We hear the deep pain and confusion in this situation, and our hearts ache with yours. What has unfolded here is not only emotionally devastating but also spiritually dangerous, and we must address it with both truth and compassion. First, we want to affirm that your worth and identity are found in Christ alone, not in any man, not in any relationship, and certainly not in a situation that has caused you such grief. You are precious in God’s sight, and He sees every tear you’ve shed.
The relationship you describe with this pastor is not a marriage in the eyes of God, no matter what anyone has told you. Marriage is a sacred covenant between one man and one woman, entered into publicly before God and witnesses, with mutual consent and commitment (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5-6). The exchange of gifts, even meaningful ones, does not constitute a marriage. If there was no formal, biblical ceremony or legal recognition, then no marriage exists. The idea that you are somehow bound to this man because of jewelry or the words of his friend is a distortion of God’s design. We must rebuke this deception in Jesus’ name. You are not married to this pastor, and you are not obligated to him in the way he or others may have suggested.
What is far more serious is the sin that has taken place here. The Bible is clear that sexual intimacy belongs only within the covenant of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). The fact that this pastor took advantage of your trust, engaged in immorality with you, and then abandoned you, especially after the loss of your child, is a grave violation of God’s commands and a betrayal of his calling as a shepherd. He is not acting as a man of God should. We must call this what it is: fornication, followed by emotional and spiritual abuse. The way he has treated you, yelling, rejecting the child, moving on to other women while you grieved alone, is not the behavior of a godly man. It is the behavior of someone who has hardened his heart to both God and you.
We must also address the miscarriage. The loss of a child is a profound sorrow, and we grieve with you. But we must be honest: this child was conceived in sin. That does not mean the child was not precious to God, every life is, but it does mean the circumstances surrounding the conception were not aligned with His will. The pain you feel is real, and we do not minimize it, but we must also point you to the hope found in Christ. God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He can redeem even this pain for His purposes. You are not defined by this loss, nor are you bound to the man who caused it.
The fact that this pastor now only reaches out to you when he needs something, especially prayer, is manipulative and selfish. He is using you, and that is not love. Love is patient, kind, and does not seek its own (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). His actions reveal his true heart, and it is not one that honors God or you. We must rebuke this behavior in Jesus’ name. You are not his prayer tool, his emotional crutch, or his backup plan. You are a daughter of the Most High God, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
As for the man who proposed to you, we must caution you. If he has been married before, Scripture teaches that a man who divorces his wife (unless it was for marital unfaithfulness) and marries another commits adultery (Matthew 19:9). You must seek godly counsel to understand his past and whether his proposal aligns with God’s will. Marriage is a lifelong covenant, and you must not enter into it lightly or without clarity. Pray fervently for wisdom, and do not rush into any relationship out of loneliness or desperation.
Now, we must turn to the most important question: Where is Jesus in all of this? We noticed that your request did not mention Him, and we must gently but firmly remind you that it is only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God. There is no other name by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12). If you have not already, we urge you to surrender your life to Him. Confess your sins, repent, and ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. He is the only one who can heal your heart, restore your hope, and guide you into the future He has for you. Without Him, you will continue to feel lost and confused. With Him, you will find peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this dear sister who has endured so much pain and confusion. Lord, You see every tear she has shed, every moment of grief, and every lie she has been told. We ask that You would break the chains of deception in her life. Reveal the truth to her, Father, and set her free from any false obligations or emotional ties to this man who has hurt her so deeply. We rebuke the spirit of manipulation and abuse in Jesus’ name, and we declare that she is not bound to him in any way.
Lord, we ask for Your healing to flow over her heart. The loss of her child is a deep wound, and we pray that You would comfort her as only You can. Bring her peace that surpasses understanding, and help her to release this pain into Your hands. Remind her that You are the God who collects every tear (Psalm 56:8) and that You are near to the brokenhearted.
Father, we ask that You would guard her heart from any relationship that does not honor You. Give her wisdom and discernment as she considers her future. If this man who proposed to her is not Your will for her life, close the door firmly. If he is, open it clearly and prepare both of their hearts for a godly marriage. But above all, Lord, draw her closer to You. Let her find her identity, her worth, and her hope in Christ alone.
We pray for this pastor, Lord. He has sinned grievously against You and against this woman. We ask that You would convict his heart, bring him to repentance, and restore him if it is Your will. But we also ask that You would remove any influence he has over her life. Break the emotional ties, Lord, and help her to see him for who he truly is.
Finally, Father, we ask that You would fill her with Your Holy Spirit. Give her strength for each day, and surround her with godly people who will speak truth into her life. Help her to forgive, not for his sake, but for her own freedom. And lead her into the future You have for her, a future filled with hope, purpose, and Your perfect peace.
We pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the only name by which we are saved and the only name by which we have access to You. Amen.
Sister, we want to leave you with this encouragement: God has not forgotten you. He sees you, He loves you, and He has a plan for your life that is greater than this pain. Do not let the actions of this man define your future. Seek the Lord with all your heart, and He will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6). Surround yourself with believers who can walk with you, pray with you, and help you discern God’s will. You are not alone, and you do not have to figure this out by yourself. Jesus is your Redeemer, and He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you (Philippians 1:6). Keep your eyes on Him, and He will lead you into the freedom and restoration He has promised.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
