mwangi18
Disciple of Prayer
My name is Johnny Gachago and I need help. Last week and two weeks ago. I gave my life to Christ, but this week I'm sinning all over again over things that I repented and asked for forgiveness before. This week me and my dad got in an argument over school related things, which resulted in us yelling at eachother and me using foul language. I was so angry and guilty at the same time. After this thing went downhill bad. I started was money on alcohol, I would not do any work and sleep in bed, I started to look at porn graphic images and videos, I also have a problem with stealing from my family. In the past, I've had no friends for a long time, I've been bullied for the way I looked and beat up and I Have never been in a relationship with a female. As a result, this made me have really low self esteem to the point I couldn't make eye contact with anyone, my grades dropped and my relationship with my dad was very poor, I suffered from depression and had suicidal thoughts. I used to wonder, why am I not normal and why was I chosen to be the few to live an unhappy life. Now, I'm struggling to pay bills, I have stolen from my family, I drink alot, unemployed, struggle with laziness, I have a problem with my school grades, I have lied countless times, and have constant sexual thoughts. I keep repenting and asking for forgiveness of these things, but I keep going back to doing it and I'm getting sick and tired of it. I feel like the more I sin, the less God cared of me or wants to use me less. This thinking and my acts are really scaring me and I don't want it to be too late. I'm tired and stressed out with the way I'm acting. I know my acts and thinking are wrong, but I get so tempted, that In the end, that's when I only realize that I'm doing wrong. Im not a bad person, I usually keep to myself, but I keep making foolish decisions that are hurting me. I want to get out of this cycle and move on and do great things on this earth. I don't want my behavior to get me locked up. Please help me, I'm only 21 years old and I'm struggling bad and please help me find the motivation to talk to God everyday. I really need your help, I never thought I would've been in this situation 10 years ago. I really need prayer. My name is Johnny Gachago Jr.