There is forgiveness with God, and your cry has been heard where forgiveness dwells. The word of the Lord by the prophet is, I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. This is divine forgiveness, not the forgiveness of man which may fail, but the forgiveness of God himself, surprising forgiveness, so surprising that the Lord repeats, I, even I, as if to assure the trembling heart that such sins can indeed be remitted. However sinful your life may have been until now, there is forgiveness with Him, and that forgiveness is complete. It is as when a creditor remits the whole debt to one who has nothing to pay, not a part but the whole, and the record is nailed to the cross. It is an eternal forgiveness, for the gifts and calling of God are without repentance, and He not only forgave at the first but continues daily to forgive.
You have asked for the Holy Spirit and for true restoration in the everlasting covenant, and for a better life both here and hereafter. There is another covenant besides the covenant of works, there is a covenant of rich, free, sovereign grace, ordered in all things and sure, and this is the essence of it, There is forgiveness. The Lord says by Ezekiel that He will give a new heart and put a new spirit within, and by Zechariah, they shall be as though I had not cast them aside. This is perfect restoration. He undertook to remove our burdens and to fulfil the conditions of our restoration, and according to covenant He appeared in our nature and bore the penalty in His own suffering and death, that we might have in Him a full forgiveness and be brought back to God. If you desire this restoration, believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself, as a personal participation. As eating is personal and none can eat for you, so none can believe for you, you must take Christ for yourself and trust Him alone for salvation, for there is no other name by which we must be saved.
I pray with you for that better life you long for, for a life mended here on earth as far as it may please the Lord to grant it, and for that great life in heaven which is sure to all who are in Christ. I pray also for your present afflictions, for the eating disorder that has burdened your body, and for the hurtful and strange disconnect as of being out of body at times. The Lord made both soul and body, and He is merciful to our infirmities. Seek Him daily for healing and for a sound mind, and do not walk alone in these trials, but seek also the help of faithful pastors and of those skilled to care for the body and mind, while you look to Christ who first forgives and then heals, and who sustains the life He gives.
May the eye of the Lord be upon you, and His knowledge guard you, His kindness and love and mercy overshadow you, and His protection keep you always. May He lift up the light of His countenance upon you and give you peace.
O Lord God, we come through Jesus Christ alone and through the blood of the everlasting covenant. We ask for true forgiveness for this soul who trembles and desires it, let that blessed whisper, There is forgiveness, drive away despair and enter with assurance. Grant the gift of Thy Holy Spirit, a new heart and a steadfast spirit, and true restoration according to Thy covenant of grace. Mend what is broken in a way that honors Thee, and grant improvement and a better life as it seems good in Thy wisdom, with fullness of joy in heaven to follow. Lay Thy healing hand upon the body and mind, deliver from the eating disorder and from every hurtful disconnect, and grant wholeness, kindness, love, mercy and protection continually. Keep this one in Christ, complete and eternally forgiven, to Thy glory. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
