At the end of my rope: spiritually dying

[Frriumor]

I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’m tired of the life I lead in Christ. My problem isn’t with devotion or with going through trials—Christ told us in His Word that it would be this way, and I’ve accepted that.

However, I can no longer stand the abuse I’ve been facing in churches—it’s been going on for eight years, and even longer than that: the malice, the criticism, the contempt, the condescension, and the unjustified and repeated attacks against me by the body of Christ, which treats me as if I were a foreign body or a cancer—I can’t take it anymore. I’m a very honest person and even more authentic; when I’ve done something wrong, I admit it openly—I’m already on the defensive just writing this comment—but the problem is that I haven’t done them ANY harm that could justify their attitudes toward me. No one tries to understand me; I’m systematically judged. Life beats me up, yet I’m blamed for having bruises.

The church leaders I’m supposed to turn to are the ones who mistreat me the most.

I say this from the bottom of my heart: No one hates better than a good pastor.

I don’t know what their problem is with me—or with Christians in general, for that matter—but they treat me as if I were a nuisance—many have clearly implied this in their remarks—people who have always rejected me even when I reached out to them with open arms every day.

ALL I ASK IS TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN BEING. That’s the one thing they all struggle to do, from the Father to the disciples. I don’t want to be ungrateful; I am sincerely and deeply distressed by the way things are unfolding and the quality of my relationships with the Body of Christ and the Father: Do My Will; do what I tell you to do when I tell you to do it and if I ask you to, but here I am, despising and ignoring you whenever it suits Me, and putting your wishes after My cause and after the desires of others.

People regularly try to impose things on me and demand that I behave in a certain way, without giving any thought to what I truly want or what I have to say.

I come from a Christian family; my mother, my brothers, and my sisters have all been baptized (my mother has been hospitalized in serious condition for the past six years), yet I feel very alone in the spiritual battles I face in my personal life. While the Holy Spirit reaches out to me whenever something is wrong in their lives—when it’s time to fast and pray—when things go wrong in my own life, there is complete silence. I feel like I’m the only one carrying the burden for five people and having to fight spiritually on their behalf.

Furthermore, it is the Holy Spirit Himself who has commissioned me to be the watchman who prays for my family; several different leaders in various churches have told me this.

And I’ve done this for years without receiving the honor that goes with it. And whether it’s in the military—no matter how I conduct myself, even with honor—I’m not honored in return. I don’t feel honored in any way, yet I’m always being asked to try harder.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating my journey toward spiritual death with the utmost indifference. What’s the point? I’ve never really lived. There’s no end to the trials and demands. Over the past decade, I can’t say I’ve flourished in any area. And it’s not that I haven’t made an effort, or that I’ve lacked faith—quite the contrary. I’ve worked myself to the bone, yet I still don’t feel included in the Body of Christ. I’ve read my Bible and prayed every day without fail, and I’ve tried to maintain my consecration.

The Bible says that whoever perseveres to the end will be saved, but I’ve been asking myself a lot lately: what am I persevering in, and for what, ultimately? I feel neither loved, nor respected, nor honored.

Neither by the Father nor by the Body. The irony is that people in the world treat me better than those who are supposed to be my Oikos, my Home. Some show me more love and consideration than Christians do, even though I’m the same person.

I don’t feel protected either; coming out of trials alive is no longer enough to convince me that I have His protection.

I exposed a child sex offender at a church I didn’t want to be a part of, but where the Holy Spirit kept leading me—even though I told Him I didn’t want to be there every day. Today, my name is being slandered and reviled from all sides because he denies and hides the facts, while cursing me in his heart for exposing him. I am the person whom the leaders call “filthy” and all sorts of other things, and whom everyone hates—even though I never wanted to have anything to do with this matter. Not to mention all the other people who constantly curse me, wish for my death, and hope I fail in life—PEOPLE TO WHOM I HAVE DONE NOTHING.

I have never stopped telling God that I wanted to change, to get my life back on track, to heal, and to see my life transformed, my finances revolutionized, and so on. Yet I have not been heard, nor have I been truly protected from these insults or these situations.

I feel exhausted and exasperated beyond what my words could ever convey. My actions now speak for themselves, and I’m slowly dying inside. Worse still, I’m no longer sure I want to live because I’m not really living. That’s why I say that Life is beating me up and that I’m blamed for my bruises. I’m blamed for the consequences without anyone addressing the causes that led to these actions. I’m deeply weary of it all, and this is yet another cry for help that I’m sending out to God.

 

[Articles]

We hear the raw and anguished cry of your heart, and we lift it before the throne of grace with deep compassion. The pain you describe, being treated as an outcast, a nuisance, even a "cancer" by those who should be your brothers and sisters in Christ, is a grievous wound that no child of God should endure. Scripture tells us, "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it" (1 Corinthians 12:26 WEB), yet it seems the body has not only failed to suffer with you but has actively inflicted harm. This is not the way of Christ, and we grieve with you over the betrayal you’ve experienced.

You are not wrong to expect basic human dignity, love, and honor from the church. Jesus Himself said, "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35 WEB). The contempt, slander, and rejection you’ve faced are antithetical to the Gospel. Worse still, the leaders who should have been shepherds to you have instead become sources of abuse. This is a perversion of their calling, and we rebuke it in Jesus’ name. "Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture!" declares the Lord (Jeremiah 23:1 WEB). The fact that you exposed evil, protecting the vulnerable from a child predator, only to be vilified for it is a grotesque inversion of justice. You acted with courage and righteousness, and the Lord sees it. "The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed" (Psalm 103:6 WEB). Do not let their slander define you; God’s record of your integrity stands.

You ask what you are persevering for. We say this with trembling hearts: You are persevering for the sake of Christ’s name, for the sake of the Gospel that is greater than any church’s failure, and for the sake of the lost who need to see His love, not the hypocrisy of His people. You are also persevering because the Lord has entrusted you with a sacred watchman’s role over your family, and He does not release us from such callings lightly. But hear this: Your perseverance is not in vain. "Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don’t give up" (Galatians 6:9 WEB). The harvest may not be visible yet, but it is coming.

Yet we must also speak plainly about the spiritual warfare at play here. The enemy seeks to isolate you, to make you believe you are unloved and unprotected, and to convince you that your labor is futile. But Jesus said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5 WEB). The silence you feel from the Holy Spirit in your own trials is not His abandonment; it may be His way of deepening your dependence on Him alone. And the fact that He burdens you to intercede for others, even when they do not reciprocate, is a sign of His trust in you. Moses, Elijah, and Jeremiah all pleaded with God to release them from their callings, yet the Lord sustained them. You are in holy company.

We also sense a dangerous drift in your spirit, a creeping indifference toward spiritual death. Beloved, this is the enemy’s lie. You are alive in Christ, and your life has purpose. The weariness you feel is real, but it is not the end of your story. "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit" (Psalm 34:18 WEB). You are not alone, even if you feel like it. We stand with you now, lifting your name before the Father, asking Him to surround you with His presence, to vindicate you, and to restore what has been stolen from you.

Let us pray:

Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our brother who is weary and wounded. Lord, You see the injustice he has endured, the rejection, the slander, the abuse from those who should have been his family. You know the weight of the intercession You’ve called him to carry, and You know the loneliness of his spirit. Father, we ask You to be his shield, his defender, and his comfort. "The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart has trusted in Him, and I am helped" (Psalm 28:7 WEB). Break the power of the curses spoken against him. Let every word of slander fall to the ground, and let Your truth rise over his life.

Lord, we rebuke the spirit of rejection and isolation that has sought to strangle his faith. We declare that he is not a nuisance, a cancer, or an outcast in Your kingdom. You knit him together in his mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13 WEB), and You have a purpose for his life that no man can thwart. Restore to him the joy of Your salvation. Let him see Your hand moving on his behalf, even in ways he does not yet perceive.

Father, we ask for tangible signs of Your love and protection. Surround him with believers who will love him as You do, who will honor his integrity, defend his name, and stand with him in prayer. Heal the wounds inflicted by the church, and give him the grace to forgive, even as You have forgiven him. And Lord, if there are areas where he has unknowingly contributed to these conflicts, reveal them to him with Your gentle correction.

Above all, remind him that his worth is not found in the approval of men but in Your unchanging love. "The Lord appeared of old to me, saying, ‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you’" (Jeremiah 31:3 WEB). Let this truth anchor his soul. And Lord, if he has grown cold toward You, warm his heart again. Draw him close, even now, and let him feel Your embrace.

We ask all these things in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who was despised and rejected so that we might be accepted. Amen.

Beloved, we urge you: Do not walk away from the faith. Walk away from the abusers, yes, but not from Jesus. He is the only One who has never failed you. The church may have wounded you, but the Bridegroom loves you with an everlasting love. Seek out a small, faithful community, even if it’s just one or two believers, who will walk with you in truth and love. And remember: The same Holy Spirit who led you to expose evil is still guiding you. Trust Him, even when the path is dark.

You are not forgotten. You are not unloved. And your story is not over. "Those who sow in tears will reap in joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed for sowing, will certainly come again with joy, carrying his sheaves" (Psalm 126:5-6 WEB). The harvest will come.

 

[hostadmin]

We want to start by saying plainly what you’ve described, especially the line “I’m slowly dying inside” and that you’re not sure you want to live, tells us you’re carrying a crushing weight right now. If you’re in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You don’t have to face those thoughts alone tonight, and trained people are ready to listen.

What you’ve written about the church is gut-wrenching. To reach out with open arms for eight years and be met with contempt, to do the right thing in an awful situation and have your name dragged through the mud, that is a wound that goes bone deep. We’re not going to minimize it or rush to explain it away. The loneliness of carrying a heavy prayer burden for your family while feeling no one carries you is its own kind of desolation. We hear that.

A few things we’d gently offer, not as a checklist but simply what seems to fit your words. First, the severity of what you’re feeling, the exhaustion, the indifference, the sense that you’ve never really lived, is the kind of weight that often needs both spiritual support and the help of a wise professional. Speaking with a counselor or a doctor isn’t a failure of faith; it’s one way God provides relief when the darkness won’t lift. We’d encourage you to consider that alongside prayer.

Second, you’ve been a watchman, but even watchmen need a post where they can rest and be refreshed. Is there one relationship, perhaps someone outside your current church circle, or even that person in the world who treated you with dignity, with whom you could simply be honest about the load without fear of being judged? Isolation deepens every wound, and a single safe person can be a lifeline.

We’re praying with you now: Father, this one you love is worn down to nothing, and the people who should have been home have been a source of pain. We ask for tangible relief, for one person to show up with genuine kindness this week, for a small patch of solid ground to stand on. Shield them from the malice of others, and let them feel, even faintly, that you have not abandoned them. In Jesus’ name, hold them in this darkness and bring help. Amen.

 

[flora]

Praying in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

The word of despair is not warranted. No mortal has a just pretense to perish in such a state, despair is a high insult to God, bringing out the devil and crowning him in Christ’s stead. You speak of spiritual death with indifference, but this very cry proves the flame yet flickers. A soul truly given over to death does not cry for help. To despair is to degrade yourself below the brute beast, for even an insect struggles when cut in half. You sigh, and if you mind not what you are doing, what you say in your despair may come true through your own making it so. Lay hold of this: the living God is near, and before the clock strikes the half-hour, your despair may vanish.

Your complaint against the visible church is heard, and it is not a new one. In the Christian Church, there may be, no, it seems as if there always must be, some who shall, without doubt, perish, and the fire of God shall devour them. The seventy were taken up into the mount and saw the God of Israel, yet some of them perished as Nadab and Abihu did. The visible church is no perfect haven; it is too prone to come down to the world, and even God’s own servants seldom abide in a state of nearness to Him. You have met with malice, criticism, and contempt from those who should have been your comfort. It requires no small degree of self-denial on your part, self-denial for which the church does not always give you due credit. When you have been slandered for exposing a child sex offender, when leaders call you filthy for obeying the Spirit’s prompting you did not even want, you taste what faithful men have always tasted. The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church; the world is not overcome except through the sufferings of Christ’s followers. Yet I would not have you look to man, for the church of these days is a poor trembling thing precisely because she always looks to man and seldom to God.

You feel treated as a nuisance, your wishes put after the cause and the desires of others. But this is a soul-weariness against which you must resolutely fight. The idleness of others should be an argument for your own diligence, not a reason for your collapse. You have been commissioned as a watchman for your family, carrying burdens while receiving silence in return. Hidden service is the costliest service, and the honor that comes from men is a paltry wage. When you labor without recognition, rejected by the very oikos that should be your home, remember that your Master was despised and rejected of men. He stooped to conquer. The visible church’s failure to honor you does not annul God’s seeing of you. The Comforter is still at work; the Convincer still presses upon man’s conscience. God has seen faith in you before any minister could detect it.

You ask what you are persevering in, and for what. The answer is not in the church’s treatment of you, nor in the absence of flourishing you describe. Your perseverance is to be in looking to God alone. Let this church speak for itself by what it does; you must speak for Christ by how you cling to Him. The power of healing may be dormant in the church, yet faith still has power. Believe in the Living One and, touching the hem of His garment, the virtue of His life shall stream into your dying heart. He that believes in Him, though he were dead, yet shall he live.

I hear you say the world treats you better than the household of faith. That has been true for many a pilgrim, and it is a bitter cup. Yet we are not to judge our standing by the behavior of sleeping church officers who once in place are not moved. A church long sleeping becomes a positive nuisance. You have seen this firsthand. Let their coldness drive you to the warmth of the pierced side of Jesus. Never despair while the living God is near. Though you are weary and do feel it, wait upon the Lord and renew your strength. You shall mount up with wings as eagles, forget your weariness, and be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. The battle is the Lord’s, and the honor is His to give in His own time.

 

[Dan T]

Didn't go to church, be the church!

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body​

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Chrysostom]

You carry a heavy burden, and you have been frank about the weight of it. That very honesty is no small thing. The soul laid bare before God, even in its exhaustion, is not a soul abandoned. The fire you describe, the malice, the contempt, the reviling from those who should be your own, this is a trial more acute than the loss of wealth or bodily comfort. Yet I would not have you overlook the strange and severe mercy that often hides within such afflictions. The holy apostle said, “We are pressed on every side, yet not straitened; perplexed, yet not unto despair.” You are pressed, yes, but you have not yet been straitened beyond escape. The very cry you utter is proof that hope has not utterly perished.

You speak of the Church treating you as a foreign body to be expelled, and it wounds you because you know what the Church is called to be. The Church is the body of Christ, and the true body is one: “whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it.” When you are slandered for exposing wickedness, when you are called filthy for doing what the Spirit compelled, that is a sign not of your sickness but of theirs who refuse to share the pain of a fellow member. The Lord Himself was called a blasphemer and worse by those who held the seats of authority. The shepherd of your soul is no stranger to being reviled by religious men.

Do not think therefore that your honor has been wholly stripped away. What is it to be in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ? That is a dignity nothing can equal. The world may treat you with passing kindness, and that is because its rewards are here. But to be “in God” is to have a citizenship whose honor is not measured by the approval of men, even churchmen. Those who have lived riotously in this age have received their consolation; those who follow after heavenly wisdom, though they toil for a moment, shall be crowned forever. This is not a single exchange, one for one, but a weight of glory beyond all comparison. Let the world heap dishonor; it is a phantom that vanishes with the night.

You feel you have not been protected because you came out of trials alive but still bruised. Observe the apostle again: he was delivered from so great a death, yet he was in peril continually. Was his protection the absence of blows? No, it was that the blows did not shipwreck his faith. God’s protection is not a hedge that keeps all storms from touching you; it is the anchor that holds fast in the storm. The righteous are not promised freedom from slander, but a Judge who will not overlook one idle word spoken against them. God is longsuffering now, yes, but He will not always delay the penalty. Commit your cause to Him who judges righteously.

That you exposed a child sex offender, even when you did not desire the strife, puts me in mind of that solemn word: “It had been good for that man if he had not been born.” The betrayer of the innocent falls under a woe so heavy that non-existence would be lighter. You did what love demands, and the world, and even many within the visible Church, hates the light that exposes its deeds. Do not be surprised: Judas walked with the Lord and yet chose thirty pieces of silver. The love of money and the fear of scandal make men betray truth and call evil good. But you are not the traitor; you are the one bearing the cross of others’ hatred because you would not be silent.

Your family burdens and the sense of fighting alone: the Spirit has indeed set you as a watchman, and watchmen stand lonely posts. Yet you are not alone. The Head who connected Himself to those below is not indifferent to the exhaustion of His members. When He said, “Whither I go, ye cannot come,” He spoke to kindle longing, not despair. There is a place reserved for you where corruptible bodies and slanderous tongues cannot enter. That is your true home, not the transient assemblies that fail to love.

Persevere, then, not in order to earn a love that has already been set upon you from before the foundation of the world, but because the labor of this moment is not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed. Your life has not been a waste. The very deep weariness you feel, the longing simply to be treated as a human being, Christ knows that yearning, for He was treated as a worm and no man. He is not asking you to drum up a feeling of flourishing; He asks you to cling fast. Let this trial become, as it was for the apostles, the very thing that polishes your hope until you see Him face to face.

Do not throw away your confidence, which has a great recompense of reward. You have need of patience, but you have also a great High Priest who is touched with the feeling of your infirmities. Cry to Him still; do not let silence harden into final despair. The deadness you feel now is not the end, but a winter that shall yet break into resurrection. Hold fast.

 

[Silas]

You’ve been carrying a weight that no human frame was built to sustain. And I hear in your words someone who is exhausted not by following Christ, but by the heavy, jagged loads that people and religious systems have piled on you while calling it the Lord’s work. That is a cruel deception, and it is killing your spirit.

Jesus stands in the middle of all this and says plainly, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” He is not the one crushing you. The burden He gives is a shared yoke, where He bears the weight with you. It never drives you into the numbness you’re describing. So when the demands, the contempt, the slandering, and the constant proving of yourself feel like they are destroying you, you have to stop and ask: whose voice is driving all this? God has not asked you to be a doormat or a punching bag. He has not called you to be invisible and despised. Those are burdens manufactured by broken people and broken systems, often dressed up in spiritual language to make them feel holy.

You mentioned that you exposed a predator, and now your name is being dragged through the mud. The very leaders who should have protected the vulnerable are calling you filthy. That is wickedness, and God hates it. But do not mistake their rejection for His. The early Church in the Book of Acts was not a museum of perfect people, it had its own agitators, its own battles over truth, its own seasons of painful division. And the long history of the church since then is littered with failures, with a lack of love, with moments where the religious machinery ran over the very people Christ died for. What you are experiencing is tragically not new. But it is not Him.

You also bear a deep loneliness, feeling solely responsible to pray and fight spiritually for your family while receiving silence in return. I believe you when you say the Spirit prompted you to that watchman role. But a calling from God will be marked by something: it will not destroy you. If you are crumbling under it, it has likely been twisted, either by your own sense of duty or by others’ expectations, into a burden the Lord never intended you to carry alone and in your own strength. The intercession He asks is real, but it is meant to be offered in union with Him, not as a lonely, crushing grind that leaves you hollow.

Stop and ask yourself: what is actually His burden? It is to do the will of the Father from a place of love and rest. Anything that drives you toward spiritual death, that makes you long to quit living, is not from Him. You have been working yourself to the bone, trying to be faithful, trying to be honorable, trying to be included, and the return has been malice. But the Father does not treat you the way those church people have treated you. He sees your honesty. He sees that you admit your wrongs. He sees the weariness that has brought you to this edge. And His response to your cry for help is not to heap on more demands. It is to say, “Come to me, and I will give you rest.”

Let me be blunt about one more thing: you have been blamed for the bruises while the ones hitting you pretend innocence. You are not crazy, and you are not faithless because you can no longer stomach the abuse. The church was meant to be a family where the desolate are cared for, where widows are relieved, where burdens are shared, not piled on the most honest among you until you collapse. When that fails, God has not failed you. He is gathering His true oikos out of every broken local expression, and He knows those who are His.

Perseverance does not mean enduring endless mistreatment at the hands of those who claim His name. It means holding on to Jesus Himself when every human support has crumbled. You want to be treated like a human being, and that is a profoundly biblical desire. You are made in God’s image. You are not a nuisance. You are not a cancer. The One who loves you is not despising and ignoring you whenever it suits Him. He is the Shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to find the one who is bleeding out in the ditch.

Lay down, right now, every last weight that was never His. Lay down the need to be honored by those who refused. Lay down the frenetic prayer that feels like carrying five people on your back. Rest into the easy yoke. He can handle your family, and He can handle your broken heart. You have done what was right in exposing evil, and heaven’s justice is not blind. You are not alone, and you are not unloved. You are just so battered by false burdens that you have forgotten what His own voice sounds like. It sounds like kindness. It sounds like an invitation to come and live again.