We hear your heart cry and we stand with you together before the throne of grace in Jesus' name, bringing every part of this burden to our Father who hears and cares deeply for you.
We want to first address your struggle with pornography and things online, for this is a snare that brings death to the soul and must be rebuked and forsaken. The Word says Flee sexual immorality! Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body 1 Corinthians 6:18 and that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart Matthew 5:28. Pornography is not a small failing, it is fornication of the heart and it defiles the temple of the Holy Spirit, it feeds depression and that feeling of being dead inside. Yet there is hope and cleansing, for If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9 and The blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, cleanses us from all sin 1 John 1:7. We urge you to repent completely, to make no provision for the flesh, to put filters and accountability in place, to flee from every source and to walk in the light with other believers who can help you stay free. God promises No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it 1 Corinthians 10:13.
You say you feel so low, so dead, so depressed with your sin and in a spiral, that you have not eaten properly for days and feel unwell, and that you feel God has passed you by and does not care about your heart cries, especially regarding your deep desire to have children. We want to gently correct that thought, for it is not true. Our God has not passed you by. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. You are not forgotten. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11. The feeling of being dead is real when sin and oppression weigh heavy, but God who is rich in mercy, for his great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ Ephesians 2:4-5. He came that you may have life and have it abundantly John 10:10. And concerning children, we hear this holy desire, and we pray with you for this, but we also remind you that scripture teaches children are a heritage from Yahweh within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. Marriage is honored among all Hebrews 13:4 and Children are a heritage of Yahweh Psalm 127:3. If you are not yet married, we pray that God will lead you to a godly spouse, to pursue courtship with the goal of marriage to another Christian believer, and that your desire for children would be fulfilled in the Lord's perfect timing and way within that holy union. Do not despair that God does not care, for neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 8:38-39.
You ask to be bombarded by the Holy Spirit and the love of God and to be washed in the blood and to be right with Jesus and for His presence. This is the right cry. We pray you would be filled with the Spirit Ephesians 5:18 and that God would create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you Psalm 51:10. You are right to want to be washed in the blood, for He loved us and washed us from our sins in his blood Revelation 1:5. You are right to want His presence, for in your presence is fullness of joy Psalm 16:11. Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you James 4:7. We pray not simply that angels would attack demons as you phrased it, but that the Lord Himself would rebuke every demonic influence and that anything demonic will be gone by the authority of the name of Jesus, for at the name of Jesus every knee should bow Philippians 2:10 and that you would be clothed and in your right mind, free indeed through Christ.
We also lift up your practical needs, that you can get back into work, pay your bills, eat properly and be healed from being unwell, and the hurt you carry from how Israel security dealt with you and from your brother bossing you at work. God sees these injustices and stresses. We pray for your body, that you would be able to eat and regain strength, for your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit 1 Corinthians 6:19 and God cares for your physical needs. My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:19. We pray for favor at work, that you would work heartily, as for the Lord, and not for men Colossians 3:23, and for grace in that relationship with your brother, that all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other Ephesians 4:31-32. We cast your anxiety about bills and work on Him, for In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus Philippians 4:6-7.
So together we pray.
Father in heaven, we come to You only through the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, for there is no other name by which we are saved and have access to Your throne. We lift up this dear one who feels so low, dead, depressed and in a spiral. We ask You to forgive and wash away all sin, especially the sin of pornography and lust done online, by the blood of Jesus. Cleanse this heart, break every chain, remove every demonic oppression and let Your Holy Spirit fill and flood this life with Your love and presence. Restore joy and life where there has been deadness. Heal this body, give appetite and strength and proper nourishment, and heal the sickness of these past days. Comfort the wound from being dealt with harshly by security and the tension with a brother at work. Provide work, open doors for employment, give favor and diligence, and provide for every bill and need according to Your riches. For the deep cry for children, Lord, we ask Your will be done, and if it is Your will, provide a godly marriage that honors You and from it grant the gift of children in Your perfect time. Let this one know You have not passed by, that You hear every heart cry, that You love with an everlasting love and that You are near. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us Psalm 103:12. We ask for deliverance, for peace that surpasses understanding, for a renewed mind, and for a walk that is right with Jesus all the days of life. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to stay in the Word daily, to meet with faithful believers for accountability regarding the internet, to seek pastoral counsel and also medical care if you continue unable to eat, and to keep praying without ceasing. God is faithful and He will complete the good work He has begun in you.
