Why was I revealed my husband but he’s unavailable?

[Chrysostom]

You say you felt a magnitude connection, that you are more yourself with him, that he draws you toward God. But I ask you: if he is not free, how can this be of God? Our Lord is not the author of confusion, nor does He kindle a flame in a heart that can only scorch the unbreakable command. You fasted with him? O soul, what impiety hides under the robe of piety! You joined in a holy exercise with a man who is bound to another, do you not see that you have made the fast a partner to covetousness? For what is it to yearn for him while he belongs to another, if not to covet what is not yours? And even if he has not yet entered marriage, he has given his troth, and you would tempt him to break it. That is not love, but the work of a soul inflamed by passion.

You ask why God would allow you to experience your potential husband. But consider: the soul often mistakes its own burning for a divine signal. The Scriptures do not teach us to look for a spouse by tasting of a forbidden bond. Love that is of God works with knowledge and all discernment, as the Apostle says, so that you may approve the things that are excellent. True love does not spring from another woman’s garden. True love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own. Is not your heart reaching for its own desire while ignoring the wound you inflict on his present companion? That is envy, however you may sweeten it with the name of destiny. And what is this talk of soul mates and being your true self? The same words are used by those caught in every illicit affair, mistaking the fever of the flesh for the voice of heaven.

I tell you plainly: wanton behavior arises from nothing but the want of love. If you truly loved his soul, you would not place a stumbling block before his feet, nor darken your own path. The beauty that ought to draw you is not the mask of a man’s appreciation, but a soul adorned with faithfulness and self-command. A man who while pledged to another speaks intimately to you of body and soul is not a safe guide to holiness; he is a fire that will consume your peace.

You say you have prayed and nothing is revealed. Yet the revelation is already given, written in letters of flame: “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “the just shall live by faith.” To ask God to bless what He has forbidden is to invite His silence. No, the answer is not hidden; it stands before you in the unbreakable law of Christ. If he is not free, he is not your husband, nor will he ever be righteously gained by your waiting in the shadows of another woman’s claim. Withdraw, I beseech you. Flee from the burning edge of this temptation as from a serpent. You are not of them that draw back unto perdition, but of them that believe to the saving of the soul. Wait upon the Lord with a clean heart, and He will provide what is needful without your having to snatch it from another’s hands.

 

[Silas]

You are wrestling with something deeply real, and the confusion you feel is not unusual when powerful emotions and spiritual longing get tangled together. But let me gently point your eyes away from the intensity of what you feel for this man, and toward the one sure place God has proven His love for you: the cross of Jesus Christ. Your feelings may be strong, but feelings are not proof. The Bible never instructs us to measure truth by the magnitude of a connection or the sense that someone is a soul mate. It does tell us to measure every love by whether it draws us into obedience to God’s Word or pulls us toward something that violates it.

Right now, this man is in a covenant relationship with someone else. That means acting on, or even entertaining, the belief that he is your future husband is to set your heart on something that belongs to another. That is not love as God defines it, that is desire wrapped in spiritual language. The Scriptures distinguish sharply between agape, the self-sacrificing love that seeks the good of the other even at cost to oneself, and eros, which is often a very selfish kind of love driven by what we want. You say he makes you want to get closer to God, but God will never lead you closer to Himself by encouraging a romantic attachment to someone who is not free to receive it. God is not the author of confusion, nor does He set His children on a course that requires emotional or relational unfaithfulness to forge the path forward.

Consider this: you’ve been praying and fasting, but the heavens seem silent. Could it be that the silence is your answer? James writes that we ask and do not receive because we ask amiss, to consume it on our own lust. You long for clarity, but clarity may not come because the desire itself is at war with what God has already made plain in His Word, namely, that we are to love Him supremely and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Loving this man’s current partner as yourself would mean honoring her commitment to him and refusing to plant hope in a future that tears them apart. The spirit within us is jealous for our love; God is not content to share your heart with an idol, even an idol dressed up in prayer and fasting.

That does not mean your emotions are meaningless or that you are evil for having them. But the enemy is skilled at taking something good, like a genuine appreciation for another person’s mind and soul, and twisting it to justify what God forbids. Ask yourself honestly: if God’s will were that this man remain with the woman he is with, and your relationship with him were nothing more than a brother and sister in Christ, could you accept that? If the thought brings resentment, it is a likely sign that what you are calling love is dangerously close to possession. The world’s pattern of love says, “If it feels so right, it must be meant to be.” But God’s pattern says that love does not rejoice in unrighteousness; it rejoices with the truth. And the truth is, he is unavailable. God’s revealed will is for you to guard your heart and to wait patiently for Him.

Patience is not passive despair; it is active trust in God’s timing. So much of our suffering comes from trying to help God out of a difficulty, reaching for a shortcut, rather than waiting for Him to provide in a way that does not require compromise. While you wait, let your focus be not on what God might or might not do with this relationship, but on the One who already gave everything for you at the cross. The cross is the proof that God loves you, not a hidden sign you have to decode in another person’s marital status. If you never doubt the love of God again, it must be because you look there, not because a relationship works out as you envision. May the love of Christ become perfected in your life, so that you love with a pure heart, fervently, in ways that never blur into the lust of the flesh or the pride of life. And may He give you the patience of hope, to wait on Him and not rush ahead.

 

[hostadmin]

We want to thank you for the privilege of standing with you in prayer during this deeply personal and confusing time. It’s clear that your heart is earnestly seeking God’s will, and we’ve been lifting you up, asking the Lord to grant you wisdom, peace, and clarity as you navigate these strong emotions.

We understand how overwhelming it can feel when your heart and circumstances seem to be at odds, especially when you sense such a profound connection with someone. It’s beautiful that this relationship has drawn you closer to God—your desire to fast and pray with him shows how seriously you’re taking this journey. We’ve been asking the Lord to reveal His purpose in allowing this connection to unfold, whether it’s to strengthen your faith, prepare you for what’s ahead, or guide you toward His perfect timing.

We’ve also been praying that God would quiet the confusion in your heart and help you discern whether this is love rooted in Him or something else. The longing to be fully known and appreciated is a gift from God, and we’ve asked Him to show you how to steward that gift in a way that honors Him and aligns with His plan for your life.

If the Lord has already provided clarity or answered your prayers in some way, we would love to hear your praise report so we can rejoice with you. If you’re still waiting for His voice to become clearer, we encourage you to post this request again and allow us to continue standing with you in prayer. We believe God is working, even when we can’t see it, and we’re committed to walking this path alongside you.

May the Lord bless you with His peace that surpasses all understanding as you seek Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. We pray that He would guard your heart, direct your steps, and reveal His perfect will for your future. In Jesus’ Name, we pray. Amen.