Silas
Beloved of All
What you have described is heartbreaking, and it is not your fault. Being hit and being told that you should never wake up is wrong. That is not discipline and it is not love. You have not angered the Lord into allowing this, and the abuse you are enduring is not a punishment from Him for some hidden failure. God does not treat His children with cruelty or humiliation, and He does not measure your worth by how perfectly disciplined or humble you try to be.
It is understandable to ask why Jesus has not yet removed you from this home or why He has not yet provided a peaceful place or a marriage to escape to. Part of the pain comes from how we often think about prayer. Prayer is not a way to get God to do what we want, as if we can persuade Him to change His mind to fit our wishes. Prayer begins with God and His good will for us. He places His desires in our hearts, we then speak those desires back to Him, and He answers as we come into agreement with Him. Jesus taught us to pray, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, before we pray for our own needs. That order matters. God loves you and wants what is truly best for you, which is why His will is always better than simply granting every wish in the moment we ask it.
Scripture shows that God sometimes delays an answer not because He is ignoring the prayer, but because He is doing a deeper work. A woman in the Bible prayed for years for a child, weeping and unable to eat, and God heard her the whole time. In that long waiting He was shaping her character and preparing her to be part of a much larger purpose. When her heart came fully into harmony with His purpose, He answered. Your years of praying are not wasted and they are not unheard. God is able to use even this painful season to strengthen you in a way that cannot happen any other way.
That is why the prayer of the apostle Paul is so important for you right now. He prayed that believers would be strengthened with power by the Spirit in the inner person, that Christ would settle down and make Himself at home in their hearts through faith, and that they would be rooted and grounded in love. When everything around you is unstable and threatening, God wants to make you strong on the inside first. To have Christ at home in your heart means there is no part of your life hidden from Him, no corner where you feel you must hide in shame, but a deep fellowship where you know you are loved and safe with Him even while your outward circumstances are still hard. That inner strength and that rootedness in His love is what keeps faith from failing when deliverance has not yet come.
Jesus told one of His disciples, I have prayed for you that your faith would not fail. He did not pray that the trial would instantly disappear, but that in the trial the disciple would find the comfort and help of God and not lose heart. It is right to ask God for deliverance and for a safe home, and you should keep pouring out your heart to Him honestly, even with tears, just as that woman did. God invites that kind of honest prayer. At the same time, ask Him also for what He most wants to give you now, strength in your inner being, a deeper sense of Christ living in you, and a faith that remains steady because it is grounded in His love. Prayer often brings assurance and peace before the circumstance changes, and it ends in quiet confidence that He is with you.
Because the longing to escape is so intense, the thought of marriage can feel like the only way out. Please be very careful here. Entertaining any man who shows interest, even when you know he is not right, will not bring the peace you are seeking. Marriage to the right person can be a great blessing, but marriage to the wrong person can bring a different kind of deep suffering. Marriage is meant by God to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, and physical intimacy and living together belong only within that covenant. Using marriage simply as an escape often leads to more hurt. If marriage is part of God's future for you, spend much time in prayer over that decision and wait for the one He has for you, rather than rushing toward anyone who offers a way out. Your worth and your safety are not dependent on finding a husband quickly.
You are trying to be disciplined, humble, and faithful in confession, and those are good things, but they do not earn God's protection as if He is keeping score. He loves you because you are His, through Jesus Christ alone. Keep confessing sin and walking honestly with Him, but not as a bargain to get Him to act. Come to Him boldly because Jesus has opened the way, and come with confidence that He hears you.
Because you are being harmed at home, please do not carry this alone. If you are in immediate danger, please seek help right away from a safe family member, a trusted pastor or counselor, or the appropriate authorities in your area. If you are a minor or dependent, tell a safe adult you trust. It can also help to have a faithful prayer partner, someone mature in faith with whom you can be completely honest and who will pray for you regularly, as Scripture says to confess and pray for one another so that healing may come. You need both spiritual support and practical safety support from people who can walk with you in person.
God sees the daily humiliation you endure and He has not forgotten you. Keep bringing your whole heart to Him, asking not only for a change of circumstances, but for His will to be done and for His strength to fill you inside. He who loves you most is able to make you strong within, to dwell fully in your heart, and to lead you step by step into the peaceful life He desires for you.
It is understandable to ask why Jesus has not yet removed you from this home or why He has not yet provided a peaceful place or a marriage to escape to. Part of the pain comes from how we often think about prayer. Prayer is not a way to get God to do what we want, as if we can persuade Him to change His mind to fit our wishes. Prayer begins with God and His good will for us. He places His desires in our hearts, we then speak those desires back to Him, and He answers as we come into agreement with Him. Jesus taught us to pray, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, before we pray for our own needs. That order matters. God loves you and wants what is truly best for you, which is why His will is always better than simply granting every wish in the moment we ask it.
Scripture shows that God sometimes delays an answer not because He is ignoring the prayer, but because He is doing a deeper work. A woman in the Bible prayed for years for a child, weeping and unable to eat, and God heard her the whole time. In that long waiting He was shaping her character and preparing her to be part of a much larger purpose. When her heart came fully into harmony with His purpose, He answered. Your years of praying are not wasted and they are not unheard. God is able to use even this painful season to strengthen you in a way that cannot happen any other way.
That is why the prayer of the apostle Paul is so important for you right now. He prayed that believers would be strengthened with power by the Spirit in the inner person, that Christ would settle down and make Himself at home in their hearts through faith, and that they would be rooted and grounded in love. When everything around you is unstable and threatening, God wants to make you strong on the inside first. To have Christ at home in your heart means there is no part of your life hidden from Him, no corner where you feel you must hide in shame, but a deep fellowship where you know you are loved and safe with Him even while your outward circumstances are still hard. That inner strength and that rootedness in His love is what keeps faith from failing when deliverance has not yet come.
Jesus told one of His disciples, I have prayed for you that your faith would not fail. He did not pray that the trial would instantly disappear, but that in the trial the disciple would find the comfort and help of God and not lose heart. It is right to ask God for deliverance and for a safe home, and you should keep pouring out your heart to Him honestly, even with tears, just as that woman did. God invites that kind of honest prayer. At the same time, ask Him also for what He most wants to give you now, strength in your inner being, a deeper sense of Christ living in you, and a faith that remains steady because it is grounded in His love. Prayer often brings assurance and peace before the circumstance changes, and it ends in quiet confidence that He is with you.
Because the longing to escape is so intense, the thought of marriage can feel like the only way out. Please be very careful here. Entertaining any man who shows interest, even when you know he is not right, will not bring the peace you are seeking. Marriage to the right person can be a great blessing, but marriage to the wrong person can bring a different kind of deep suffering. Marriage is meant by God to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, and physical intimacy and living together belong only within that covenant. Using marriage simply as an escape often leads to more hurt. If marriage is part of God's future for you, spend much time in prayer over that decision and wait for the one He has for you, rather than rushing toward anyone who offers a way out. Your worth and your safety are not dependent on finding a husband quickly.
You are trying to be disciplined, humble, and faithful in confession, and those are good things, but they do not earn God's protection as if He is keeping score. He loves you because you are His, through Jesus Christ alone. Keep confessing sin and walking honestly with Him, but not as a bargain to get Him to act. Come to Him boldly because Jesus has opened the way, and come with confidence that He hears you.
Because you are being harmed at home, please do not carry this alone. If you are in immediate danger, please seek help right away from a safe family member, a trusted pastor or counselor, or the appropriate authorities in your area. If you are a minor or dependent, tell a safe adult you trust. It can also help to have a faithful prayer partner, someone mature in faith with whom you can be completely honest and who will pray for you regularly, as Scripture says to confess and pray for one another so that healing may come. You need both spiritual support and practical safety support from people who can walk with you in person.
God sees the daily humiliation you endure and He has not forgotten you. Keep bringing your whole heart to Him, asking not only for a change of circumstances, but for His will to be done and for His strength to fill you inside. He who loves you most is able to make you strong within, to dwell fully in your heart, and to lead you step by step into the peaceful life He desires for you.
