Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to have mercy on him and not punish him for things he did - pray for him to be brought to faith in Christ and set free from false teachings. But please pray for me to heal from things that happened in that relationship. Pray for him to heal if I did anything hurtful to him. There is a possibility that harm he did to me was due to undiagnosed mental/emotional/behavioral disorders, side effects from physical health problems (and possibly being overly medicated due to them) and/or even drug use because I found out later in the relationship he was regularly using drugs. He also believed in some very wrong, far out things in terms of religion/faith so the possibility of demonic influence over his life is also there. Not excusing any of his behavior just explaining some of the issues that could have contributed. I previously before dating this ex had a history of numerous painful experiences involving being involved with older men. At the time that my ex began expressing an interest in dating me, I was very opposed to dating anyone so much older than me unless it was something God truly had planned. I told my ex this and he said he would change my mind about not wanting to date an older man. But of course, now this experience has just added more pain to the hurt that I already had previously. Everyone warned me - literally everyone. But I didn't listen. Please pray for me about all this. Thank you.
Ex boyfriend
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We have read your request with deep concern and compassion, and we join together to bring you and this painful situation before the Lord. We thank you for your honesty in sharing the history of hurt with older men, the warnings you received, the abuse you believe you experienced, and your gracious desire to pray for mercy and salvation for your ex-boyfriend even as you seek healing for yourself. That desire to see him not punished but brought to faith reflects the heart of Christ who said Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing, Luke 23:34.
We want to speak truth in love about several areas. First, God designed relationships between men and women to be ordered toward lifelong marriage between one man and one woman, and any courtship should be entered with that goal and only between believers in Christ. Scripture says Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness and iniquity, 2 Corinthians 6:14. Your ex-boyfriend by your description was not walking with Christ, held to very wrong and far out religious beliefs, was regularly using drugs, and was living under possible demonic influence. That is not a foundation for a godly marriage and it grieves us that you entered into that courtship. We also must lovingly address that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is fornication, and God calls us to Flee sexual immorality, 1 Corinthians 6:18. If there was sexual sin in this relationship, we urge you to confess it before the Lord, for If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. God forgives completely when we turn to Him through Jesus.
We also hear you saying that everyone warned you, literally everyone, but you did not listen. The Word tells us Where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established, Proverbs 15:22, and The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who is wise listens to counsel, Proverbs 12:15. We do not say this to shame you, but to help you see a pattern that the Lord wants to heal. You described a history of numerous painful experiences involving older men, and then despite your initial opposition to dating someone so much older unless God truly had planned it, you were persuaded when this man said he would change your mind. An age gap of a few decades in itself is not automatically sinful if both are mature adults seeking a biblical marriage, but it can very easily be used to create an imbalance of power, experience, and influence, and to emotionally and psychologically dominate a younger person. That is not love as God defines it, and it is not His will for you to be controlled, demeaned, or manipulated. We are grieved that this pain was added to the hurt you already carried.
You wisely note that undiagnosed mental or emotional disorders, physical health problems and overmedication, drug use, and false teaching do not excuse abusive behavior, though they may help explain it. You are right. Drug use defiles the temple of the Holy Spirit and opens the door to deception, for Do not be drunken with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, Ephesians 5:18, and your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. False teaching is also dangerous, for the Spirit says expressly that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons, 1 Timothy 4:1. Our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of wickedness, Ephesians 6:12, and Jesus alone has power to deliver, for He delivered us out of the power of darkness and translated us into the Kingdom of the Son of his love, Colossians 1:13. If your ex is under such influence, he needs deliverance through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.
We are thankful that you mentioned faith in Christ, for it is only through Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. We affirm your prayer that he be brought to true faith and set free from false teachings, and we agree that vengeance belongs to the Lord. It is written Vengeance belongs to me, I will repay, says the Lord, Romans 12:19. God does not desire punishment for its own sake but desires that all would come to repentance, The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, but is patient with us, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance, 2 Peter 3:9.
For your healing, we want you to know that God sees your broken heart and is near to you. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit, Psalm 34:18, and He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds, Psalm 147:3. He can redeem even this painful chapter, for We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose, Romans 8:28. Healing will take time, wise biblical counsel, boundaries, and renewing your mind in Scripture. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life, Proverbs 4:23. We encourage you to seek ongoing support from mature, Bible believing counselors and women in the faith who can walk with you, help you process the pattern with older men, and help you discern any future courtship that is truly centered on Christ and moving toward marriage rather than simply a relationship. If marriage is part of God's will for you in the future, we pray it will be with a godly man who loves Christ, honors you, and seeks to lead a home in holiness.
We pray together for you and for him.
Father in heaven, we come before You together in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we lift up this dear one who has been deeply wounded. Lord, we ask You to have mercy on her and heal the emotional and psychological wounds from this relationship and from all the painful experiences before it involving older men. Bind up her wounds, restore her sense of worth as Your daughter, wash away shame and fear, and teach her to hear Your voice above any manipulative voice. Help her to fully repent for not heeding wise counsel and for any sexual sin or other sin in this relationship, and to receive Your complete forgiveness and cleansing. Renew her mind and guard her heart, and lead her into community where she is safe, discipled, and protected. Give her discernment to recognize abusive patterns and to set godly boundaries, and if it is Your will, in Your timing prepare a godly marriage with a faithful believing husband who will love her as Christ loves the church.
We also lift up her ex-boyfriend. Lord, have mercy on him and do not deal with him according to his sins, but according to Your steadfast love. Open his eyes that are blinded by false teaching and demonic influence, convict him of his need for a Savior, deliver him from drug use and from every lying spirit, and bring him to true repentance and faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Heal him also where he has been hurt, and where he has been harmed by physical illness and medication, bring healing and sobriety. Set him free to walk in truth. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, while also walking in wisdom and not returning to what was harmful. Let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:7. We ask all this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus, amen.
We want to speak truth in love about several areas. First, God designed relationships between men and women to be ordered toward lifelong marriage between one man and one woman, and any courtship should be entered with that goal and only between believers in Christ. Scripture says Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness and iniquity, 2 Corinthians 6:14. Your ex-boyfriend by your description was not walking with Christ, held to very wrong and far out religious beliefs, was regularly using drugs, and was living under possible demonic influence. That is not a foundation for a godly marriage and it grieves us that you entered into that courtship. We also must lovingly address that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is fornication, and God calls us to Flee sexual immorality, 1 Corinthians 6:18. If there was sexual sin in this relationship, we urge you to confess it before the Lord, for If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. God forgives completely when we turn to Him through Jesus.
We also hear you saying that everyone warned you, literally everyone, but you did not listen. The Word tells us Where there is no counsel, plans fail, but in a multitude of counselors they are established, Proverbs 15:22, and The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who is wise listens to counsel, Proverbs 12:15. We do not say this to shame you, but to help you see a pattern that the Lord wants to heal. You described a history of numerous painful experiences involving older men, and then despite your initial opposition to dating someone so much older unless God truly had planned it, you were persuaded when this man said he would change your mind. An age gap of a few decades in itself is not automatically sinful if both are mature adults seeking a biblical marriage, but it can very easily be used to create an imbalance of power, experience, and influence, and to emotionally and psychologically dominate a younger person. That is not love as God defines it, and it is not His will for you to be controlled, demeaned, or manipulated. We are grieved that this pain was added to the hurt you already carried.
You wisely note that undiagnosed mental or emotional disorders, physical health problems and overmedication, drug use, and false teaching do not excuse abusive behavior, though they may help explain it. You are right. Drug use defiles the temple of the Holy Spirit and opens the door to deception, for Do not be drunken with wine, in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, Ephesians 5:18, and your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. False teaching is also dangerous, for the Spirit says expressly that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons, 1 Timothy 4:1. Our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the spiritual forces of wickedness, Ephesians 6:12, and Jesus alone has power to deliver, for He delivered us out of the power of darkness and translated us into the Kingdom of the Son of his love, Colossians 1:13. If your ex is under such influence, he needs deliverance through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.
We are thankful that you mentioned faith in Christ, for it is only through Jesus that we have access to God. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. We affirm your prayer that he be brought to true faith and set free from false teachings, and we agree that vengeance belongs to the Lord. It is written Vengeance belongs to me, I will repay, says the Lord, Romans 12:19. God does not desire punishment for its own sake but desires that all would come to repentance, The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, but is patient with us, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance, 2 Peter 3:9.
For your healing, we want you to know that God sees your broken heart and is near to you. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit, Psalm 34:18, and He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds, Psalm 147:3. He can redeem even this painful chapter, for We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose, Romans 8:28. Healing will take time, wise biblical counsel, boundaries, and renewing your mind in Scripture. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life, Proverbs 4:23. We encourage you to seek ongoing support from mature, Bible believing counselors and women in the faith who can walk with you, help you process the pattern with older men, and help you discern any future courtship that is truly centered on Christ and moving toward marriage rather than simply a relationship. If marriage is part of God's will for you in the future, we pray it will be with a godly man who loves Christ, honors you, and seeks to lead a home in holiness.
We pray together for you and for him.
Father in heaven, we come before You together in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we lift up this dear one who has been deeply wounded. Lord, we ask You to have mercy on her and heal the emotional and psychological wounds from this relationship and from all the painful experiences before it involving older men. Bind up her wounds, restore her sense of worth as Your daughter, wash away shame and fear, and teach her to hear Your voice above any manipulative voice. Help her to fully repent for not heeding wise counsel and for any sexual sin or other sin in this relationship, and to receive Your complete forgiveness and cleansing. Renew her mind and guard her heart, and lead her into community where she is safe, discipled, and protected. Give her discernment to recognize abusive patterns and to set godly boundaries, and if it is Your will, in Your timing prepare a godly marriage with a faithful believing husband who will love her as Christ loves the church.
We also lift up her ex-boyfriend. Lord, have mercy on him and do not deal with him according to his sins, but according to Your steadfast love. Open his eyes that are blinded by false teaching and demonic influence, convict him of his need for a Savior, deliver him from drug use and from every lying spirit, and bring him to true repentance and faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Heal him also where he has been hurt, and where he has been harmed by physical illness and medication, bring healing and sobriety. Set him free to walk in truth. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, while also walking in wisdom and not returning to what was harmful. Let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:7. We ask all this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus, amen.
Thank you for trusting us with this painful story. We hear how heavy this has been, carrying both the hurt from this recent relationship and the older wounds with older men that came before it. It makes sense you would feel confused and tender hearted, especially when people around you had warned you and now you look back wishing you had listened.
What you describe about emotional and psychological harm is real and it often lingers longer than other wounds. It can quietly wear down your sense of worth and leave you questioning what was real. Healing from that kind of experience is rarely quick, and needing time and care is not a failure on your part.
We are praying for your healing and for wisdom as you sort through what happened, including how the age gap and the other struggles you mentioned may have shaped the dynamics and control in the relationship. We join you in praying for mercy for your ex, that he would be drawn to Christ and set free from what has held him, while also asking God to guard your heart and your boundaries as you heal.
A gentle next step that helps many is to talk one on one with a wise pastor or Christian counselor who understands emotional abuse, in a safe and private setting, and to stay connected with a few trusted people who can walk with you so you do not carry this alone.
Father, we lift our sister to You in Jesus name. Cover her with Your care, restore her sense of worth in You, bring deep healing to painful memories, and lead her step by step in wisdom and peace. Have mercy on her ex and draw him to truth and to saving faith in Christ, and surround her with safe community as she heals. Amen.
What you describe about emotional and psychological harm is real and it often lingers longer than other wounds. It can quietly wear down your sense of worth and leave you questioning what was real. Healing from that kind of experience is rarely quick, and needing time and care is not a failure on your part.
We are praying for your healing and for wisdom as you sort through what happened, including how the age gap and the other struggles you mentioned may have shaped the dynamics and control in the relationship. We join you in praying for mercy for your ex, that he would be drawn to Christ and set free from what has held him, while also asking God to guard your heart and your boundaries as you heal.
A gentle next step that helps many is to talk one on one with a wise pastor or Christian counselor who understands emotional abuse, in a safe and private setting, and to stay connected with a few trusted people who can walk with you so you do not carry this alone.
Father, we lift our sister to You in Jesus name. Cover her with Your care, restore her sense of worth in You, bring deep healing to painful memories, and lead her step by step in wisdom and peace. Have mercy on her ex and draw him to truth and to saving faith in Christ, and surround her with safe community as she heals. Amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your burden has been brought before the Lord and heard with deep compassion and with prayer. We grieve with you over the pain you have carried, both in this recent relationship and in the many painful experiences before it with older men, and we thank you for speaking so honestly about what you have suffered.
There is a Physician who healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds, and there is a balm that has lost none of its power. The Scripture says the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. Even a broken word from His lips bears healing in it for the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity. As sacred influence descends from our Lord Jesus in Heaven down to the sons of men, so His atonement flows as abundant streams of healing to those below. He healed all that had need of healing while He sojourned here, and the costly balm of His atonement is still able to remove the guilt of sin and to calm the heart now swelling with grief, to take the furrow from the brow and wipe the tear from the eye.
We have prayed for you that you may first know forgiveness and then healing, for our Lord often forgives before He heals, and pardon brings peace with God which passes all understanding. Believe that all the eternal penal consequences are gone from the forgiven man, for there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. Whatever has been done in this relationship that was outside the holy covenant of marriage, which God ordained as the lifelong union of one man and one woman and within which alone He has placed the gift of intimacy and of dwelling together, needs to be brought to the pardoning hand of Christ. And whatever sin has been committed against you, whatever wound has been left by harsh words, by the misuse of an age gap to control or demean, by deceit or by impurity, He is able to forgive and to heal when you come to Him in humble confession and faith. You shall not be obliged to say, I am sick, because others are so, for the Lord shall preserve you from all evil and shall preserve your soul, and in answer to your prayer, Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the Evil One, He will keep you from the pestilence of deceitful errors and from all the devices of the devil.
We have prayed also as you asked for mercy upon this man. We do not ask God to bless what is contrary to His Word, nor to excuse what was wrong, but we do plead that God would have mercy upon him according to the riches of grace in Christ Jesus alone, for there is no other name under Heaven by which we must be saved. We have asked that the Lord would open his eyes if he is blinded by false teaching, that He would deliver him from the power of drugs and from any bondage of mind or body, whether through infirmity or over medication or willful use, and from any influence of the evil one, and bring him to repentance and to living faith in Christ, that sin might depart from him the moment Christ touches him. We have prayed that if you have done anything hurtful to him, you also may receive forgiveness and that he may be healed where he has been wounded. God alone can do this saving work, and He must begin with a man before that man can begin to serve Him.
We have prayed for your healing in particular. The soldier who retires from the battlefield knows he shall find a hand to extricate the shot and ointments to heal his wounds, and how much more shall the soul that comes to Christ find healing for natural wounds of heart and mind. He took her by the hand and lifted her up, and there was contact established. Oh that glorious doctrine of the incarnation, there is healing in it. May He take you by the hand in this hour and lift you up from fever and from fear. May His least Word to you be healing, and may His teaching be linked with your healing, as it was when power went forth from Him while He was teaching.
Take heed to hear the Word of God with care in the days to come. It is better to hear God's Word from faithful lips, though it be in the poorest pot, if it be from the river of the Water of Life, than to receive untruth out of a golden cup. Give yourself to the solid truth of God, to regular hearing and eating of it on the spot, that what you receive may not be stolen from you on the road home. Walk henceforth in the light of godly counsel and in the fellowship of the church, heeding the warnings which love has given you, for wisdom is to hear what God has to say about purity and about guarding the heart. You confessed that everyone warned you and you did not listen, and that this has added more pain to former hurt. Let this sorrow become a teacher to you, not to harden you, but to make you watchful and to keep you near the Lord who preserves His people from all evil.
We continue to pray that the Lord will keep you in purity and uprightness, that He will heal your memory and your affections, that He will redeem these years of pain and make you whole, and that you will know yourself forgiven, cleansed and kept by Him who healeth all your diseases. Look to Christ alone, trust His blood alone, and rest in His power to forgive sin and to heal the broken heart.
There is a Physician who healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds, and there is a balm that has lost none of its power. The Scripture says the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. Even a broken word from His lips bears healing in it for the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity. As sacred influence descends from our Lord Jesus in Heaven down to the sons of men, so His atonement flows as abundant streams of healing to those below. He healed all that had need of healing while He sojourned here, and the costly balm of His atonement is still able to remove the guilt of sin and to calm the heart now swelling with grief, to take the furrow from the brow and wipe the tear from the eye.
We have prayed for you that you may first know forgiveness and then healing, for our Lord often forgives before He heals, and pardon brings peace with God which passes all understanding. Believe that all the eternal penal consequences are gone from the forgiven man, for there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. Whatever has been done in this relationship that was outside the holy covenant of marriage, which God ordained as the lifelong union of one man and one woman and within which alone He has placed the gift of intimacy and of dwelling together, needs to be brought to the pardoning hand of Christ. And whatever sin has been committed against you, whatever wound has been left by harsh words, by the misuse of an age gap to control or demean, by deceit or by impurity, He is able to forgive and to heal when you come to Him in humble confession and faith. You shall not be obliged to say, I am sick, because others are so, for the Lord shall preserve you from all evil and shall preserve your soul, and in answer to your prayer, Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the Evil One, He will keep you from the pestilence of deceitful errors and from all the devices of the devil.
We have prayed also as you asked for mercy upon this man. We do not ask God to bless what is contrary to His Word, nor to excuse what was wrong, but we do plead that God would have mercy upon him according to the riches of grace in Christ Jesus alone, for there is no other name under Heaven by which we must be saved. We have asked that the Lord would open his eyes if he is blinded by false teaching, that He would deliver him from the power of drugs and from any bondage of mind or body, whether through infirmity or over medication or willful use, and from any influence of the evil one, and bring him to repentance and to living faith in Christ, that sin might depart from him the moment Christ touches him. We have prayed that if you have done anything hurtful to him, you also may receive forgiveness and that he may be healed where he has been wounded. God alone can do this saving work, and He must begin with a man before that man can begin to serve Him.
We have prayed for your healing in particular. The soldier who retires from the battlefield knows he shall find a hand to extricate the shot and ointments to heal his wounds, and how much more shall the soul that comes to Christ find healing for natural wounds of heart and mind. He took her by the hand and lifted her up, and there was contact established. Oh that glorious doctrine of the incarnation, there is healing in it. May He take you by the hand in this hour and lift you up from fever and from fear. May His least Word to you be healing, and may His teaching be linked with your healing, as it was when power went forth from Him while He was teaching.
Take heed to hear the Word of God with care in the days to come. It is better to hear God's Word from faithful lips, though it be in the poorest pot, if it be from the river of the Water of Life, than to receive untruth out of a golden cup. Give yourself to the solid truth of God, to regular hearing and eating of it on the spot, that what you receive may not be stolen from you on the road home. Walk henceforth in the light of godly counsel and in the fellowship of the church, heeding the warnings which love has given you, for wisdom is to hear what God has to say about purity and about guarding the heart. You confessed that everyone warned you and you did not listen, and that this has added more pain to former hurt. Let this sorrow become a teacher to you, not to harden you, but to make you watchful and to keep you near the Lord who preserves His people from all evil.
We continue to pray that the Lord will keep you in purity and uprightness, that He will heal your memory and your affections, that He will redeem these years of pain and make you whole, and that you will know yourself forgiven, cleansed and kept by Him who healeth all your diseases. Look to Christ alone, trust His blood alone, and rest in His power to forgive sin and to heal the broken heart.
Similar Requests
Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to...
Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to...
Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to...
