When Will It End?!

[Anonymous]

I can't do this anymore. My car's been broken down now for seven months. My bank account is drained. The $2500 credit card I got about 4 months ago is maxed out and I owe them $191 so it's blocked. I can't afford Lyft/Uber rides for 35 mile round trips back and forth for work anymore. < two hundred dollars in my bank account; not enough for next 3 days of work. I have no choice but to call in sick to work for 2 days but I don't have sixteen hours of sick leave which means it will be a hit on my paycheck next week, if I'm still here. Prayers aren't being answered. Sometimes, for whatever reasons, prayers just don't get answered. The best prayer for me right now is for you all (and your AI) to pray that I will finally succumb to my sleep apnea. That will be the best thing because living this way is really just dying - the sooner, the better. The gator didn't get me when I was five...it figures. That gator could have saved me from all this **** from the last six years (and more). What's the point? Is this God's way to punish someone before they die? We're going to get punished again on Judgement Day. I believe in miracles but just because one does it doesn't mean one will get any. Maybe I've used up my "miracle quota". My depression, anxiety, bipolarism, and the PTSD are uncontrollable now. I get panic attacks throughout the day and when I'm at work I have to go into the bathroom to escape for awhile. I don't know why heaven abandons those of us who suffer with aforementioned emotional issues. This feels like one great emotional breakdown that worsens the longer it goes on. There's no pulling out of it. I'm falling apart and calling out in constant prayers throughout the day. Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed. I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP ANOTHER DAY! If God had any mercy left for me then He would at least grant me that so that I don't I don't have to end it all myself. But, I'm not the only one who suffers with these emotional defects that we, who are afflicted, haven't done anything to cause; they were imposed and imprinted upon us. It's all a byproduct of our toxic, hyper dysfunctional and volatile family upbringing. The sad truth is that there's never any cure. How is it decide which child gets punished for their father's (and/or mother's) sins? The Bible says these sins cause damage and penalties for generations. That's like whipping the least favored child just so the favored one doesn't get punished. Even Christians, as we all are humans, can only be pushed around, beaten down and chewed up for so long. I cried out "uncle" years ago! Are we not allowed to say, "Hey, I don't want to play this game anymore!"? It feels like I'm sinking in quick sand with a straight jacket on and cinder blocks strapped on my feet and I'm sunk up to my nostrils. Please Lord, just push me under and get it over with! I miss the days when people called me "The Animal Whisperer", but mostly affectionately called me "The Horse Whisperer". Those days were taken away from me eleven years ago. The things that I enjoyed the most and that fit me the best were rudely taken away from me and each time left me dumbfounded and wondering what the h*** did I do that was so bad. Someone from out of the blue that I used to work with a few years ago texted me tonight saying he hasn't heard from me in a long time and was wondering if I was okay. I don't want to reply because I don't want to have to explain anything. This s*** has been going on and on and on and just won't stop like "the runs". My last 2 days off I spent mostly in bed. I'm too embarrassed to be seen outside. Since I'm currently "living" in a hotel/motel, I placed an envelope on the night stand labeled "In Case of Emergency" for hotel staff or emergency personnel. In it I have just one number listed to call; it's really just a note to call my niece. She's the only family member I can trust. I remember the morning of 911 when the Pentagon got hit as I was working just five miles away - now adays, I think about that day and kind of wish I was on that plane. I'm so distraught and despondent that a death like that seems so fitting for me, especially since the gator failed. I'm dragging on. What's the point?! There's nothing in my power to change things for the better. EVERYTHING I do just backfires and makes EVERYTHING worse. I was just thinking this past weekend that I can't remember the last time I really got to enjoy a holiday celebration as Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter because for 15 years or more, mine were spent alone. I was the one in the family who wrote poetry in my Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter cards and many times I created my own...but, just like the animals and the good and fitting things I used to do, those days were taken away long ago. I used to love Christmas and Thanksgiving but now they just remind me just how alone and isolated I've been cursed to be. Bible says that everyone is loved unconditionally, well, it seems to me that when someone has been cursed to be alone and unloved the majority of their life and by their family, then that's a pretty good indication that one is not loved by heaven, providence, life, the stars, and sadly, even God (for whatever reason). I'm not belittling God or Jesus, but it just seems that for some, Christian or not, there are those who will never be loved or will have love taken away from them. Bottom line, just pray for my apnea to finally take me. Being alive is one thing, but being alive and not being allowed to live, is a death sentence. Being alive doesn't always begat living. I was rendered lifeless within long ago in my childhood before I was even aware of my own autonomy. My mother told me I was a rough breech birth...too bad I physically survived. In a way, the moment I was born was the moment I died.

 

[Hiaren]

I pray for this in Jesus name.Amen

 

[Articles]

We have read your cry and we are carrying it before the Lord with you in Jesus' name. We hear how heavy this has become, seven months without a car, finances strained beyond what you can bear, work that feels impossible to reach, sleep apnea and exhaustion, depression and anxiety and panic that overwhelms you through the day, and a lifetime of wounds from a toxic and volatile upbringing. We hear how alone you feel, even at holidays, and how you are questioning whether heaven has abandoned you and whether your prayers are even heard. We want you to know we have not abandoned you and more importantly God has not abandoned you, even when it feels that way.

We must speak to your request gently and truthfully. You asked us to pray that your sleep apnea would take you and that you would not wake up. We love you too much to pray that prayer. Your life is precious in the sight of God and He alone is the author of life and death. We cannot ask Him to end what He created for purpose and love. What we do pray is that He will sustain your life, lift this crushing despair, and show you that being alive can again become truly living in Him. You said you do not want to wake up another day and you have thoughts of not wanting to live and even wishing you had been on that plane. Please hear us, those thoughts are not from God and they are not His will for you. If you have a plan or means to harm yourself we urge you to reach out right now to someone you trust, your niece whom you mentioned, that coworker who reached out to see if you are okay, a pastor or counselor, or call or text 988 in the United States or your local crisis help line, and if you are in immediate danger please call emergency services. You do not have to carry this alone and you do not have to explain everything perfectly to be worthy of help. That text from your coworker is a small sign that you are seen and remembered, and we encourage you to answer it even with a simple honest reply.

You wondered if prayers are not being answered and if you have used up some miracle quota and if God is punishing you before Judgement Day or because of your parents sins. We want to correct that understanding with what Scripture says. The Lord hears the righteous cry. Psalm 34:17 says The righteous cry, and Yahweh hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Your prayers have been heard. God is not ignoring you, though His answer may not come in the timing or form you expect. Miracles are not a limited quota. God is merciful and His mercies are new every morning, Lamentations 3:22-23. And you are not being punished for your parents sins. While Exodus 20:5 speaks of consequences of sin affecting generations, Ezekiel 18:20 makes clear The soul who sins, he shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father. And Romans 8:1 says There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. The pain you carry from your childhood was imposed upon you, it was not your fault, and God does not whip the least favored child to spare another. He loves you individually, deeply and unconditionally. Romans 5:8 says But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

You said it feels like everyone is loved unconditionally except you, and that being cursed to be alone means you are not loved by God. That is the lie that depression and the enemy want you to believe. Your isolation and family brokenness are not proof that God does not love you. They are proof that this world is broken and that we need a Savior. Jesus Himself was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows, yet He is loved by the Father and He loves you with that same love. Jeremiah 31:3 says Yahweh appeared of old to me, saying, Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love. Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness. Isaiah 41:10 says Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.

You mentioned God and Jesus and we are grateful you did, for it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and hope beyond this pain. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. Acts 4:12 says There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. It is because Jesus bore our sorrows and carried our griefs and died and rose again that we can bring every burden to Him, including financial collapse and trauma and panic attacks and sleepless nights.

We also hear your practical burden. Less than two hundred dollars, a maxed credit card, thirty five mile round trips and calling in sick at risk to your job while living in a hotel. God cares about these details. Philippians 4:19 says My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 says In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. 1 Peter 5:7 says casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you. We encourage you to take small practical steps as you are able, speak honestly with your employer if it is safe to do so about transportation hardship, seek local community resources, churches, and social services that may help with rides or emergency aid for workers, and seek medical care for your sleep apnea and for your mental health. Depression, anxiety, bipolar and PTSD are not defects that make you unlovable or beyond cure, they are real afflictions that need care, counseling, and often medical support, and God can work through doctors and counselors as well as through prayer. Please do not stay isolated in bed for days without reaching out. Even a short walk outside, a call to your niece, or sitting with someone can be a step away from the quicksand feeling you described. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I, Psalm 61:2.

We are praying for you now.

Father in heaven, we lift this dear one to You in the name of Jesus Christ. You see every sleepless night, every panic attack in the bathroom at work, every tear cried alone, every dollar of debt and every mile that feels impossible. We ask You to forgive us where we have believed lies about Your love and we ask You to reveal Your everlasting love in a way that can be felt. Lord, protect this life that You created. Place Your hand upon this sleep apnea and upon body and mind, bring healing and rest and proper treatment. Calm the storm of depression, anxiety, bipolar and PTSD, and lead to godly counsel and medical help that can bring stability. Provide for financial needs in a miraculous but practical way, open doors for transportation and for work provision, and give wisdom for each next step. Comfort the deep wounds from childhood and break the chain of generational pain by the blood of Jesus. Remind this heart that You are near to the brokenhearted and that You have plans for good. Jeremiah 29:11 says For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. Give hope for tomorrow morning, strength just to get out of bed, and a reason to live one more day in Your mercy. We pray that joy in small things, like the gift with animals and horses and poetry that You gave, would not be lost forever but be restored in Your time. In Jesus name we ask for life, for peace that surpasses understanding, and for Your presence to be known today, amen.

We encourage you to keep praying, but pray for life and for help, not for death. Matthew 11:28 says Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. You have labored and been heavily burdened for so long. Come to Jesus with all of it, just as you are, and keep coming every day. We are continuing to pray that you will feel His care, that practical help will come, that you will reach out to your niece and to that friend who checked on you, and that you will see that your life still has purpose in Him. Please do not give up. God has not given up on you.

 

[hostadmin]

If you feel you might act on thoughts of not wanting to wake up, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support from trained people, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and there are people ready to help right now.

We hear how heavy these last months have been for you. Seven months without a car, money stretched so thin you are worried about getting to work, calling in sick and taking a hit on your paycheck, living in a hotel and feeling embarrassed to be seen, missing the work with horses that once gave you joy and identity. When panic comes at work and you have to step away, and when sleep and waking both feel like a struggle, it is understandable you feel worn down and trapped, and that prayers feel unanswered.

You mentioned your niece is the one family member you can trust, and that you left her number for the hotel staff. We gently encourage you to let her know how low you are feeling right now, not to explain everything at once but to let someone who cares stay close. Because you mentioned depression, anxiety, panic attacks, bipolar, PTSD and sleep apnea, along with thoughts of wanting to die, we also encourage you to reach out soon to a doctor or mental health professional alongside prayer, so you have ongoing support for both your physical and emotional health. If you can, letting a trusted person at work know you are facing a transportation and health crisis may also open a little room for understanding about the next few days.

Father, we lift our friend to You in Jesus' name. You see his exhaustion, his financial pressure, and how alone he feels. Please keep him safe tonight, surround him with caring help, give wisdom for the next steps with work and health, and remind him he is not forgotten by You. Bring steady support through his niece and through professionals who can walk with him. Amen.

 

[Violetblue]

As one who truly understands you, the frustration and despair of suffering day after day, night after night, where there seems to be no end to the pain and struggle. I understand what it’s like to wonder what is the point of being here if I’m going to suffer continually. I am still praying for you that God will be merciful and bring about a positive change in your life, in the name of Jesus.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[EnricoLange]

Lord Jesus please richly bless, protect, heal and guide them. Please help them in accordance with your perfect will Father. Thank you and praise you. In your holy name I pray. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your cry comes before us with great weight and sorrow, and it has been heard with deep care and prayer. You have laid bare a heavy burden of financial strain, loneliness, sleepless nights, panic, and a weariness that makes each morning feel like a judgment. To feel sunk up to the nostrils in quicksand, unable to move, is a terrible place to be, and the Lord knows the place where you are.

Hear first this truth, for it is the ground of all hope. We are either enemies of God by nature, or we are reconciled to God by the death of His Son. There is no middle ground, and the great wonder of the gospel is that the first overtures for peace are not made by man the offender, but by our aggrieved and offended God. All things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ. Reconciliation is never achieved by man, but is the work of God from first to last, and to God must be all the glory. The ambassador is sent not from man to God, but from God to man, beseeching you, we pray you in Christ's stead, be reconciled to God.

You write that prayers are not being answered and that heaven has abandoned those who suffer as you do. That feeling is real and painful, yet feeling forsaken is not the same as being forsaken. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself cried, My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me. He was sinless and trustful and yet He knew that overpowering sense of absence, that drifting into the nowhere behind the back of God. He bore that forsaking so that you would never have to be truly forsaken. By His being placed under forsaking and death, it was shown that God cannot have fellowship with sin, and yet by that same sacrifice He has put away sin forever and now lives to save unto the uttermost them that come unto God by Him. His priesthood is confirmed by the oath of God for the strengthening of our faith, because we are so prone to doubt. By two immutable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, He has given strong consolation to those who flee for refuge.

You ask God to let your sleep apnea take you, and you say that not waking up would be mercy. We cannot pray for that, for life is the gift of God and He alone numbers our days. To ask for death is to ask for what God in mercy withholds, that you might yet live and find Him to be your refuge. What we do pray, and will continue to pray, is that God will keep you this night and every night, that He will lift you from this pit, that He will give you breath and strength for tomorrow, and that He will show you that being alive in Christ is more than merely existing. We pray that He will not let you be left to the despair that whispers that ending your life is the answer. It is not. If that thought presses hard upon you, we urge you in the strongest love to reach out at once to one you trust, to your niece whose number you have kept close, to a faithful pastor, to a counselor, or to go to those near you for help. In the United States you can call or text 988 at any hour to speak with someone who will listen and stay with you. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency help or go to the nearest emergency place and let someone stay with you. Do not remain alone with these thoughts.

You speak also of anxiety that tosses you up and down, of panic that drives you to hide, of depression and memories that will not loosen their hold. The Word says, Children of God, be not anxious. Be not tossed up and down by outward circumstances. Anxiety has never comforted any person, nor brought any grist to the mill or meal to the barrel. If a thing does not pay, what is the good of it. You are told to do the right thing and then be no longer anxious about it, but leave the result with God. This does not mean your afflictions are small. It means God invites you to cry unto God most high, unto God that performs all things for you. Honest dealing with God is what He desires. He desires truth in the inward parts and will not parley with dishonest pretence. When a sinner feels he has no fitness for receiving grace, when a broken spirit cries, Oh, what a wretch I am, that is the very place where God meets the soul. You need not have a right heart in yourself before you come. You come as you are, confessing your need, and God talks with the lowly. As it is written, Abram fell on his face, and God talked with him. Genuine consecration begins with communion with God.

You wonder if you are punished for your father's or mother's sins, and if some are cursed to be unloved. The Scriptures teach that while sin brings sorrow down through families, God does not condemn you for another's sin as if you were whipped for a favored child's fault. Each soul stands before God, and in Christ the curse is borne by Him. The Lord Himself was slandered by the serpent, so it is not strange that His children should feel slandered and cast off. Yet the Lord says, Come unto Me. He uses the feeble things to confound the strong, and the mouths of the weak to show forth His praise. Your weakness does not disqualify you from His mercy. It is the very reason to cast your soul upon that real priesthood which is confirmed by oath.

You mention the name you once carried, the one who understood horses and animals, the poet who made cards for holidays now spent alone, the man who worked near the Pentagon and now feels invisible in a motel room. Those gifts and that tender heart are not forgotten by God. The loss of them is a real grief, and it is right to mourn it. But do not believe the lie that you are beyond love because you have been left alone. The Bible says you are loved, not because you have earned it or because family has given it perfectly, but because God so loved the world that He gave His Son. That love is not measured by a bank balance, a working car, or a holiday table full of people.

For the pressing needs of these days, please take these steps as you are able. Tell your niece and a pastor or trusted person plainly how you are, including the thoughts of not wanting to wake up and the envelope you have prepared. Let them come near. Do not turn away the coworker who reached out. A simple reply that you are going through a hard season and need prayer is enough for now. For work and money, speak honestly with your employer or a help agency or church deacon about your transport and pay, and seek local counsel for financial and medical help for the apnea and the panic you endure. You ought to be prayerfully dependent upon God, as one who knows that if left by grace we would go back unto perdition, and that dependence is not shameful. It is the posture of a child who looks to his Father.

We will pray for you, not that you would be taken, but that you would be kept and restored. We pray that God will give you sleep that refreshes and waking that is not dreaded, that He will provide for your daily bread and your way to work, that He will quiet the panic and give you wise and kind helpers for mind and body, that He will draw you into closer walk with Him where things that are wrong within are made right by fellowship with Him, and that you will know the strong consolation of Christ who intercedes for you even now.

You are not forgotten. Jesus of Nazareth passes by still, and this hour, though it feels like an hour of crisis, may yet be an hour of hope if you will stir yourself to cry to Him. He hears the honest cry. Fall on your face before Him and let Him talk with you, and hear Him beseech you to be reconciled. There is mercy with Him, and plenteous redemption.