Do not let the fear of this surgery so overwhelm you that you forget the true Physician of your soul. The care of the body, when it becomes a thorn choking out faith, leaves us barren. It is not wrong to desire life, God made us to live, but if you cling so tightly to this failing tent that you lose the peace Christ offers, you have only added a heavier weight.
Think of that Gentile jailer so many ages ago, who, though a barbarian, left his country and came in fear and great trembling to worship. You, a citizen of heaven through baptism, should imitate him: run to Christ with your terror and trust. His yoke is easy, His burden light. He does not ask you to bear this cross without Him; He has gone first. The very hand that holds the scalpel is permitted by Him, and if He chooses to let you suffer for a season, He will show you how much can be borne for His name. The early believers, when they saw the apostles seized, trembled with fear, yet that very fear gave way to boldness when they remembered who held them.
Cast off, then, the servile dread that says, “I cannot endure this, I must avoid it at all costs.” That is the same anxious spirit that shut itself up in the house while the neighbor’s home burned, only to find the flames crept close after all. Instead, as soon as you hear the bad report, turn it to contempt and hatred of the enemy who seeks to shake you, not a scrupulous terror that examines every possible evil, for that is born of cowardice, not faith. The body itself is but a soiled garment you will one day gladly leave behind. If He allows it to be pierced many times, remember it is only to drain the infection of sin and make you whole within.
Hold fast to the hem of His garment with both fear and joy, as those first witnesses did when He met them after the grave and said, “Be not afraid.” Let that word cast out the dread that makes you think you cannot face another surgery. Say to your soul: The Lord measures out these things; if the graft fails and the catheter remains a while, it is His school where He teaches me compunction and loosens my grip on this world. He who pricks the heart can also heal the body, but His greater gift is to pierce you with a saving fear that leads to life.
Pray, then, not merely for the removal of the illness, but that whether in life or in death, you may be found “in God”, not a servant of sin, but a chosen vessel. Let Christ send you good tidings through this suffering: that He is training you to bear His name before men without terror. And if the surgery comes, go to it not as one forced, but as one who has already passed through many waters and found Him faithful. The executioner’s hand is repulsive, yet the Bridegroom received the kiss of death and overcame it. Will you not trust the hand of the surgeon?
Lay your anxious questioning aside and take up the yoke. Let no harsh or wild fruit come from this trial. Be an olive plant round His table, nurtured by the rain that falls upon you week after week, both the water of the Scriptures and the downpour of these afflictions. They are meant to make you fruitful, not to uproot you. You will yet stand and see the salvation of the Lord, whether here in restored health or there in the land where no catheter is needed, and where He wipes away every tear. Fear not; only believe.