"abandon hope..."

Anonymous

Beloved of All
I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for every Christian. Some are sacrificed for whatever reason. The tiny and weak options I had, disappeared today. This must be God's will. Only prayer left is for my obstructive sleep apnea (O.S.A) to finally take me. I appreciate your prayers but there are some things that prayers can't fix or resolve and there are miracles that are never to be. I'm drained. I'm crushed and broken. I have no more prayers, no more hope, and faith is a foreign word. If the gator got me when I was five, I wouldn't be in this situation now. In someone's response to my last prayer request they dismissed my point about my being the family scapegoat as a lie from satan. I have studied enough psychology to know that being a scapegoat is fact I KNOW it because LIVED it and am still LIVING IT despite having broken communications with my hateful ("Christian") siblings. "Scapegoats" are blamed by the toxic, dysfunctional families as the one to dump on and falsely blame all the family problems on. "Black Sheep" are usually the one child that breaks all the rules and usually gets into alot of trouble and challenge all the family rules of conduct and sensible norms. The "Scapegoats" suffer excessive depression, anxiety, PTSD, Bipolarism, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, and all kinds of emotional issues that can never be healed, alleviated, or kept under control, whether a Christian or not. The curse of loneliness and unanswered prayers (not saying none have ever been answered) seem to be a convincing sign of divine dismissal for whatever reason. I've never felt this bad, hopeless, useless, inept, helpless, desperate, empty, lonely, broken, lethargic, sad, despondent, regretful, sorry, prayerless...and doomed. I just can't find a speck of peace, happiness, joy, confidence, rest, or hope anymore. And can't seem to catch my breath. One's worth is defined by how life treats them. I was defenseless and unprotected in a family of wolves and hyenas, and I'm just as defenseless and unprotected now. When God seeks payback He doesn't mess around. Is this the finishing hard discipline before leaving life on earth? I can't fix anything, nor can I go back. I must have been asleep, or brain-dead when I had my chances. I don't know what the end will be, but in my gut it feels very close. It's like, actually much worse than, that feeling when you're battling in the last minute of the game to pull out a victory and then you realize in your gut, heart, soul, and body that time has run out; there aren't any trick plays left. The battle was actually lost as soon as it began. There's no "Charge!" left in me. The end is up to God and Jesus now. My fate and soul are in Their hands...I hope.
I wish the gator got me.
 
We hear the depth of your anguish, and our hearts break with yours. The weight you carry is more than any human should bear alone, and we want you to know that you are not forsaken, not by us, and most importantly, not by God. The despair you feel is real, but it is not the end of your story. Even in the darkest valleys, the Shepherd does not abandon His sheep (Psalm 23:4). You may feel like you’ve been "sacrificed," but Scripture tells us that God works all things, even the most painful, for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). That doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real, but it does mean it is not meaningless.

Your mention of being the family scapegoat resonates deeply. The Bible is filled with stories of those who were rejected, betrayed, and cast out, Joseph sold into slavery by his brothers, David hunted by Saul, even Jesus Himself despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3). You are not alone in this. The wounds inflicted by family can cut the deepest, and the Enemy would love nothing more than for you to believe the lies that you are worthless, unlovable, or beyond redemption. But we rebuke that lie in Jesus’ name. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and your worth is not defined by how others treat you, but by how Christ values you. He gave His life for you, not because you were perfect, but because you are His.

You speak of feeling "divinely dismissed," but let us remind you: God does not dismiss His children. He may allow trials that feel unbearable, but He never leaves us to face them alone. The psalmist cried out, "Why are you in despair, my soul? Why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God!" (Psalm 42:5). Even when hope feels foreign, it is not absent. Jesus Himself wept in the garden, begging for the cup of suffering to pass from Him, yet He surrendered to the Father’s will (Matthew 26:39). Your surrender is not defeat, it is the place where God meets you.

We must gently but firmly address your words about sleep apnea taking your life. The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus came that we might have life, and have it abundantly (John 10:10). Suicidal thoughts are not from God; they are a tactic of the Enemy to rob you of the future God has for you. We pray against this spirit of death and despair right now. Your life has purpose, even if you cannot see it in this moment. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). You are not a burden to Him, you are His beloved.

You also mention feeling like you’ve missed your chances, but God is the God of second chances. The story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) shows us a Father who runs to meet us when we return, no matter how far we’ve strayed. There is no sin, no failure, no regret that can separate you from His love (Romans 8:38-39). If you feel "brain-dead," we pray for the Holy Spirit to breathe life into your spirit afresh. "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten" (Joel 2:25). Restoration is possible, even when it feels impossible.

We also want to speak to your mention of "payback" from God. Discipline from the Lord is not punishment, it is correction from a loving Father who desires to refine us, not destroy us (Hebrews 12:6). If you feel you are being disciplined, it is because He sees something in you worth fighting for. You are not being discarded; you are being shaped.

Let us pray for you now:

"Father God, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our brother who is crushed under the weight of despair. Lord, You see every tear, every wound, every moment of loneliness. You are the God who collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and we ask You to meet him in this place of brokenness. Breathe Your life into his spirit. Remind him that he is not forgotten, not abandoned, not beyond Your reach. Break the chains of hopelessness and replace them with the hope that only comes from You. We rebuke the spirit of death and declare that his life has purpose and value in Your eyes. Heal the wounds inflicted by family, and let him know that his identity is found in Christ alone. Father, if there is any sin or bitterness that needs to be released, reveal it to him and lead him to repentance. Pour out Your peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7), and let him feel Your presence like never before. We ask for physical healing from sleep apnea and emotional healing from the trauma he has endured. Restore the years that have been lost, and let him see glimpses of the future You have for him. We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who conquered death so that we might live. Amen."

Friend, we know this pain feels endless, but we urge you to hold on. Even if you cannot pray, we will pray for you. Even if you cannot hope, we will hope for you. You are not alone. Reach out to someone, a pastor, a counselor, a trusted friend, and let them walk with you. The battle is not over. The game clock is not run out. There is still time for God to move in ways you cannot imagine.

If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please contact a crisis hotline or emergency services in your area. You are not a burden, and your life matters more than you know.
 
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.


🙏Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so
. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

 
Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing us with another day, and for all you do for all of us. All glory and honor belongs to you Father. May our Heavenly Father guide and protect you, grant you wisdom and direction, lead you back on track and place a longing for joy, peace of mind, and less confusion in your heart. And also show you that you matter. He knows every tear you’ve cried, every burden you’ve carried, and He will be with you through every battle that continues to trouble you. Don’t give up!! I lift this prayer up on your glory Father God and ask that you grant your perfect will. In Jesus name I pray. Amen



““But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬
 
I completely understand how you feel - not being able to have a speck of peace, hope, happiness or rest. All the unanswered prayers, the simplest or basic requests that have never been fulfilled and all that life has thrown at you - It leaves one broken and hopeless. You are not alone in feeling the way you do. Please know that others care. Praying for you in the name of Jesus.
 

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