You feel the motion of things beneath you and you are not certain whether it is a wave that will lift you safely to shore or a current that will carry you where you did not mean to go. That sort of unsettledness is one of the hardest trials a believing heart can face, because it is not a sharp pain you can locate and bring to the Lord in a single cry; it is a low, constant hum of questions. And I want you to know that our Lord Jesus does not stand far off, waiting for you to sort it all out before you may approach Him. He walks on the water, and He walks straight toward the boat that is being tossed.
You spoke of a good many things, but the heart of it seems to be that a soul you have come to care for, and whose character you see real good in, is tangled up in some confusions about the faith, and the whole matter is moving at a speed that leaves you breathless at one moment and halting at the next. You are trying to hold the reins loosely because you want God to choose, yet your own affections are already leaning in a particular direction, and the two things pull against each other. That is a wearying place to stand. But it is not a place the Shepherd does not know. Many of His dear sheep have stood in that same spot of mixed longing and holy caution.
What I would lay gently before you is this: the God who has kept you until now is the same God tomorrow, and the day after, and through every tangle of human relationships. The sun that rose this morning is the same sun your father’s father saw. The promises that steadied you when you were younger have not aged a day. And the Lord who has begun a good work in you is not going to drop your hand because a new question has arrived. Your circumstances have shifted, but the throne has not shifted. The One who governs your life is not pacing the floor of heaven, wondering what to do about this coworker of yours. He is not anxious, and His timing is not broken. If it feels fast to you, He can slow it. If it halts, He can quicken it. He holds the hours.
Now, about his confusion over certain truths, you did well to name that. Do not push it aside as a small thing, but neither let it drive you to a hard, suspicious spirit. The Lord has saved men whose heads were full of muddled notions, and He has cleared away many a fog from a sincere mind by the patient shining of His Word. You cannot straighten another person’s theology by fretting, but you can walk in such quiet consistency, such humble and joyful cleaving to Christ, that the truth becomes lovely to him because he sees it adorning someone he trusts. A holy life is God’s own commentary on sound doctrine. The best argument is often a gentle spirit that does not need to win every point today, because it is confident the Lord will finish His own work. Pray that the Spirit who leads into all truth would be his teacher. That is a prayer you may offer with complete liberty, and it shifts the burden from your shoulders to shoulders that are infinitely able.
And here is a thought I would press upon your heart: the Lord often permits us to feel our own smallness in these things so that we will lean less upon our own judgment and more upon His. If you could see the whole path clearly, you might walk it without once looking up. But now you are compelled to look up constantly, and that is never a disadvantage. A ship that feels the deep water under her keel is a ship that needs an anchor. The anchor is not your ability to figure everything out; the anchor is the character of God, sure and steadfast. He does not change with the shifting currents of a new relationship. He was good yesterday, He is good now, and He will be good if every earthly hope should disappoint. You are safe in Him before anything else is settled.
As for the burdens your friend is carrying in his work, that sense of being thrust into deep waters with very little preparation, I am glad you asked prayer for that. It is a real trial, and the Lord sees it. Many a child of God has learned more of Christ’s sustaining grace in a season of being “thrown to the wolves” than in years of smooth sailing. When a man is forced to depend upon the Lord for daily strength in his calling, he often finds that the Lord is nearer than he had ever guessed. And it may be that, in His kindness, God is giving you a small window into what sort of man he is under pressure. Do not miss that. How a soul bears a heavy yoke tells you more about his character than a year of easy conversation ever could.
But most of all, keep your own eyes fixed where they belong. Not upon the man, not upon the circumstances, not upon the age gap or the speed of events, but upon Christ. He is the one who wore the yoke for you, the heavy yoke of sin and sorrow, so that every other yoke you ever bear might be shared with Him. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light, not because He asks nothing of us, but because He asks us to walk with Him, and He does the carrying. Lean your whole weight there, and the other questions will settle themselves in His time, which is always the right time.
Let me pray for you.
Lord Jesus, You see this dear soul, pulled in honest affection and held back by holy caution. Steady the inward ground beneath her feet. Speak peace to the hurry, and grant patience in the waiting. Let no false step be taken, and no true leading be missed. And for this man she has named before You, guard him in his labors, give him wisdom where he feels inadequate, and make the pressure of his work a means of drawing him nearer to Yourself. Untangle his thoughts where they are knotted, and let the simplicity of the gospel become his delight. Over both of them, spread Your pierced hand in blessing, and let Your will be done, and known, and loved. Amen.