I hear the cry of your heart, and I would point you to the mercy-seat with words of both encouragement and searching. You ask God to send the means to clear a debt, and you pray to be freed from its constant weight upon your mind. This is no small thing, and prayer is the appointed way to cast your burden upon the Lord. But let us learn from the holy art of pleading as Jacob did. He came before the Lord with his fears, yet his prayer was not a mere cry of distress; it was filled with arguments drawn from God’s own word. Have you a promise to set before the throne? The Lord has said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Can you take that word and say, “Lord, remember this word unto thy servant”? Let your prayer be a rehearsing of His faithful promises, for that is the sort of prayer which moves the arm of Omnipotence. And mark this: when you plead the promises, you must come with lowliness of soul, as Jacob did, confessing your own unworthiness, yet clinging to the covenant. For too often our prayers are straitened because we are unholy or self-reliant. Search your heart, then, and see if there be any secret sin that might cause the Lord to withhold the blessing, for prayer hindered by iniquity is like a bird with a broken wing.
Yet even in your humility, take heed that you do not pray as Peter did, crying, “Depart from me,” out of a sense of sinfulness alone. The right spirit of the penitent is to say, “I am a sinful man,” and then to plead, “Come nearer to me, O Lord.” Faith must uphold humility, or it will sink into despair. You speak of the desire to be married and to be blessed with a child. These are natural yearnings, but are they brought into subjection to the will of God? Beware lest you set up your own fancy as the rule of prayer. Get the promise, and then offer the prayer. Has the Lord given you a clear word that this year shall bring a husband and a child? If not, then let your request be tempered with resignation: “Not my will, but Thine, be done.” So much of our unseasonable prayer comes from a heart that will not wait, and would command the Almighty rather than submit to His timing. The Lord heard Jacob, but He met the patriarch in a way that lamed his natural strength. The answer came, yet not as Jacob had expected, better, fuller, more sanctifying. Will you not trust Him to answer in His own way?
I charge you, do not restrain prayer before God. It is a grievous fault when we cease to cry day and night, or when our prayers grow formal and cold. Yet remember also that there is a time to rise from the knees and go forward in the strength of faith. The children of Israel were told, “Speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.” Prayer must be paired with action according to God’s revealed will. And as for the mental anguish that circles your thoughts, let me counsel you to turn that very anxiety into the fuel for intercession. Why not pray for others who bear even heavier burdens? Job’s captivity was turned when he prayed for his friends. Intercessory prayer is the sweetest God ever hears, because in it we forget ourselves and become like our blessed Master, who lives to make intercession. Lift up the needs of your brethren, the salvation of souls, the peace of Jerusalem, and you will find your own cares strangely lightened.
Finally, let all your asking be bathed in the sense that prayer itself is a living, inwrought reality, not a mere sacred masquerade. The Holy Spirit must quicken you in every approach to the throne. Plead for that quickening first, that you may pray aright. And if the answer tarries, say with David, “My prayer shall be in their calamities”, and in your own. Persevere, for mighty prayer will yet prevail if it has but time. Go now, search the Scriptures for a promise suited to each need, and lay it before the God who cannot forget. He will bring it to pass in the season He has appointed, and the peace which follows will be your portion.