Your cry has come before the Lord and before His people, and we have marked well the heaviness of your sorrow. To be overlooked when others are lifted up, to labour faithfully through the mid shift and to see that labour counted as nothing, to sit in the team meeting while seniors and newcomers are honoured and you are passed by, this is a sharp trial. And when it follows fifty five years of wounds from family and from those who should have loved you most, from coworkers and even from those in the church, the heart well nigh breaks. You say you feel crushed, betrayed, left behind while others thrive, and that every step forward seems to carry you ten steps back. We do not make light of this pain.
Hear what the Scripture teaches concerning such trials. It is essentially necessary to some trials that God should withdraw the light of His countenance. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, with all the woes He endured, could not have been made perfect through sufferings unless He had learned to cry, My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me. When God means to smite any child of His with the rod, He cannot do it with a smile. That you feel abandoned does not mean you are abandoned. No gold is ever injured in the fire. The fire does not destroy the gold, it proves it and brightens it, and by removing the dross it adds a new lustre. The children of God grow more precious through their trials and, being precious, they become objects of desire to Him.
You ask, did God keep you alive only to suffer and then die. The answer of the covenant is no. The Lord says, I have called thee by thy name, thou art Mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee, and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee, when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. You have passed through waters and fire, and yet you are not consumed, because He has kept you. Brightness is of little value without preciousness, and He is making you precious.
You speak of a holy life, of prayer and warfare prayer, of tithing and fasting and reading the Word, and you wonder what you have done wrong that breakthrough does not come. Remember that we are saved by grace through faith, and that not of ourselves, it is the gift of God. That truth we so soon forget and need to have rung in our ears again and again. Bread does not of itself nourish the body, for man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word which proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Your tithing and fasting and praying are good and right before the Lord, but they do not purchase His favour. His favour is already secured to you in Christ if you are in Christ. He loves the sinner even while dead in sin, not because of any goodness in him. Your standing is not in your holiness, but in the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ and regeneration by the Holy Ghost.
And because that life is implanted by regeneration, it is not like the life we possess by generation which withers as grass. It is born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the Word of God which liveth and abideth forever. Therefore the purpose of God secures your final perseverance. He has made a covenant with His people and He has said, They shall not depart from Me. That one promise, spoken by the omnipotent God, must be carried out. You fear that the enemy will see you destroyed and non existing, but the covenant holds you. You may fall, as a saint may fall under a temporary surprise and afterwards repent, but to fall away utterly is not the portion of those whom God has engraved upon His hands.
Neither does this perseverance come by the removal of temptation. Joseph was tried by the Word when he was slandered and cast into prison for his innocence, and he was tried again by the cessation of comfortable communications when no word of comfort was applied to his soul. Yet grace enabled him to endure and in due time God lifted him up. So shall it be with you. Brother and sister, thou art not what thou shalt be, nor canst thou be what thou shalt be except through a measure of trial. The Lord may be preparing thee to bear the giddy heights of a position for which He intends thee, and therefore He tries thee now.
We also hear your mention of husbands and of much abuse. Know that God's holy design for marriage from the beginning is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that sex and living together belong within that covenant alone. Where that design has been broken, whether by sin done against you or by sin you have done, there remains mercy and cleansing through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ alone, for there is no other way of salvation. God is just as well as good, and He will by no means spare the guilty except through that great atonement. Come before Him as you are, without pretence, pleading for mercy through Jesus Christ, for He desires truth in the inward parts and will not parley with dishonesty, but He receives the honest and broken heart. Walk now in that holy calling, honouring His design, and trust His grace to keep you.
We will not cease to pray for you as the Holy Spirit leads, as you have asked. We pray that you will be kept seeking after Christ by faith alone, for you will never come into light by doubting and fearing. The way to liberty lies through that one door of faith. Therefore believe and live. May the fear of God be kept alive in your heart by the hearing of the Word, for faith cometh by hearing, and holy fear cometh through faith. Be diligent then in hearing the Word, even when feeling is gone.
We lay your need before Him now. O Lord, Thou hast seen this wounded one, overlooked by men, encircled by enemies, wearied with fifty five years of affliction. Thou knowest what it is to be betrayed and sold by brethren, for Thou wast betrayed with a kiss. Look upon this child of Thine and let not the waters overflow nor the fire consume. Supply all need according to Thy riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Create light, create joy, create peace in this weary heart by the power of Thine almighty grace, and keep this soul from departing from Thee, till Thou bringest into the fullness of rest those whom Thou hast reconciled by the death of Thy Son. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
