Please pray for me because I am feeling that I no longer want a relationship with my sister for certain reasons. I am trying to be forgiving but her behavior in the past few months has been very hurtful and has been part of a larger problem of her treatment toward myself and other members of my immediate family. I have also had a lot of problems with her husband (some of which may have been due to him being used by spiritual warfare that I brought into my life through being unforgiving to attack me). As God is working on me with the problems I have with unforgiveness, I don't know if my relationship with him will improve but he has also done a lot of bad things to me and my immediate family. Please pray for me about this. Thank you.
Family
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear the heaviness in your heart and we join with you in bringing this family pain before the Lord, seeking His will together in Jesus' name. We understand how deep the hurt runs when it comes from within our own family, and when the wound has been reopened over months and even years by a sister and her husband. We commend you for recognizing the struggle with unforgiveness and for allowing God to work on your heart, for that is where true healing must begin.
Scripture is very clear that unforgiveness is a serious matter that we must not hold onto. We are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven. Ephesians 4:32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. And Colossians 3:13 says, bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do. Jesus Himself taught in Matthew 6:14-15, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. We must lovingly rebuke the idea of holding onto unforgiveness, even when the hurt is great, because it harms you more than anyone else and can give the enemy a foothold in your life. As you rightly discerned, spiritual warfare is real. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. And 1 Peter 5:8 warns us to Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
At the same time, we want to gently correct the thought that your unforgiveness is the cause of your brother-in-law being used to attack you, as if his sinful choices are your fault. He is responsible before God for his own behavior toward you and your immediate family. Your unforgiveness may have opened a door for the enemy to torment you with bitterness and resentment, but it does not excuse his bad actions. Each of us will give account for ourselves.
We also hear you saying you no longer want a relationship with your sister. We understand that desire to pull away to protect yourself from further hurt, and there are times when wise boundaries are necessary. Yet we encourage you not to make a final decision to cut off your family while your heart is still wounded. God calls us to pursue peace as far as it depends on us. Romans 12:18 says, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Forgiveness does not always mean instant restoration of trust or that you must subject yourself to ongoing harm, but forgiveness does mean releasing the debt to God and choosing not to hold the offense against them any longer. It means blessing them and praying for them rather than harboring bitterness. Matthew 18:21-22 shows us that forgiveness is to be offered generously, seventy times seven.
We also noticed that you mentioned God but did not mention Jesus Christ in your request. We want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and that our prayers are heard. John 14:6 says, Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says, There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. It is by the blood of Jesus that we ourselves are forgiven, and it is in His name and by His power that we can forgive others. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, for Romans 10:9 says, that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
We now pray together for you.
Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our dear one who is wounded by family strife. Lord, You see every hurtful word and action from this sister and her husband, and You know the history of pain within this immediate family. We ask You to pour out Your healing grace upon this heart that feels like giving up on the relationship. Soften what has become hardened by hurt and give the strength to forgive even as Christ has forgiven us. Lord, help our friend to release all bitterness and resentment to You, closing any door that has been opened to the enemy, and fill that place with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. We pray for the sister and her husband as well, that You would convict them where they have done wrong and draw them to repentance and to Yourself. We pray for wisdom to set healthy, biblical boundaries that protect without sinning in anger or unforgiveness. Teach us all to walk in love, to speak the truth in love, and to pursue reconciliation where it is possible. Restore what the enemy has tried to steal from this family, and let Your will be done. We ask all these things in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and mediator, amen.
We encourage you to continue to press into the Word, to pray for your sister and her husband even when it is difficult, and to seek godly counsel from a pastor or mature believer who can walk with you and help you discern boundaries and next steps. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, but bring it daily to the cross. God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you and He is able to bring healing where there has been deep division.
Scripture is very clear that unforgiveness is a serious matter that we must not hold onto. We are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven. Ephesians 4:32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. And Colossians 3:13 says, bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any, even as Christ forgave you, so you also do. Jesus Himself taught in Matthew 6:14-15, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. We must lovingly rebuke the idea of holding onto unforgiveness, even when the hurt is great, because it harms you more than anyone else and can give the enemy a foothold in your life. As you rightly discerned, spiritual warfare is real. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. And 1 Peter 5:8 warns us to Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
At the same time, we want to gently correct the thought that your unforgiveness is the cause of your brother-in-law being used to attack you, as if his sinful choices are your fault. He is responsible before God for his own behavior toward you and your immediate family. Your unforgiveness may have opened a door for the enemy to torment you with bitterness and resentment, but it does not excuse his bad actions. Each of us will give account for ourselves.
We also hear you saying you no longer want a relationship with your sister. We understand that desire to pull away to protect yourself from further hurt, and there are times when wise boundaries are necessary. Yet we encourage you not to make a final decision to cut off your family while your heart is still wounded. God calls us to pursue peace as far as it depends on us. Romans 12:18 says, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. Forgiveness does not always mean instant restoration of trust or that you must subject yourself to ongoing harm, but forgiveness does mean releasing the debt to God and choosing not to hold the offense against them any longer. It means blessing them and praying for them rather than harboring bitterness. Matthew 18:21-22 shows us that forgiveness is to be offered generously, seventy times seven.
We also noticed that you mentioned God but did not mention Jesus Christ in your request. We want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and that our prayers are heard. John 14:6 says, Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says, There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. It is by the blood of Jesus that we ourselves are forgiven, and it is in His name and by His power that we can forgive others. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, for Romans 10:9 says, that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
We now pray together for you.
Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our dear one who is wounded by family strife. Lord, You see every hurtful word and action from this sister and her husband, and You know the history of pain within this immediate family. We ask You to pour out Your healing grace upon this heart that feels like giving up on the relationship. Soften what has become hardened by hurt and give the strength to forgive even as Christ has forgiven us. Lord, help our friend to release all bitterness and resentment to You, closing any door that has been opened to the enemy, and fill that place with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. We pray for the sister and her husband as well, that You would convict them where they have done wrong and draw them to repentance and to Yourself. We pray for wisdom to set healthy, biblical boundaries that protect without sinning in anger or unforgiveness. Teach us all to walk in love, to speak the truth in love, and to pursue reconciliation where it is possible. Restore what the enemy has tried to steal from this family, and let Your will be done. We ask all these things in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and mediator, amen.
We encourage you to continue to press into the Word, to pray for your sister and her husband even when it is difficult, and to seek godly counsel from a pastor or mature believer who can walk with you and help you discern boundaries and next steps. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, but bring it daily to the cross. God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you and He is able to bring healing where there has been deep division.
We hear how heavy this has been for you, and how much you want to honor God even while you are hurting. Wanting distance from your sister after months of painful treatment, and from her husband as well, makes sense when trust has been worn down over time. It is also meaningful that you notice God working on unforgiveness in your own heart and you want to respond well.
One thing that has helped others in this kind of family strain is recognizing that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness can be a quiet decision to release the right to get even and to wish the other person well as someone made in God's image, while the healing of emotions often takes much longer as you stop rehearsing the hurt. Reconciliation, on the other hand, depends on both people and on whether trust can be rebuilt safely over time. You can be faithful in forgiving and still need wise, clear boundaries for a season.
It may help to talk this through with a trusted pastor or counselor who knows your family, not to make a permanent decision while the hurt is fresh, but to sort out what a healthy boundary could look like for now and what forgiveness is asking of you day by day.
Father, we lift our friend to You and ask for Your peace to guard their heart. Give wisdom for each conversation and each boundary, heal the wounds left by these family hurts, and continue Your gentle work in making forgiveness real inside. Lead them step by step and keep them close to You, in Jesus' name, amen.
One thing that has helped others in this kind of family strain is recognizing that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness can be a quiet decision to release the right to get even and to wish the other person well as someone made in God's image, while the healing of emotions often takes much longer as you stop rehearsing the hurt. Reconciliation, on the other hand, depends on both people and on whether trust can be rebuilt safely over time. You can be faithful in forgiving and still need wise, clear boundaries for a season.
It may help to talk this through with a trusted pastor or counselor who knows your family, not to make a permanent decision while the hurt is fresh, but to sort out what a healthy boundary could look like for now and what forgiveness is asking of you day by day.
Father, we lift our friend to You and ask for Your peace to guard their heart. Give wisdom for each conversation and each boundary, heal the wounds left by these family hurts, and continue Your gentle work in making forgiveness real inside. Lead them step by step and keep them close to You, in Jesus' name, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your burden has been heard and it is laid before the Lord with prayerful care. To be wounded by those nearest to you, and to feel the weariness of repeated hurt within your own household, is a deep trial, and the struggle you describe between the desire to be forgiving and the pain that makes forgiveness feel impossible is one that many of the Lord's people have known.
Hear first what the Word declares for your own soul, for there is forgiveness with Him. The Lord Himself says, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. This is a divine forgiveness, not the poor pardon of man which may be withheld, but the act of God Himself. It is surprising forgiveness, so free and so great that it is spoken of with wonder, I, even I. It is complete forgiveness, as when a debt is wholly cancelled and the record nailed to the cross, and it is a continuous and eternal forgiveness, for He not only forgave at the first but continues daily to forgive those who trust in Christ. If you tremble under a sense of your own unforgiveness and sin, remember that there is forgiveness with God through Jesus Christ His Son, who died the Just for the unjust that He might bring us to God. Whatever your life has been until now, there is forgiveness even for you, and that forgiveness is to be received now, by faith in Him alone, for there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.
It is out of this full forgiveness that you are called to forgive. The pattern set before us is this, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. We who have had so much forgiven, so great a debt blotted out, are to enter into what is a joint stock business of mutual forgiveness, forgiving one another freely as we have been freely forgiven. This shows how perfect and how divine is the forgiveness we have received, and it becomes gloriously ennobling to imitate it, for revenge is paltry but forgiveness is great minded.
To forgive as Christ forgave does not mean to call evil good, nor to pretend that hurt has not happened. Wherever the forgiveness of sin comes, there comes with it a fresh view of sin and a turning from it. The Lord does not forgive and afterwards accuse, but His forgiveness brings a new heart that seeks His pleasure. In like manner, your forgiveness of your sister and her husband is the releasing of the debt into the hands of God, refusing to hold it as a weapon against them, and desiring their good before Him. It may not mean an immediate restoration of close fellowship or trust, which must be rebuilt with wisdom and time, but it does mean not harboring bitterness, not seeking vengeance, and being willing in the Lord's strength to do good and to pray for those who have wronged you.
You have spoken honestly of unforgiveness in your own heart and of fear that it has given place to the enemy. Where unforgiveness remains, the heart is brought down with labor and remains in bondage, but where confession is made, there is promise of oblivion to all your debt in Christ. Do as one of old was counseled to do, and say with the Creed from the heart, I believe in the forgiveness of sins, and believe it for yourself through the blood of Christ. Bring your own need for pardon to Him first, and then ask Him to make His forgiveness flow through you to others.
May the Lord grant you wisdom to walk in this. Seek Him daily for a soft heart and a sober mind. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably, which may at times require needful boundaries and godly counsel from faithful believers near you, while still keeping the door of prayer open for reconciliation where the Lord makes it possible. Commit your sister and her husband to the Lord, that He would work in them also according to His mercy.
Let us pray together. O Lord our God, with whom there is forgiveness that Thou mayest be feared, look upon this wounded one. Wash away all sin through the blood of Jesus Christ Thy Son, and give the assurance of complete and eternal pardon to every repentant and believing heart. Teach this soul to receive Thy great forgiveness for great sin, and then to copy the pattern of Christ in forgiving those who have trespassed. Take away hardness of heart, heal the hurts done within this family, and grant wisdom to act with both truth and love. Set this captive free from the bondage of bitterness, and let the whisper, there is forgiveness, drive away despair. Work also in the sister and her husband, that they may come to know Thy grace and walk in ways that build up and do not tear down. Keep this family under Thy watchful care, and lead all concerned to seek Thy pleasure above their own. In the name of Jesus Christ our only hope, Amen.
Hear first what the Word declares for your own soul, for there is forgiveness with Him. The Lord Himself says, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. This is a divine forgiveness, not the poor pardon of man which may be withheld, but the act of God Himself. It is surprising forgiveness, so free and so great that it is spoken of with wonder, I, even I. It is complete forgiveness, as when a debt is wholly cancelled and the record nailed to the cross, and it is a continuous and eternal forgiveness, for He not only forgave at the first but continues daily to forgive those who trust in Christ. If you tremble under a sense of your own unforgiveness and sin, remember that there is forgiveness with God through Jesus Christ His Son, who died the Just for the unjust that He might bring us to God. Whatever your life has been until now, there is forgiveness even for you, and that forgiveness is to be received now, by faith in Him alone, for there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.
It is out of this full forgiveness that you are called to forgive. The pattern set before us is this, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. We who have had so much forgiven, so great a debt blotted out, are to enter into what is a joint stock business of mutual forgiveness, forgiving one another freely as we have been freely forgiven. This shows how perfect and how divine is the forgiveness we have received, and it becomes gloriously ennobling to imitate it, for revenge is paltry but forgiveness is great minded.
To forgive as Christ forgave does not mean to call evil good, nor to pretend that hurt has not happened. Wherever the forgiveness of sin comes, there comes with it a fresh view of sin and a turning from it. The Lord does not forgive and afterwards accuse, but His forgiveness brings a new heart that seeks His pleasure. In like manner, your forgiveness of your sister and her husband is the releasing of the debt into the hands of God, refusing to hold it as a weapon against them, and desiring their good before Him. It may not mean an immediate restoration of close fellowship or trust, which must be rebuilt with wisdom and time, but it does mean not harboring bitterness, not seeking vengeance, and being willing in the Lord's strength to do good and to pray for those who have wronged you.
You have spoken honestly of unforgiveness in your own heart and of fear that it has given place to the enemy. Where unforgiveness remains, the heart is brought down with labor and remains in bondage, but where confession is made, there is promise of oblivion to all your debt in Christ. Do as one of old was counseled to do, and say with the Creed from the heart, I believe in the forgiveness of sins, and believe it for yourself through the blood of Christ. Bring your own need for pardon to Him first, and then ask Him to make His forgiveness flow through you to others.
May the Lord grant you wisdom to walk in this. Seek Him daily for a soft heart and a sober mind. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably, which may at times require needful boundaries and godly counsel from faithful believers near you, while still keeping the door of prayer open for reconciliation where the Lord makes it possible. Commit your sister and her husband to the Lord, that He would work in them also according to His mercy.
Let us pray together. O Lord our God, with whom there is forgiveness that Thou mayest be feared, look upon this wounded one. Wash away all sin through the blood of Jesus Christ Thy Son, and give the assurance of complete and eternal pardon to every repentant and believing heart. Teach this soul to receive Thy great forgiveness for great sin, and then to copy the pattern of Christ in forgiving those who have trespassed. Take away hardness of heart, heal the hurts done within this family, and grant wisdom to act with both truth and love. Set this captive free from the bondage of bitterness, and let the whisper, there is forgiveness, drive away despair. Work also in the sister and her husband, that they may come to know Thy grace and walk in ways that build up and do not tear down. Keep this family under Thy watchful care, and lead all concerned to seek Thy pleasure above their own. In the name of Jesus Christ our only hope, Amen.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
Praying for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.
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