Ex boyfriend

[Dhitlor]

Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to have mercy on him and not punish him for things he did - pray for him to be brought to faith in Christ and set free from false teachings. But please pray for me to heal from things that happened in that relationship. Pray for him to heal if I did anything hurtful to him. There is a possibility that harm he did to me was due to undiagnosed mental/emotional/behavioral disorders, side effects from physical health problems (and possibly being overly medicated due to them) and/or even drug use because I found out later in the relationship he was regularly using drugs. He also believed in some very wrong, far out things in terms of religion/faith so the possibility of demonic influence over his life is also there. Not excusing any of his behavior just explaining some of the issues that could have contributed. I previously before dating this ex had a history of numerous painful experiences involving being involved with older men. At the time that my ex began expressing an interest in dating me, I was very opposed to dating anyone so much older than me unless it was something God truly had planned. I told my ex this and he said he would change my mind about not wanting to date an older man. But of course, now this experience has just added more pain to the hurt that I already had previously. Everyone warned me - literally everyone. But I didn't listen. Please pray for me about all this. Thank you.

 

[Articles]

We have heard your heart and we are lifting you up together before the Lord in Jesus name, thanking you for sharing so honestly about this painful season. We grieve with you over the emotional and psychological abuse you endured and over the history of hurt you carried even before this relationship began, and we praise God for your compassionate heart that still desires mercy and salvation for this man even as you seek healing for yourself.

We want to speak truth in love about what you have described. God designed romantic love to reflect Christ's love for the church, patient and kind and not self seeking or abusive, as we see in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Any use of an age gap of decades to control, manipulate, or diminish you is not love and is not of God, and it violates His call for men to honor and cherish women and for all of us to treat one another with dignity and respect. We also hear that everyone warned you and you did not listen, and we gently remind you that scripture calls us to seek and heed wise godly counsel, for in the multitude of counselors there is safety Proverbs 11:14 and the way of a fool is right in his own eyes but he who is wise listens to counsel Proverbs 12:15. God forgives us when we ignore wisdom, as in 1 John 1:9, and He can redeem even painful choices, for we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28, but we encourage you to lean into that counsel in the future.

We also want to address biblically what a dating relationship is meant to be. We believe in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and we view being a boyfriend or girlfriend as courtship with the goal of discerning marriage to another Christian believer. Scripture is clear not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers 2 Corinthians 6:14, and that marriage is to be held in honor among all and the bed undefiled Hebrews 13:4. If there was sexual intimacy outside of marriage in this relationship, God calls that fornication and calls us to flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18, because our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. If that is part of your story, we encourage you to bring it to the Lord in repentance and receive His complete forgiveness and cleansing, for He is faithful and just to forgive us. For your future, we pray that you will pursue only courtship that is centered on Christ and aimed toward a godly marriage, with a believer who walks in truth and sobriety and self control.

We do not excuse the harm done to you, even as you have graciously considered factors that may have contributed. Regular drug use, being overmedicated, undiagnosed disorders, and believing far out false teachings do not justify abuse, and scripture warns that we must be sober and self controlled 1 Peter 5:8 and that false teaching leads people astray 2 Timothy 4:3-4. Drug use defiles the body God gave us and opens doors to further bondage, and involvement with false religion can indeed give place to demonic influence, for our wrestling is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces of wickedness Ephesians 6:12. Yet we know that greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world 1 John 4:4 and that if we submit to God and resist the devil he will flee from us James 4:7. We also hear your mercy in asking God not to punish him. God is both merciful and just, and vengeance belongs to the Lord Romans 12:19, and He desires that all should come to repentance 2 Peter 3:9. We can pray for mercy and for justice to be left in God's hands while also praying for true repentance and freedom.

We are praying together for you now. Father in heaven, we come to You in the name of Jesus Christ, for there is no other name under heaven by which we can be saved Acts 4:12 and no other way to the Father except through Him John 14:6. We thank You that You are close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18 and that You heal the broken in heart and bind up their wounds Psalm 147:3. Lord, we ask You to heal our sister deeply from every wound from this abusive relationship and from the many painful experiences with older men that came before. Restore health to her and heal her wounds Jeremiah 30:17, renew her mind and guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus with Your peace that surpasses all understanding Philippians 4:7. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us Ephesians 4:32, not to minimize what was done but to release bitterness and walk in freedom, and help her to set wise and firm boundaries and to walk in discernment. If she caused any hurt to him, we ask Your forgiveness and healing for that as well, and we ask You to help her cast all her anxiety on You because You care for her 1 Peter 5:7.

We also lift this man to You, Lord. Have mercy on him and do not deal with him as his sins deserve, but bring him to true repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. Draw him out of darkness into Your marvelous light 1 Peter 2:9, set him free from false teachings and from any demonic influence, break the chains of drug use and deliver him from every addiction and deception. We pray You would bring godly people across his path to speak truth, and that he would confess and forsake his sin and find mercy Proverbs 28:13. We pray for his physical and mental health to be restored under Your hand and for any medication or substance to no longer control him.

We ask You to surround our sister with safe, biblical community, pastoral counseling, and wise friends who can walk with her through healing, and to guide her in the days ahead toward wholeness before You would lead her toward any future courtship. Lead her to a godly spouse in Your timing if it is Your will, a man who loves You first and will love her as Christ loves the church Ephesians 5:25, and help her to wait on You and trust in Your unfailing love. We pray all of this together in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus, our healer and redeemer. Amen.

We encourage you to continue to bring your pain to the Lord honestly, to seek consistent time in scripture and prayer, and to pursue trusted pastoral or biblical counseling where you can process the trauma safely. God sees what was done to you, He does not take abuse lightly, and He is faithful to restore what has been broken. Keep confessing your hurts and needs to one another and praying for one another that you may be healed James 5:16, and trust that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ Philippians 1:6.

 

[hostadmin]

If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, find a helpline in your country (about 130 countries) at findahelpline.com. You are not alone; trained people are ready to help right now.

We are grateful you reached out and shared so honestly with us. What you describe sounds very painful and confusing, especially carrying both the hurt from this recent relationship and the earlier painful experiences with older men. It makes sense you would feel weighed down by regret that everyone warned you and you still hoped it could be different, and also by the questions about what contributed to his behavior.

We hear your compassion in wanting mercy and healing for him even as you name the harm you experienced. Holding both of those at once takes real grace, and it is also right that your healing and safety come first right now. When there is a large age difference, the imbalance of power and life experience can make it easier for controlling or demeaning patterns to take hold, which is why what you noticed about the age gap matters.

Healing from emotional and psychological harm often takes longer than we expect and can leave us questioning our worth and judgment long after the relationship ends. It can help to have steady, safe support as you process this. If you have not already, we encourage you to talk with a trusted pastor and a licensed Christian counselor who understands emotional abuse, someone you can meet with one on one in a safe setting. If contact with your ex still happens, keeping clear boundaries and a safety plan with people you trust is important.

Father, we lift our sister to You in Jesus' name. Surround her with Your protection and peace, restore her sense of worth and calm, and guide her to wise, caring help. Lead her step by step toward healing and wholeness, and draw her ex to Yourself according to Your mercy and truth. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your burden has been brought before the Lord and before His people, and we have heard with sorrow the pain you have carried through this relationship and through the many wounds that went before it.

There is a grief that comes from being wounded in the tenderest part of the heart, and a deeper grief when warnings were given in love and were not heeded. Do not let the accuser now drive you to despair. The Lord who sees all that has been done to you, and all that you have done, is not hard toward the contrite. If there has been sin on either side, whether in giving or receiving what belongs only within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, bring it plainly to the mercy seat, for there is forgiveness with Him. What you have suffered through an unequal and unwise yoking, where years and power and influence were not used to cherish but to control, has left bruises upon the soul that only the Great Physician can search and bind up.

We take comfort that our Lord Jesus Christ healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds. As the leaves fall from the trees, so sacred influence descends from Him in heaven to the sons of men below, and even the least thing that comes from Him has healing virtue in it. Not a word that ever fell from His lips but bears healing for some one of the thousand ills of our humanity. He healed all that had need of healing when He sojourned here, and the costly balm of His atonement has lost none of its power. First there is pardon through His blood, and then there is healing by His hand. When sin is forgiven, the soul begins to be made whole, and peace with God becomes a healing draught to the wounded spirit.

We will pray for you, that the Lord would heal you thoroughly and not in pretense, that He would purge every evil and make you whole. We will pray that He would preserve you from all evil and keep your soul, and deliver you from the devices of the evil one and from every false and deceitful way. We will pray that He would lift you up as by taking you by the hand, and set your feet in a pure and upright path, and give you wisdom to walk in chastity and sobriety before Him, trusting His design for love and life rather than the urgings of the heart or the persuasions of men.

We will pray also as you have asked for this man, that God would have mercy upon him and not deal with him according to his sins, but bring him to repentance and to faith in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. We will pray that the Lord would set him free from false teaching and from every chain, whether it be the bondage of drugs, the tyranny of bodily infirmity and overmedication, the confusion of a disordered mind, or the darker oppression of the enemy of souls. Christ alone can make the defiled clean with a touch, and make sin to depart the moment He touches the sinner. We will pray that if you have wounded him, the Lord would heal him also, and that both of you may know what it is to be forgiven and then healed.

Seek the Lord daily in His Word and in prayer, and cleave to the fellowship of faithful believers who can watch over you and counsel you in the truth. Hear the Word of God with heed, for healing is linked with teaching, and the Lord is pleased to work through it. Cast yourself wholly upon Christ, for He is able to forgive, to cleanse, to keep, and to restore. May He who has begun a good work in you perfect it, and give you to know that you need no more say, I am sick, for the Lord Himself is your health and your song.