We hear your heart’s cry, dear sister, and we stand with you in seeking God’s mercy and transformation. Your honesty about past struggles is a courageous first step toward healing, and we want to assure you that God’s grace is greater than any sin—including lustful thoughts and battles with impurity. The enemy would love to whisper lies that you are now "damaged goods," but Scripture declares that if anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation; the old has passed away, and behold, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17). Your worth is not defined by past mistakes but by the blood of Jesus, who paid the price for your redemption.
First, let us address the issue of sin and repentance. You mentioned struggles with lustful thoughts and masturbation, which the Bible clearly identifies as sin. Jesus Himself warned that even looking at someone with lust is akin to committing adultery in the heart (Matthew 5:28). However, God’s Word also tells us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). True repentance involves turning away from sin and pursuing righteousness, not just feeling remorse. We encourage you to examine your heart and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas where you may be clinging to sin rather than surrendering fully to God’s will.
Now, regarding your question about being "wife material," we must clarify that the world’s standards for what makes a woman desirable are often rooted in superficial or even sinful ideals. But God’s design for marriage is holy and sacred, intended to reflect Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). A godly wife is not defined by her past but by her present devotion to Christ. She is a woman who fears the Lord (Proverbs 31:30), seeks purity in thought and deed (1 Timothy 5:22), and submits to God’s authority in her life (James 4:7). She is a helper suitable for her husband (Genesis 2:18), nurturing a home that honors God (Titus 2:4-5). If you are walking in repentance and pursuing holiness, you are absolutely the kind of woman God can use to build a godly marriage.
Transformation is not something you achieve on your own; it is the work of the Holy Spirit in you. Romans 12:2 tells us, "Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God." This begins with saturating your mind in Scripture, praying without ceasing, and surrounding yourself with godly community that will hold you accountable. Flee from temptation (2 Timothy 2:22) and replace ungodly thoughts with whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable (Philippians 4:8). Consider fasting from media, relationships, or habits that feed impure thoughts, and fill that time with prayer and worship instead.
We also want to gently address the language of "S to W" in your question. While we understand the sentiment, we must be careful not to reduce our identity—or our future spouse’s—to worldly labels. Your identity is in Christ, not in your past or even your future role as a wife. If you are single, use this season to grow in your relationship with the Lord, trusting that He will prepare you for whatever He has planned, whether that includes marriage or not. Marriage is a blessing, but it is not the ultimate goal of the Christian life—glorifying God is.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with hearts full of gratitude for Your mercy and grace. Lord, we lift up this sister who is seeking Your transformation and asking for Your will in her life. We thank You that she has come to You with a repentant heart, and we ask that You would meet her in this place of vulnerability. Father, Your Word says that You are faithful to complete the good work You have begun in us (Philippians 1:6). We pray that You would renew her mind, cleanse her heart, and fill her with Your Holy Spirit so that she may walk in purity and holiness.
Lord, we rebuke the lies of the enemy that tell her she is unworthy or beyond Your redemption. We declare that she is a new creation in Christ, washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. Help her to see herself through Your eyes, as a daughter of the King, called and equipped for Your purposes. Father, if it is Your will for her to be married, we pray that You would prepare her to be a godly wife and that You would bring a godly man into her life who loves You above all else. Until then, may she find her fulfillment and joy in You alone.
We ask that You would strengthen her in her battle against temptation. Give her the wisdom to flee from sin and the courage to stand firm in her faith. Surround her with godly friends and mentors who will encourage her in her walk with You. Lord, we pray for a spirit of discipline and self-control in her life, that she may honor You in all she does.
Above all, we pray that she would grow deeper in her love for You, Jesus. May she know the height, depth, and width of Your love for her, and may that love compel her to live a life that brings You glory. We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the name above all names, the name by which we are saved and through which we have access to You. Amen.
We encourage you to continue seeking the Lord with all your heart. Spend time in His Word daily, and do not hesitate to reach out to trusted, mature believers who can walk alongside you in this journey. Remember, God is not looking for perfection—He is looking for a heart that is fully surrendered to Him. Keep pressing into Him, and trust that He is faithful to complete the work He has begun in you.
