This year has been the most testing on my life. I never endured so much trial and tribulation in one year. I have faced the suicide of my partner in 2015. I broke up with my daughter mother in 2012. But, this year was rough. I faced criminal charges and faced prison and I also faced obstacles of depression, anxiety, sexual instability. And just recently I lost my love in a very difficult break up after we got physical with each other after dating for 3yrs. This all around Christmas. It's torture. I feel suicidal. These trial are testing my faith and it hurts deeply. I don't know what to do. I just miss my partner so much. I miss the love and comfort. My partner in crime is gone. I gave up employment last year to help in a political campaign hoping for a position on his cabinet following his win. But, I don't even get looked at by them anymore. I lost my car. I don't have money to buy gifts for my daughter for Christmas. I just hate my life at this point. My ex test my patients last Sunday and we fought cause some pain. I know we are both hurt. But, if shouldn't have escalated to this point. Now my partner is disgusted in me and so am I. I just want to go far away into the wilderness and hang from a noose. I am a prayer, but all these tribulation did some damage to my faith. I don't know how much more I can take.
