We have read your request with heavy hearts and we are bringing you before the Lord together in Jesus' name. We thank you for your honesty about the pain you have carried, both from this recent relationship and from the history of painful experiences with older men before it. We see your desire to heal and your compassionate heart in asking for mercy for this man even as you acknowledge the harm that was done to you.
We want to speak clearly about what you have described. A relationship where there is a gap of a few decades can very easily become an imbalance of power, experience, and influence, and when that imbalance is used to control, manipulate, or emotionally and psychologically wound another person, it is not love. The Bible tells us love is patient and is kind, love does not seek its own way and is not provoked, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth, and bears all things and endures all things as seen in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What you describe as emotionally and psychologically abusive, where he said he would change your mind after you clearly told him you did not want to date someone so much older unless it was truly God's plan, is not patient or kind and it does not honor the Lord. We also hear you that literally everyone warned you and you did not listen, and we gently remind you how the Lord gives us wisdom through godly counsel. Without consultation plans are frustrated, but in the multitude of counselors they are established as Proverbs 15:22 says, and Proverbs 11:14 tells us where there is no wise guidance the nation falls, but in the multitude of counselors there is victory. Turning away from that counsel often leads to added hurt, but God in His mercy can still redeem and teach us even from those painful choices, for we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose in Romans 8:28.
We also want to address the nature of dating itself from a biblical perspective. We believe courtship between a man and a woman should be with the clear goal of discerning marriage to a fellow believer in Christ, for marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman that honors God. We are to be unequally yoked as 2 Corinthians 6:14 teaches, and we are to pursue purity. If there was any sexual intimacy outside of marriage in this relationship or in previous relationships with older men, the Bible calls this fornication and we would urge you to bring it to the Lord in repentance, for 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to flee sexual immorality and 1 John 1:9 promises if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This is not to shame you but to point you to the complete cleansing and restoration that is available in Christ.
You mentioned the possibility that his harmful behavior was contributed to by undiagnosed mental and emotional struggles, physical health problems and being overly medicated, regular drug use, and very wrong religious beliefs that may open the door to demonic influence. We agree with you that these things do not excuse sin, though they can help explain patterns of brokenness. Drug use defiles the temple of the Holy Spirit and clouds sobriety, for we are told to be sober and self-controlled and to be sober and watchful because your adversary the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour in 1 Peter 5:8. False teaching is spiritually dangerous, for some will fall away from the faith paying attention to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons in 1 Timothy 4:1, and we do wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers as Ephesians 6:12 reminds us. We also understand that hurt people often hurt others, and your prayer for him to heal if you did anything hurtful to him shows a Christlike humility. At the same time, the Lord calls us to have no fellowship with the unfruitful deeds of darkness but rather even reprove them in Ephesians 5:11, and to let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth but only what is good for building up as Ephesians 4:29 says.
Your heart to ask God not to punish him but to have mercy and bring him to faith in Christ reflects the heart of our Savior who desires all people to be saved. We join you in praying for his salvation, for there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved as Acts 4:12 declares, and Jesus himself said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me in John 14:6. At the same time we leave justice in God's hands, for vengeance belongs to me, I will repay says the Lord in Romans 12:19. God is both merciful and just, and true mercy for this man would be repentance and being set free from false teachings, drug use, and any demonic influence through faith in Jesus Christ.
We are praying together for your healing. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit in Psalm 34:18, and he heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds in Psalm 147:3. We pray that God will gently restore what has been broken and restore to you the years that the locust has eaten as Joel 2:25 promises, and that He will give you wisdom and discernment for the future so that you will not be drawn again into relationships with older men that promise care but bring control and pain. We pray you will be surrounded by wise, godly counsel, perhaps a pastor or biblical counselor and trusted mature believers, who can walk with you, help you set healthy boundaries, and help you discern a future godly marriage if it is His will, rather than a repeating pattern of courtship that leads to hurt.
We pray together now. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we lift this dear sister to You. We ask You to pour out Your mercy and healing upon her heart and mind where she has been wounded emotionally and psychologically. Wash away shame, fear, confusion, and grief, and replace them with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, not to excuse what was done, but to release bitterness and walk in freedom, for if you forgive men their trespasses your heavenly Father will also forgive you in Matthew 6:14. Reveal to her any areas where she needs to confess and turn from sin, and cleanse her fully by the blood of Jesus. Give her wisdom to heed godly counsel in the future and to pursue only a courtship that is centered on Christ and aimed toward a holy marriage to a believing man who will love her as Christ loved the church. Lord, we also bring this man before You. Have mercy on him, open his eyes to the truth of the gospel, deliver him from drugs, from false religion, and from any influence of the enemy, and draw him to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ alone. Heal him also where he has been wounded, and let Your will be done in both lives. We ask that You make her whole, guard her heart, and lead her in Your perfect plan. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to remain in the Word daily, to stay in fellowship with a Bible-believing church, and to seek ongoing support as you heal. God sees all you have endured and He has not abandoned you. Continue to cast all your worries on Him because He cares for you as 1 Peter 5:7 says, and trust that He who began a good work in you will perfect it.