Depressive Episode...again...

[NamelessAria]

So I've made it about a week between bouts of severe debilitating depression (which is better than not getting better at all!) and I find myself back right where I was. I feel like I never actually make any progress in life and I'm scared I will never be able to work through everything to be normal again. I don't want to live the rest of my life as some crazy depressed person who can't get out of bed and go shower much less do anything else in life, who is terrified of the telephone with social anxiety and PTSD. I'm trying SO hard to move forward but I feel like a hamster on a running wheel just going in circles. I'll do better for awhile and I'll think I've gotten past everything and I'm normal but then everything just falls apart. I feel broken... like God broke me when He made me. I was supposed to be getting married in less than a month but my fiancé called me tonight and told me that he thinks I have some issues I need to work out before I can make a marriage work and he wants to wait awhile. I'm just absolutely crushed because it reinforces how completely broken, unlovable and worthless I feel. He seems to think one day I'll "become my own person" and that person will be normal and I feel like he wants to marry the person I'm GOING to be someday (maybe...) and not the person I am now. And I can't blame him... I don't like me the way I am either. I wasn't ever able to pull myself together long enough to finish college, I haven't been able to hold down a job for any meaningful amount of time I'm just a complete FAILURE. I feel like I can't even have a conversation with someone. People think I'm trying to start a fight or cause drama when I'm honestly just trying to understand them or get them to understand me. I'm doing the best I can and it just isn't good enough. I just wish I was dead.

I need help and I know only God can help me. I don't know what to pray for...

TL;DR (too long; didn't read): I'm depressed and suicidal and need God's help. Please pray for me.

 

[TERRY]

Dear Heavenly Father as I come to you Lord I ask that you grant this request according to you will. Lord I ask this in Jesus name. Amen.

 

[cjc]

praying that our Heavenly Father will watch over you lead, guide and help you

in Jesus name we pray. please know that God & Jesus loves you & so do many of us even though we may not know you personally we love you as a person and we are so sorry that you are hurting so. please try too look too Jesus. praying that he will surround you with his loving care.

 

[angel8118]

I pray that you find you way and that you realise how beautiful and wonderful you are. I have been depressed too and felt suicidal, but life is a gift from God and only he has the power to take it away. And until then this gift is for you beautiful girl. God loves you, and even though you can't understand why everything is happening the way it is, it will get better. I pray for your healing, I pray for God's love to surround you. I pray that God helps you, and I pray for miracles for you. In Jesus's name I pray, amen.

 

[GreaterGoodGuy]

God works in ways that are far beyond our situation and will always be there for you even when you cannot feel his presence. I pray that things will begin to unfold in your favor, in accordance with God's perfect will. In Jesus name, Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for giving us the privilege to pray on your behalf. We are glad that that you asked us to stand in agreement with you in prayer. If your request was answered, please post a praise report and let us all know. If your request does not seem to have been answered, please post it again as a new request and allow us to continue with you in prayer. We all hope that our prayers are answered in the way that we want. Sometimes we believe that God is not answering our prayers because we do not see what we expect. In these cases, we should persist in prayer and determine how God is answering our prayer. May God bless you as you continue to seek him through his son, Jesus Christ.