Ex boyfriend

Dhitlor

Good and Faithful Servant
Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to have mercy on him and not punish him for things he did - pray for him to be brought to faith in Christ and set free from false teachings. But please pray for me to heal from things that happened in that relationship. Pray for him to heal if I did anything hurtful to him. There is a possibility that harm he did to me was due to undiagnosed mental/emotional/behavioral disorders, side effects from physical health problems (and possibly being overly medicated due to them) and/or even drug use because I found out later in the relationship he was regularly using drugs. He also believed in some very wrong, far out things in terms of religion/faith so the possibility of demonic influence over his life is also there. Not excusing any of his behavior just explaining some of the issues that could have contributed. I just want to add that I previously before dating this ex had a history of numerous painful experiences involving being involved with older men. At the time that my ex began expressing an interest in dating me, I was very opposed to dating anyone so much older than me unless it was something God truly had planned. I told my ex this and he said he would change my mind about not wanting to date an older man. But of course, now this experience has just added more pain to the hurt that I already had previously. Everyone warned me - literally everyone. But I didn't listen. Please pray for me about all this. Thank you.
 
We have read your request with heavy hearts and we are bringing you before the Lord together in Jesus' name. We thank you for your honesty about the pain you have carried, both from this recent relationship and from the history of painful experiences with older men before it. We see your desire to heal and your compassionate heart in asking for mercy for this man even as you acknowledge the harm that was done to you.

We want to speak clearly about what you have described. A relationship where there is a gap of a few decades can very easily become an imbalance of power, experience, and influence, and when that imbalance is used to control, manipulate, or emotionally and psychologically wound another person, it is not love. The Bible tells us love is patient and is kind, love does not seek its own way and is not provoked, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth, and bears all things and endures all things as seen in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What you describe as emotionally and psychologically abusive, where he said he would change your mind after you clearly told him you did not want to date someone so much older unless it was truly God's plan, is not patient or kind and it does not honor the Lord. We also hear you that literally everyone warned you and you did not listen, and we gently remind you how the Lord gives us wisdom through godly counsel. Without consultation plans are frustrated, but in the multitude of counselors they are established as Proverbs 15:22 says, and Proverbs 11:14 tells us where there is no wise guidance the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory. Turning away from that counsel often leads to added hurt, but God in His mercy can still redeem and teach us even from those painful choices, for we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose in Romans 8:28.

We also want to address the nature of dating itself from a biblical perspective. We believe courtship between a man and a woman should be with the clear goal of discerning marriage to a fellow believer in Christ, for marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman that honors God. We are to be unequally yoked as 2 Corinthians 6:14 teaches, and we are to pursue purity. If there was any sexual intimacy outside of marriage in this relationship or in previous relationships with older men, the Bible calls this fornication and we would urge you to bring it to the Lord in repentance, for 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to flee sexual immorality and 1 John 1:9 promises if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This is not to shame you but to point you to the complete cleansing and restoration that is available in Christ.

You mentioned the possibility that his harmful behavior was contributed to by undiagnosed mental and emotional struggles, physical health problems and being overly medicated, regular drug use, and very wrong religious beliefs that may open the door to demonic influence. We agree with you that these things do not excuse sin, though they can help explain patterns of brokenness. Drug use defiles the temple of the Holy Spirit and clouds sobriety, for we are told to be sober and self-controlled and to be sober and watchful because your adversary the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour in 1 Peter 5:8. False teaching is spiritually dangerous, for some will fall away from the faith paying attention to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons in 1 Timothy 4:1, and we do wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers as Ephesians 6:12 reminds us. We also understand that hurt people often hurt others, and your prayer for him to heal if you did anything hurtful to him shows a Christlike humility. At the same time, the Lord calls us to have no fellowship with the unfruitful deeds of darkness but rather even reprove them in Ephesians 5:11, and to let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth but only what is good for building up as Ephesians 4:29 says.

Your heart to ask God not to punish him but to have mercy and bring him to faith in Christ reflects the heart of our Savior who desires all people to be saved. We join you in praying for his salvation, for there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved as Acts 4:12 declares, and Jesus himself said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me in John 14:6. At the same time we leave justice in God's hands, for vengeance belongs to me, I will repay says the Lord in Romans 12:19. God is both merciful and just, and true mercy for this man would be repentance and being set free from false teachings, drug use, and any demonic influence through faith in Jesus Christ.

We are praying together for your healing. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit in Psalm 34:18, and he heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds in Psalm 147:3. We pray that God will gently restore what has been broken and restore to you the years that the locust has eaten as Joel 2:25 promises, and that He will give you wisdom and discernment for the future so that you will not be drawn again into relationships with older men that promise care but bring control and pain. We pray you will be surrounded by wise, godly counsel, perhaps a pastor or biblical counselor and trusted mature believers, who can walk with you, help you set healthy boundaries, and help you discern a future godly marriage if it is His will, rather than a repeating pattern of courtship that leads to hurt.

We pray together now. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we lift this dear sister to You. We ask You to pour out Your mercy and healing upon her heart and mind where she has been wounded emotionally and psychologically. Wash away shame, fear, confusion, and grief, and replace them with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, not to excuse what was done, but to release bitterness and walk in freedom, for if you forgive men their trespasses your heavenly Father will also forgive you in Matthew 6:14. Reveal to her any areas where she needs to confess and turn from sin, and cleanse her fully by the blood of Jesus. Give her wisdom to heed godly counsel in the future and to pursue only a courtship that is centered on Christ and aimed toward a holy marriage to a believing man who will love her as Christ loved the church. Lord, we also bring this man before You. Have mercy on him, open his eyes to the truth of the gospel, deliver him from drugs, from false religion, and from any influence of the enemy, and draw him to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ alone. Heal him also where he has been wounded, and let Your will be done in both lives. We ask that You make her whole, guard her heart, and lead her in Your perfect plan. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to remain in the Word daily, to stay in fellowship with a Bible-believing church, and to seek ongoing support as you heal. God sees all you have endured and He has not abandoned you. Continue to cast all your worries on Him because He cares for you as 1 Peter 5:7 says, and trust that He who began a good work in you will perfect it.
 
Thank you for trusting us with this painful story. We hear how heavy this has been, both from this recent relationship and from hurt involving older men long before it. It makes sense you would feel confused and even blame yourself for not listening when everyone warned you.

We notice your kindness too, praying for mercy for him and for him to come to know Christ and be set free, even as you ask God to heal your own wounds. Holding compassion for another person while being honest about harm done is very difficult, and it is good you are bringing both to God.

Healing from ongoing emotional and psychological mistreatment often takes longer than people expect. Even after a relationship has ended, the way it can wear down worth and confidence can linger, and it is normal to need time and support to regain steadiness.

One steady next step many find helpful is to have one safe, consistent person to talk with one on one, like a trusted pastor or Christian counselor experienced with relationship harm, who can listen at your pace without pressure. If you have a safe friend or family member, letting them walk alongside you can keep you from carrying this alone. Alongside prayer, professional support can be an important part of healing.

Father, we lift our sister to You in Jesus name. Bring her deep healing, restore her sense of worth in You, give her wisdom and peace as she processes what happened and guard her from shame. Have mercy on her ex, draw him to true faith in Christ, free him from what is false and harmful, and bring healing where he needs it. Lead her step by step in Your care. Amen.
 
Praying for your request and you

Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and his name.
Mathew 5:44
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you
1 Peter 4:8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Luke 10:27

He answered, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.
Mathew 7:1-3

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Isaiah 54:17a
No weapon formed against you shall prosper
Mathew 18:20
20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.
 
Your sorrow has been laid before the Lord who healeth the broken in heart, and it is to Him we must look for healing, for there is a balm and there is a Physician who can give joy to the troubled countenance and calm the heart now swelling with grief.

The Scripture says the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and from this we learn that the least thing about Christ is healing. As the leaves fall from the trees so does sacred influence descend from our Lord Jesus in Heaven down to the sons of men, and the very least that has to do with Him has a healing virtue in it. There is not a Word that ever fell from those dear lips but what bears healing in it for some one or other of the thousand ills that have befallen our humanity. This medicine is given and appointed for the very purpose of healing, and He healed all that had need of healing while He sojourned here, and the costly balm of His atonement has lost none of its power.

You have passed through a painful and wounding season, and the pain you describe from an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, made heavier by a great age gap and by the influence of drugs and false religion, is not light in the eyes of God. The Lord shall preserve you from all evil, He shall preserve your soul, and in answer to the prayer Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the Evil One, He keeps His people from insidious and deceitful errors and sins and from all the devices of the devil. What you have suffered, and the history of hurt you carried before this relationship, has left wounds that only His hand can truly heal. It is easy to get religious notions and fancy ourselves safe, but a real saving work is the work of God and God alone, and He must begin with you before you can begin with Him. He must take you by the hand and lift you up, for there is healing in the contact of Christ with the soul.

You confess that everyone warned you and you did not listen, and now grief and perhaps shame press upon you. Hear the healing power of the Gospel which is power to forgive sin. O you who are now sick unto death, ask to be forgiven and healing will come from the pardoning hand. For the forgiven man there can be no condemnation at the Day of Judgement, and all the eternal penal consequences are gone. The Lord does not heal with reproach but with mercy, and He can breathe into your soul at this very moment a peace with God which passes all understanding, which springs from perfect remission of your manifold iniquities. Bring your regret and your wounds to Him and ask Him to put His fear in your heart that you shall not depart from Him.

We will pray as you have asked. We do not ask God to bless what was harmful or contrary to His holy design, for marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman and the gift of intimacy belongs within it, and salvation is through Jesus Christ alone. But we do ask for mercy and for healing for you both.

We pray that the Lord would have mercy upon this man, not leaving him under condemnation but bringing him to faith in Christ, that he may be set free from false teachings and from every demonic influence and from the bondage of drug use and whatever infirmities of mind and body have entangled him. Christ can heal sin in the same way He cured the leper, and if He touches the worst man He can make sin to depart from him the moment He touches him. We pray that God would bring him to repentance and to a true knowledge of the Saviour, and if you did anything hurtful to him, we pray the Lord would heal him and grant him also forgiveness and restoration in Christ.

And for you, we pray that the Lord would heal you wholly. That He would extricate every dart that remains, that He would wipe the tear from the eye and remove the agitation from the bosom. That He would heal the deeper wounds of those earlier painful experiences with older men, and this added pain also, and teach you to hear His Word with heed. It is better to hear God's Word from the poorest pot if it be from the river of the Water of Life than to receive untruth out of a golden cup. May you be kept in purity and uprightness, and may you be surrounded by faithful counsel in the church, and by wise and godly help for the trauma you have endured. Seek the solid Truth of God from any faithful ministry, and eat it on the spot, for what a man eats at the table will not be stolen from him by a thief on the road home.

Let us pray together. O Lord Jesus, Thou great Physician, Thou who healest the broken in heart and bindest up their wounds, look upon this Thy child in mercy. Forgive sin and then heal sorrow. Let the healing leaves of the tree of life fall upon this wounded spirit. Grant pardon through Thy blood and peace through Thy righteousness. Preserve from all evil and from the Evil One. Deliver this man from darkness and falsehood and bring him to know Thee as Lord and Saviour. And for her whom Thou hast afflicted and yet lovest, grant a real healing from Thine own hand, that she may rise up and serve Thee in newness of life. Keep her near Thee, teach her Thy way, and make her whole. Amen.

Abide under His teaching where the healing power is conspicuously present when Christ is teaching, and lean upon that promise that the Lord will keep you and will not suffer you to be moved beyond what He will sanctify for your good.
 

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