You long for a child; this is a natural and good yearning, but it must be sought in God’s own order, not outside the bounds He has set. You speak of a fiancé, yet you are already attempting to conceive. Do you not see that you have inverted the divine pattern? The marriage bed is honorable and undefiled, and children are a heritage from the Lord, but the union that is not yet sealed before the Church cannot claim the same blessing. If you truly desire offspring, let your first step be to enter into the covenant of marriage with reverence and chastity, and then make your prayer for a child.
Why do you fill your chamber with the smoke of worldly haste? As I have often said, the soul’s eye, when it feeds in the meadow of spiritual oracles, becomes clear and piercing, but when it departs into the smoke of the things of this life, it weeps without end. You are clouding your sight with a disordered passion, and then you ask for clear vision to pray rightly. First, clear the air: cease from conjugal relations until you are lawfully wed, and come to the Church as those who seek not just a babe, but sanctification.
Consider the poor who sit at the doors of the martyrs’ shrines and the church vestibules. They are placed there not only to receive alms but to teach us humility and to remind us that bodily desires must bow to the soul’s health. Do you see the aged and the maimed? They show you that life’s true treasure is not the fulfillment of every natural urge, but conformity to the will of God. Your request for a “healthy baby girl” is, in itself, innocent, but the context makes it a petition offered with unwashed hands. How can you expect to approach the spiritual fountain and ask for a blessing while disregarding the very gate of lawful marriage?
The Deacon cries out, “Holy things for the holy,” before the sacred mysteries, to search the faults of all. This call is a reminder that not every wish may be brought before the altar without self-examination. Are you living as those set apart? If you are not yet married in the Lord, then the act by which you hope to conceive is itself a transgression. I do not say this to wound you without cause, but to heal a sickness that would otherwise grow worse. Many who are healthy in their own eyes become infirm through carelessness, and many who acknowledge their sickness are restored by repentance.
Let your first prayer, then, be for a clean heart and a right spirit. Enter into marriage with the blessing of the Church, and then kneel together to ask for the fruit of the womb. That child, when it comes, will be a true blessing, and you will be able to bring it up “in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.” For what profit is a child if it is born into a household not yet fully surrendered to Christ? Better to be poor in offspring but rich in virtue than to gain the whole world and lose your own souls.
Do not think that my words are harsh; they are medicine. I would rather see a single household walking in the commandments than a multitude of children born into a union not yet made holy. So, put your house in order. Go to the priest, declare your intentions, and let your love be crowned with the sacrament of marriage. Then pray boldly for a child, and we will pray with you, that God may grant you a godly seed, raised for His glory and not for the fire.
May the Lord grant you wisdom to see that His will is your sanctification first, and that every good and perfect gift comes from above, upon those who approach Him in reverence and truth.