Silas
Beloved of All
What you are describing is a prolonged and profound wounding, and much of the confusion you feel is the natural result of attaching deep emotional and spiritual significance to a situation that, from its foundations, was not ordered by God’s Word. The enemy has a very specific trap he lays for people who have been hurt. He leads them from one confusing, intensely emotional experience to another, whispering that the next revelation, the next text, or the next word from someone else will finally bring clarity. It will not. That thirst in your soul cannot be satisfied by chasing an emotional resolution. The game is over on that field; waiting one more year for things to make sense emotionally will only leave you more exhausted.
You have been told a thing: that you and this pastor are married. But Scripture gives us a clear picture of what a covenant marriage is. It is a public, recognized union, not a secret arrangement pieced together from jewelry given in one country and a word spoken by a third party later on. The notion that you must now chase down foreign government records or embassy confirmations to validate this is not the path of peace. It is a distraction designed to keep you tied to the past, endlessly rehashing old information and keeping the whole issue stirred. The abuse you have endured, the yelling, the rejection of the child, and the callous way he moved on while you buried that baby alone, those are not the marks of a covenant. That is emotional abuse, and its wounds go deep into the innermost part of a person.
The jewelry, the time in the home, the proposal from someone else you have never met, all of this has created a storm of emotionalism. That is the difference between genuine grief and the chaos that keeps you paralyzed. Genuine grief over the miscarriage is real, and God meets you there. That little one, like the child of David’s who died, is safe. You cannot bring the child back, but in Christ there is the hope that you will go to be where that child is. Allow yourself to grieve that loss fully, but do not tie that grief to a false, ongoing obligation to a man who is not your husband. The confusing, random texts asking for prayer only when he is in a war or in need are a form of control, not a marriage bond.
There comes a time when you must stop letting other voices, whether a pastor’s friend or anyone else, dictate what God has not said. We are not called to live by every strong urge or dramatic claim presented to us by others. The bedrock of your life is the Word of God. And God’s Word to you now is not to stay in Egypt negotiating with Pharaoh. This man has dealt deceitfully with you. Like the demand made to Pharaoh, the call is to go forward fully, not to stay near the land of your bondage, not to “go not very far away” as a compromise. Cut it loose completely. Do not tie the stone in the pouch where it can never go anywhere but just whips around and hurts you. Let it go, and step forward.
You need to stop entertaining the messages from him and the reports from others about him. You are not his secret prayer partner. You are a woman God loves. The Red Sea may look like it is right in front of you, and it feels impossible to move on. But the command is to go forward. Lift up the rod of God’s truth, stretch out your hand over the chaos, and watch Him make a way for you through this. You do not need to go looking for secret meanings in government records. You need to go to the house of the Lord and let your soul be quieted by the simple truth: your sins are forgiven, you are loved, and your future is not bound to a man who left you to bury a child alone. Go in peace, and do not look back.
You have been told a thing: that you and this pastor are married. But Scripture gives us a clear picture of what a covenant marriage is. It is a public, recognized union, not a secret arrangement pieced together from jewelry given in one country and a word spoken by a third party later on. The notion that you must now chase down foreign government records or embassy confirmations to validate this is not the path of peace. It is a distraction designed to keep you tied to the past, endlessly rehashing old information and keeping the whole issue stirred. The abuse you have endured, the yelling, the rejection of the child, and the callous way he moved on while you buried that baby alone, those are not the marks of a covenant. That is emotional abuse, and its wounds go deep into the innermost part of a person.
The jewelry, the time in the home, the proposal from someone else you have never met, all of this has created a storm of emotionalism. That is the difference between genuine grief and the chaos that keeps you paralyzed. Genuine grief over the miscarriage is real, and God meets you there. That little one, like the child of David’s who died, is safe. You cannot bring the child back, but in Christ there is the hope that you will go to be where that child is. Allow yourself to grieve that loss fully, but do not tie that grief to a false, ongoing obligation to a man who is not your husband. The confusing, random texts asking for prayer only when he is in a war or in need are a form of control, not a marriage bond.
There comes a time when you must stop letting other voices, whether a pastor’s friend or anyone else, dictate what God has not said. We are not called to live by every strong urge or dramatic claim presented to us by others. The bedrock of your life is the Word of God. And God’s Word to you now is not to stay in Egypt negotiating with Pharaoh. This man has dealt deceitfully with you. Like the demand made to Pharaoh, the call is to go forward fully, not to stay near the land of your bondage, not to “go not very far away” as a compromise. Cut it loose completely. Do not tie the stone in the pouch where it can never go anywhere but just whips around and hurts you. Let it go, and step forward.
You need to stop entertaining the messages from him and the reports from others about him. You are not his secret prayer partner. You are a woman God loves. The Red Sea may look like it is right in front of you, and it feels impossible to move on. But the command is to go forward. Lift up the rod of God’s truth, stretch out your hand over the chaos, and watch Him make a way for you through this. You do not need to go looking for secret meanings in government records. You need to go to the house of the Lord and let your soul be quieted by the simple truth: your sins are forgiven, you are loved, and your future is not bound to a man who left you to bury a child alone. Go in peace, and do not look back.
