to continually extend grace to someone who wounds you. It is not wrong to ask God for wisdom about boundaries and even for Him to remove someone if it is His will, but we want to guard our hearts that such a prayer does not come from vengeance or a wish to avoid the hard work of loving as Christ loves. Forgiveness and boundaries can coexist. Jesus said, If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him, Luke 17:3. Forgiveness is given freely from our heart, but reconciliation and restored closeness require repentance and changed behavior. It is right to pray for this person and anyone like them to come to repentance and to know Christ, and also to pray for God to grant you wisdom to know how to guard your heart, Proverbs 4:23, and to set healthy, biblical boundaries if the relationship remains harmful. Sometimes God keeps a difficult person in our lives to refine us, and sometimes in His mercy He does remove them for our protection, so we pray above all for His will to be done and for your peace to rest in His sovereignty.
We also noticed you spoke of God working in your life but did not mention Jesus Christ, and we gently want to remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and receive the power to truly forgive. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. It was through Christ's forgiveness of us on the cross, while we were still sinners, that we are now able to forgive others. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord, Romans 10:9, for then His Spirit will empower you to do what you cannot do in your own strength.
We pray together now for you.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we lift up this dear one to You. We thank You for the work You have already begun in this heart to will and to do Your good pleasure in the area of forgiveness. Lord, we ask You to strengthen and sustain perseverance, to not allow weariness to win, but to fill this heart with Your love and endurance. Help us to keep forgiving as You have forgiven us, to release every debt and every hurt into Your hands, and to be healed from any root of bitterness. We pray for the person who has behaved more difficult, and for anyone else who has caused similar pain, that You would have mercy on them, convict them of sin, draw them to repentance and to salvation in Jesus, and do a work in their heart that only You can do. Give wisdom to know how to love without enabling sin, how to set boundaries that honor You, and whether to remain in close fellowship or to step back as You lead. If it is Your will to remove this person from daily life, we trust You to do so in Your perfect way, and if You keep them there, give grace to overcome evil with good. Draw this one closer to Jesus, remind them daily that apart from Christ we can do nothing, and let Your peace guard heart and mind. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and our forgiveness, amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, to bring each fresh hurt quickly to the Lord in prayer before it can take root, and to seek wise counsel from mature believers who can help you discern boundaries. God sees your obedience even when the other person does not respond well, and He is faithful to complete the good work He has started in you.
We rejoice that you recognize God has been working on you in this area for the past year, for that is His grace drawing you toward freedom. Scripture is clear that forgiveness is not optional for us as believers, but it is also not a feeling that comes naturally. Jesus taught, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses, Matthew 6:14-15. We are called to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, Ephesians 4:32, and to bear with one another and forgive as the Lord forgave us, Colossians 3:13. This does not mean what was done to you was acceptable, and it does not mean you must immediately trust again or pretend there was no wound. Forgiveness releases the debt to God and frees your heart from bitterness, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it, Hebrews 12:15.
We understand how discouraging it is when you step out in obedience to forgive and the person behaves even more difficult toward you. This is common, and we should not be surprised. When we choose to overcome evil with good, the enemy often stirs up more opposition. Yet we are instructed, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, Romans 12:18, and Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good, Romans 12:21. We are also told to love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, Matthew 5:44. Your perseverance in forgiveness is not measured by their response, but by your continued obedience to Christ. We are encouraged, Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don't give up, Galatians 6:9, and we know that the testing of your faith produces endurance, and endurance must have its perfect work, James 1:3-4.
You mentioned wanting to pray for this person to be removed from your life and you are not sure if that is right. We understand that desire, for it can be exhausting to continually extend grace to someone who wounds you. It is not wrong to ask God for wisdom about boundaries and even for Him to remove someone if it is His will, but we want to guard our hearts that such a prayer does not come from vengeance or a wish to avoid the hard work of loving as Christ loves. Forgiveness and boundaries can coexist. Jesus said, If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him, Luke 17:3. Forgiveness is given freely from our heart, but reconciliation and restored closeness require repentance and changed behavior. It is right to pray for this person and anyone like them to come to repentance and to know Christ, and also to pray for God to grant you wisdom to know how to guard your heart, Proverbs 4:23, and to set healthy, biblical boundaries if the relationship remains harmful. Sometimes God keeps a difficult person in our lives to refine us, and sometimes in His mercy He does remove them for our protection, so we pray above all for His will to be done and for your peace to rest in His sovereignty.
We also noticed you spoke of God working in your life but did not mention Jesus Christ, and we gently want to remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and receive the power to truly forgive. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. It was through Christ's forgiveness of us on the cross, while we were still sinners, that we are now able to forgive others. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord, Romans 10:9, for then His Spirit will empower you to do what you cannot do in your own strength.
We pray together now for you.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we lift up this dear one to You. We thank You for the work You have already begun in this heart to will and to do Your good pleasure in the area of forgiveness. Lord, we ask You to strengthen and sustain perseverance, to not allow weariness to win, but to fill this heart with Your love and endurance. Help us to keep forgiving as You have forgiven us, to release every debt and every hurt into Your hands, and to be healed from any root of bitterness. We pray for the person who has behaved more difficult, and for anyone else who has caused similar pain, that You would have mercy on them, convict them of sin, draw them to repentance and to salvation in Jesus, and do a work in their heart that only You can do. Give wisdom to know how to love without enabling sin, how to set boundaries that honor You, and whether to remain in close fellowship or to step back as You lead. If it is Your will to remove this person from daily life, we trust You to do so in Your perfect way, and if You keep them there, give grace to overcome evil with good. Draw this one closer to Jesus, remind them daily that apart from Christ we can do nothing, and let Your peace guard heart and mind. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and our forgiveness, amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, to bring each fresh hurt quickly to the Lord in prayer before it can take root, and to seek wise counsel from mature believers who can help you discern boundaries. God sees your obedience even when the other person does not respond well, and He is faithful to complete the good work He has started in you.
We hear how long you have carried this, and how much it means that God has been gently working on forgiveness with you over this past year. Wanting to persevere even when it feels like the other person pushes back harder takes real courage, and it makes sense you feel worn down.
One thing that has helped many of us is learning that forgiveness and staying close are not the same thing. You can make a settled decision to let go of getting even and to want good for someone, while still needing time for your heart to catch up emotionally. And you can forgive without automatically returning to the same level of closeness, especially if the interaction keeps leaving you hurt. In that sense boundaries are not unkind, they simply mark what you are responsible for and what helps you guard your heart well.
It is also understandable to feel torn about whether to ask God to remove this person from your life. Bring that honest tension to Him and invite Him to show you what wisdom looks like here, step by step.
It might help to talk this through with one trusted pastor or counselor who knows you, not to fix it quickly but to help you sort what forgiveness looks like and what healthy distance looks like with this particular person.
Father, we lift our friend to You. Give perseverance when forgiveness feels heavy, quiet the ache of past wounds, and grant clear wisdom about this relationship. Lead toward healing and peace, and keep this heart close to You. In Jesus' name, amen.
One thing that has helped many of us is learning that forgiveness and staying close are not the same thing. You can make a settled decision to let go of getting even and to want good for someone, while still needing time for your heart to catch up emotionally. And you can forgive without automatically returning to the same level of closeness, especially if the interaction keeps leaving you hurt. In that sense boundaries are not unkind, they simply mark what you are responsible for and what helps you guard your heart well.
It is also understandable to feel torn about whether to ask God to remove this person from your life. Bring that honest tension to Him and invite Him to show you what wisdom looks like here, step by step.
It might help to talk this through with one trusted pastor or counselor who knows you, not to fix it quickly but to help you sort what forgiveness looks like and what healthy distance looks like with this particular person.
Father, we lift our friend to You. Give perseverance when forgiveness feels heavy, quiet the ache of past wounds, and grant clear wisdom about this relationship. Lead toward healing and peace, and keep this heart close to You. In Jesus' name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your honest wrestling with forgiveness is itself a token that God has been at work upon your heart, for the desire to forgive is born of having first been forgiven.
Hear what the Word declares, and what I have so often preached from it, that there is forgiveness with God. It is a divine forgiveness, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. Were all men to hiss at you and withhold their pardon, you would still have a forgiveness that can bring you into heaven, for it comes from God Himself. It is a surprising forgiveness, so great that the Lord speaks as if surprised at its own freeness, and it is a complete forgiveness. When He forgives, it is as a creditor who does not ask for part payment, for you have nothing to pay with, but blots out the whole debt at once. There was forgiveness, there is forgiveness, there will be forgiveness as long as life lasts, and it is to be found only with God through Jesus Christ His Son, who died the Just for the unjust that He might bring us to God. If you tremble and with a penitent heart desire that forgiveness, however great your sins have been, there is forgiveness for you, and He continues daily to forgive, for the act of forgiveness is a continuous one.
You ask for perseverance, and this is a most needful prayer. The perseverance of the saints is not a removal of temptation, nor a promise that the way will grow easier when you choose the way of grace. Rather it is perseverance in holiness, a settled way of grace in which the Lord keeps His people from departing from Him. They shall not depart from me, saith the Lord, and this is an absolute promise of the omnipotent God. He who has given you life in Christ will not withdraw His gift, and that life is immortal and eternal. The purpose of God secures your final perseverance. You may therefore rest assured that He who has begun to soften your heart toward forgiveness will preserve you to the end, not by your own strength, but by His effectual grace.
You speak truly that when you have tried to walk in forgiveness, the other has behaved more difficult toward you. Do not wonder at this. Grace in you will often provoke the enmity of the natural heart, yet you are called to forgive as you have been forgiven, not because the offender deserves it, but because you have received so much manifest forgiveness that to forgive should become as natural as to open your hands. To forgive does not always mean to trust again without wisdom, nor does it require you to expose yourself needlessly to harm, but it does require you to release the debt before God and to wish no ill upon the soul that has wounded you.
As to your desire that this person might be removed from your life, bring that desire also before the Lord with a submissive heart. It is lawful to pray for wisdom, for boundaries, and for peace, and to ask the Lord to order your steps. Yet pray more earnestly that you may be kept from bitterness, that you may love your enemies and pray for them that despitefully use you, and that the Lord would work in them as He is working in you. Leave the ordering of your paths and theirs in His hands, who knows whether nearness or distance will most conduce to holiness.
Let us pray together. O Lord, Thou with whom there is forgiveness, look upon this Thy servant who confesses a lifelong struggle to forgive. Blot out transgressions according to Thy mercy, and give a fresh sense of that complete and eternal forgiveness which is in Christ Jesus. Put within this heart Thy fear that it may not depart from Thee, and fulfill Thy covenant promise to keep and to preserve even to the end. Grant perseverance in holiness when forgiveness is met with hardness. Give strength to forgive even as Thou hast forgiven, and wisdom to walk uprightly before those who are difficult. Order all relationships according to Thy perfect will, and let no root of bitterness spring up. Keep this soul from despair, and let the whisper, there is forgiveness, drive away every dark fear, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Hear what the Word declares, and what I have so often preached from it, that there is forgiveness with God. It is a divine forgiveness, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. Were all men to hiss at you and withhold their pardon, you would still have a forgiveness that can bring you into heaven, for it comes from God Himself. It is a surprising forgiveness, so great that the Lord speaks as if surprised at its own freeness, and it is a complete forgiveness. When He forgives, it is as a creditor who does not ask for part payment, for you have nothing to pay with, but blots out the whole debt at once. There was forgiveness, there is forgiveness, there will be forgiveness as long as life lasts, and it is to be found only with God through Jesus Christ His Son, who died the Just for the unjust that He might bring us to God. If you tremble and with a penitent heart desire that forgiveness, however great your sins have been, there is forgiveness for you, and He continues daily to forgive, for the act of forgiveness is a continuous one.
You ask for perseverance, and this is a most needful prayer. The perseverance of the saints is not a removal of temptation, nor a promise that the way will grow easier when you choose the way of grace. Rather it is perseverance in holiness, a settled way of grace in which the Lord keeps His people from departing from Him. They shall not depart from me, saith the Lord, and this is an absolute promise of the omnipotent God. He who has given you life in Christ will not withdraw His gift, and that life is immortal and eternal. The purpose of God secures your final perseverance. You may therefore rest assured that He who has begun to soften your heart toward forgiveness will preserve you to the end, not by your own strength, but by His effectual grace.
You speak truly that when you have tried to walk in forgiveness, the other has behaved more difficult toward you. Do not wonder at this. Grace in you will often provoke the enmity of the natural heart, yet you are called to forgive as you have been forgiven, not because the offender deserves it, but because you have received so much manifest forgiveness that to forgive should become as natural as to open your hands. To forgive does not always mean to trust again without wisdom, nor does it require you to expose yourself needlessly to harm, but it does require you to release the debt before God and to wish no ill upon the soul that has wounded you.
As to your desire that this person might be removed from your life, bring that desire also before the Lord with a submissive heart. It is lawful to pray for wisdom, for boundaries, and for peace, and to ask the Lord to order your steps. Yet pray more earnestly that you may be kept from bitterness, that you may love your enemies and pray for them that despitefully use you, and that the Lord would work in them as He is working in you. Leave the ordering of your paths and theirs in His hands, who knows whether nearness or distance will most conduce to holiness.
Let us pray together. O Lord, Thou with whom there is forgiveness, look upon this Thy servant who confesses a lifelong struggle to forgive. Blot out transgressions according to Thy mercy, and give a fresh sense of that complete and eternal forgiveness which is in Christ Jesus. Put within this heart Thy fear that it may not depart from Thee, and fulfill Thy covenant promise to keep and to preserve even to the end. Grant perseverance in holiness when forgiveness is met with hardness. Give strength to forgive even as Thou hast forgiven, and wisdom to walk uprightly before those who are difficult. Order all relationships according to Thy perfect will, and let no root of bitterness spring up. Keep this soul from despair, and let the whisper, there is forgiveness, drive away every dark fear, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this in Jesus Name.
Chrysostom
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing this so honestly and for letting us pray with you. To struggle with forgiveness for a long time and to feel God working on you in this area over the past year is a sign of His grace at work, and it is good that you want to persevere even when it is painful.
You described something that many find very difficult, that when you try to walk in forgiveness the other person becomes even more difficult toward you. That can be discouraging and make you wonder if your effort matters at all. Scripture shows us that perseverance itself is part of how God shapes us. As with the Canaanite woman who kept coming even after a hard answer, and the widow who kept asking and the friend who knocked at midnight, we are taught to pray at all seasons and to continue without ceasing. Often we become more ready to receive what God wants to give not because we were worthy at first, but because perseverance has formed our hearts.
Forgiveness is also presented as a path that does not require a long journey or great expense, but a choice of the will before God. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven, knowing that we too stand in need of mercy for much greater things. That does not mean the hurt was small or that you must pretend it did not happen. It does mean bringing your offenses and your wounds honestly before God, naming them, and asking Him to train your heart toward gentleness while trusting Him to deal justly and mercifully with all.
It is understandable to wonder whether to pray for this person to be removed from your life. God does not ask you to pray for harm to come to anyone, but He does invite you to pray for wisdom, for healthy boundaries, for protection, and for the good of the other person. Sometimes He changes the relationship, sometimes He changes the distance, and sometimes He changes our endurance. The best prayer is to place both yourself and this person into His hands and ask Him to do what is most loving and most holy for each of you.
We will pray for your perseverance, that God would give you much endurance and steadiness in prayer, and that He would keep your heart soft without letting it be hardened by repeated hurt.
Father, we thank You for this one whom You love and for the work You have already done in the past year. Give perseverance to keep walking in forgiveness even when it is met with hardness. Teach what it means to forgive from the heart as You have forgiven, and give the grace to will what You will. Guard this heart from bitterness and from listlessness, and grant wisdom to know how to love well while also setting wise boundaries. We pray also for the person who has caused pain, that You would work in that life, bring conviction where needed, healing where needed, and draw that person toward Yourself. Lead both lives according to Your perfect will, and give peace and strength for each step ahead. In Jesus name, Amen.
If this person continues to act in a harmful way, seek wise and godly counsel from a pastor or trusted believer who knows your situation so you can have support and accountability as you continue to practice both forgiveness and wisdom.
You described something that many find very difficult, that when you try to walk in forgiveness the other person becomes even more difficult toward you. That can be discouraging and make you wonder if your effort matters at all. Scripture shows us that perseverance itself is part of how God shapes us. As with the Canaanite woman who kept coming even after a hard answer, and the widow who kept asking and the friend who knocked at midnight, we are taught to pray at all seasons and to continue without ceasing. Often we become more ready to receive what God wants to give not because we were worthy at first, but because perseverance has formed our hearts.
Forgiveness is also presented as a path that does not require a long journey or great expense, but a choice of the will before God. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven, knowing that we too stand in need of mercy for much greater things. That does not mean the hurt was small or that you must pretend it did not happen. It does mean bringing your offenses and your wounds honestly before God, naming them, and asking Him to train your heart toward gentleness while trusting Him to deal justly and mercifully with all.
It is understandable to wonder whether to pray for this person to be removed from your life. God does not ask you to pray for harm to come to anyone, but He does invite you to pray for wisdom, for healthy boundaries, for protection, and for the good of the other person. Sometimes He changes the relationship, sometimes He changes the distance, and sometimes He changes our endurance. The best prayer is to place both yourself and this person into His hands and ask Him to do what is most loving and most holy for each of you.
We will pray for your perseverance, that God would give you much endurance and steadiness in prayer, and that He would keep your heart soft without letting it be hardened by repeated hurt.
Father, we thank You for this one whom You love and for the work You have already done in the past year. Give perseverance to keep walking in forgiveness even when it is met with hardness. Teach what it means to forgive from the heart as You have forgiven, and give the grace to will what You will. Guard this heart from bitterness and from listlessness, and grant wisdom to know how to love well while also setting wise boundaries. We pray also for the person who has caused pain, that You would work in that life, bring conviction where needed, healing where needed, and draw that person toward Yourself. Lead both lives according to Your perfect will, and give peace and strength for each step ahead. In Jesus name, Amen.
If this person continues to act in a harmful way, seek wise and godly counsel from a pastor or trusted believer who knows your situation so you can have support and accountability as you continue to practice both forgiveness and wisdom.
Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. The fact that God has been working on you in the area of forgiveness over this past year is itself a sign of His grace and mercy toward you. He does not leave His people where He finds them, but patiently teaches and shapes us to become more like Jesus.
Part of what He is teaching you is what His forgiveness is really like. We often think God forgives the way we do, partly and with conditions, still keeping a record and bringing the matter up again later. Real forgiveness as God gives it is different. When He forgives, it is complete and total. He blots out the record, He puts the sin away and treats it as gone, not to be held against you again. The Bible describes it as far as the east is from the west. That is the forgiveness you have received in Christ, and it is the pattern He calls you to grow into toward others. It does not mean pretending the hurt did not happen, but it does mean choosing before Him not to keep a ledger, not to rehearse the offense, and not to use it as a weapon later.
That kind of love and forgiveness is not natural to us. On our own we do not have it. Even the desire to forgive, and the willingness to stand in love toward someone who has hurt you, must come from God working in your heart. This is why confession is so important. Without honestly bringing our sin to God there is no forgiveness, and that includes the sin of a bitter or unforgiving heart, or sins we have committed without even realizing it. The law shows us our guilt so that we will stop trying to justify ourselves and instead seek His help and forgiveness through faith in Jesus. As you confess your struggle to Him, He is faithful to forgive and to give you the heart you need.
It is painful and confusing when you take a step toward forgiveness and the other person responds with even more difficulty. That response does not mean you have failed or that your forgiveness was not real. Each person is responsible before God for their own choices. Your calling is to remain faithful in what God has asked of you, to persevere in a forgiving spirit even when it is not returned. That perseverance is itself something to pray for, as you asked, and God honors that prayer.
You also mentioned wondering whether to pray for this person to be removed from your life. It is right to pray for wisdom and protection. God cares about guarding His people from influences that would corrupt or deeply harm them, and at times separation is needed for protection. Forgiveness does not automatically mean close trust or continued access to your life in the same way. It does mean releasing the person to God, not holding vengeance in your heart, and even desiring their good. Rather than asking God to simply remove them, ask Him to do what is most glorifying to Him and most good for all involved, to set healthy and biblical boundaries where needed, and to change hearts where change is needed, beginning with your own.
I am praying for you, for perseverance to keep walking in forgiveness when it is hard, for a deeper experience of how fully God has forgiven you in Christ, for a heart that confesses quickly and receives His mercy freely, and for wisdom to know how to love this person with truth and grace while trusting God with the outcome and with any boundaries that are needed. May the Lord strengthen you to continue, not in your own strength, but in the love He supplies.
Part of what He is teaching you is what His forgiveness is really like. We often think God forgives the way we do, partly and with conditions, still keeping a record and bringing the matter up again later. Real forgiveness as God gives it is different. When He forgives, it is complete and total. He blots out the record, He puts the sin away and treats it as gone, not to be held against you again. The Bible describes it as far as the east is from the west. That is the forgiveness you have received in Christ, and it is the pattern He calls you to grow into toward others. It does not mean pretending the hurt did not happen, but it does mean choosing before Him not to keep a ledger, not to rehearse the offense, and not to use it as a weapon later.
That kind of love and forgiveness is not natural to us. On our own we do not have it. Even the desire to forgive, and the willingness to stand in love toward someone who has hurt you, must come from God working in your heart. This is why confession is so important. Without honestly bringing our sin to God there is no forgiveness, and that includes the sin of a bitter or unforgiving heart, or sins we have committed without even realizing it. The law shows us our guilt so that we will stop trying to justify ourselves and instead seek His help and forgiveness through faith in Jesus. As you confess your struggle to Him, He is faithful to forgive and to give you the heart you need.
It is painful and confusing when you take a step toward forgiveness and the other person responds with even more difficulty. That response does not mean you have failed or that your forgiveness was not real. Each person is responsible before God for their own choices. Your calling is to remain faithful in what God has asked of you, to persevere in a forgiving spirit even when it is not returned. That perseverance is itself something to pray for, as you asked, and God honors that prayer.
You also mentioned wondering whether to pray for this person to be removed from your life. It is right to pray for wisdom and protection. God cares about guarding His people from influences that would corrupt or deeply harm them, and at times separation is needed for protection. Forgiveness does not automatically mean close trust or continued access to your life in the same way. It does mean releasing the person to God, not holding vengeance in your heart, and even desiring their good. Rather than asking God to simply remove them, ask Him to do what is most glorifying to Him and most good for all involved, to set healthy and biblical boundaries where needed, and to change hearts where change is needed, beginning with your own.
I am praying for you, for perseverance to keep walking in forgiveness when it is hard, for a deeper experience of how fully God has forgiven you in Christ, for a heart that confesses quickly and receives His mercy freely, and for wisdom to know how to love this person with truth and grace while trusting God with the outcome and with any boundaries that are needed. May the Lord strengthen you to continue, not in your own strength, but in the love He supplies.
Similar Requests
I have struggled with forgiveness my entire life and God has been working on me with this for the past year or so. There is someone in my life (and possibly other people as well) who in the past has behaved MORE difficult toward me when I have tried to walk in forgiveness toward them. Please...
Please pray for my perseverance in remaining forgiving toward people no matter what. Thank you.
I would really appreciate your prayers at this time. I would like to experience greater freedom in terms of forgiveness toward my mother and to feel peace about it.
