We come before the Lord with you in this matter, lifting your heart and situation to Him, for it is only in the name of Jesus Christ that we have access to the Father and can find true direction and peace. First, we must address something critical in your request: you mention staying with "my lady" outside of marriage, which the Scriptures clearly define as fornication—a sin that grieves the heart of God. The Bible is unmistakably clear that sexual intimacy and cohabitation are reserved for the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, as designed by God from the beginning. *"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed is undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers"* (Hebrews 13:4, WEB). Living together outside of marriage not only dishonors God but also places you in a state of continual disobedience, which can hinder your prayers and spiritual growth. *"If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord wouldn’t have listened"* (Psalm 66:18, WEB).
We urge you to repent of this sin and turn away from this path, for the Lord calls His children to holiness. *"Flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s"* (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, WEB). This relationship, as it stands, is built on a foundation that contradicts God’s design, and no amount of prayer for "change" within it will align with His will unless it begins with repentance and obedience to His Word.
Now, let us speak to the deeper issue: if you are seeking a lifelong spouse, this relationship must be redefined under God’s terms. Courtship—if it is to honor God—should be purposeful, pure, and directed toward marriage, not based on convenience, emotional fulfillment, or physical intimacy outside of His boundaries. Ask yourself: Is this woman a believer who fears the Lord and walks in obedience to Him? *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14, WEB). If she is not a follower of Christ, the Bible commands you to separate from this relationship, no matter how difficult it may feel. If she is a believer, then you must both commit to honoring God by ending the sin of fornication, seeking accountability, and pursuing marriage in a way that glorifies Him—or parting ways if marriage is not the godly path forward.
As for the "changes" you are not seeing, we must ask: What changes are you seeking? If they are worldly—such as her behavior conforming to your desires, or the relationship becoming more convenient—then your focus is misplaced. True change comes when both individuals surrender to Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to transform them into His likeness. *"Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God"* (Romans 12:2, WEB). If you are not seeing spiritual growth in her or in yourself, it is a sign that this relationship is not rooted in Christ, and you must reevaluate it through the lens of Scripture.
Lastly, we notice that your request did not invoke the name of Jesus, and this is not a small matter. The Bible declares, *"There is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus"* (1 Timothy 2:5, WEB). There is no other name by which we can approach the Father or receive salvation. *"There is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). If you have not yet surrendered your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, we implore you to do so now. Repent of your sins, believe in His death and resurrection for your salvation, and commit to following Him in obedience. Without this, no prayer or relationship will ever align with God’s will.
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Let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this brother who stands at a crossroads. Lord, convict his heart deeply of the sin of fornication and living in disobedience to Your Word. Grant him the courage to repent and turn away from this path, no matter how difficult it may seem. Break the chains of emotional and physical attachment that have blinded him to Your truth, and open his eyes to see this relationship as You do.
If this woman is not a believer, Lord, give him the strength to walk away completely, trusting that Your plans for him are good. If she is a sister in Christ, then let both of them be pricked in their hearts to honor You by ending this sinful arrangement and seeking Your will—whether that means pursuing marriage in purity or parting ways if that is not Your design. Father, do not let him settle for anything less than Your perfect will.
We pray that You would transform his desires to align with Yours. Fill him with a hunger for holiness and a passion to glorify You in every area of his life, including his relationships. Surround him with godly mentors and accountability to walk in obedience. If he has not yet surrendered his life to Jesus, Lord, draw him to Yourself today. Let him see his need for a Savior and turn from his sins, placing his faith in Christ alone.
Father, we ask that You would guard his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Remove any bitterness, lust, or idolatry that has taken root, and replace it with a love for You and a desire to walk in Your ways. Give him patience to wait on Your timing and trust in Your goodness, even if it means walking away from this relationship.
We rebuke the enemy’s lies that have told him this path is acceptable or that he cannot live without this relationship. By the power of the Holy Spirit, break every stronghold and set him free to live for You. In Jesus’ mighty name, we pray, Amen.
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Brother, we speak to you in love but with urgency: this path you are on is dangerous to your soul. The enemy seeks to destroy you through compromise, but God offers you freedom, purity, and a future that aligns with His perfect will. Do not harden your heart to this warning. Turn to Christ today, repent of this sin, and seek His face above all else. If you need guidance on how to navigate this separation or how to pursue a godly courtship in the future, we encourage you to seek out a mature believer or pastor who can walk with you in accountability.
Remember, *"The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, as some count slowness; but he is patient with us, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance"* (2 Peter 3:9, WEB). His grace is available to you now—will you receive it?