Feeling defeated. We are taught that God wants us to have our dreams and to dream big, not just to meet but to exceed our dreams. We are taught that our dreams are not put there by mistake but I am now believing it's not true. I have prayed the same dream forever and it never comes true. I am feeling lonely l, defeated, unworthy. I am a good person who is a good daughter, sister, aunt, friend but still nothing. I see countless others who aren't even living right get their dreams yet I never receive. I am thankful for my job and my home but life is not about those things because it's nothing if you have nobody to share it with. I was going to church faithfully and praying all the time. I was giving to help others yet I am knocked down again. I became so depressed and defeated that I stopped going to church 2 months ago and now I feel I am being punished for that. I know we are to hang onto faith no matter what but I am human and can be honest that I got upset because I try so hard for others and to spend another year with my prayers not being answered hurts. 2 months ago I was on my knees about ready to end my life praying for God to help me and still no help. The only reason I did not go through with it was my mother would be upset. People think that those who commit suicide are cowards bur that's not it. They are people who need help and can't see past that minute of pain they are in because it hurts too much to hope because sometimes hope and faith will be the thing that hurts the most because you hang onto it bur better times never come, your dreams never happen. How do you hang on to faith when it's hanging on to it and never seeing it happen that destroys you? Sometimes emotional hurt is the worst pain of all. Every day is worse than day before. I can't hope or pray anymore because I just get disappointed. How can God see me on my knees begging for help and something to look forward to and it never come? As angry as I am I sm upset at myself for being upset with God for not seeing I need help. My pastor explained to me I am not the only person to get upset with God and won't be the last and God expects us to have moments of bring uoset. I feel like a failure though for being upset. It's bad. I need a lifeline from God. It's Christmas and then my birthday in a few days and I am miserable. I pray for a family with the man I love. I pray to be a good mom and partner and to be able to go to church with the man I love. Seems my dreams are too big. Don't think I can hold on much longer. Please pray for me. Pray that my dreams happen so. I need a chance.
