I pray that God will heal your heart and the first step is letting go of the anger. Not easy to do, if not already, tell God. The Bible says, "in your anger do not sin." God knows that things will make us angry and afraid, hurt us and overwhelm us and if a God who would not hold anything back but send His Son to pay the price for OUR sins, the beat Him, spit on Him and ridiculed Him, "He was beaten beyond human recognition" that means they beat Him so bad His face was unrecognizable and His back was scarred and blood ran down His face. So, He gets hurt, He understands pain, He understands feelings of abandonment, His disciples left when they came to get Him. Tell Him how you feel and ask Him give you wisdom, clarity over the things that hurt you. Some things are due to someone else's bad choice, some things happen because of our own and some things just happen due to the natural course of events and if allowed it is only to grow our faith, strengthen us or draw something out of us (a passion for purpose), but never to hurt us. The cross proves that. God gave us free will and He will not take that away, so in free will good and unfortunately bad happens. I had a son that was killed in a car accident and it was his fault--driving down a dirt and very rough road way too fast. I told him not to go but HE did not listen. It was not my fault, I did what I was supposed to do, it was his. God can tell us and others what to do, but when we or they do something wrong and do not listen the fault lies with the one who did wrong. When my children growing up would fall, I could not always keep them from falling but I picked them up and loved them and healed their hurts.
Tell God your feelings He is a very big God and can take it, but then tell Him to love on you and heal your pain. He will. "ask and you shall receive."
Psalm 147:5 "Great is our Lord and mighty in power, His understanding has NO limit."