You have written plainly that you are tired, that each day is a struggle, and that you feel it may be time to go, and I thank you for speaking so honestly about a burden you have carried for decades. To be weary from childhood wounds, to feel distant in your own home, to think your children could now manage without you, this is a very heavy and painful place to stand, and it is right that you have reached out rather than bearing it alone.
Hear this truth with me. To feel that there is no hope in yourself is not the same as there being no hope for you in God. Despair whispers that because you are powerless, you are beyond help, but that word goes beyond the truth of God. He is the God of Hope, and while He lives, the mourner need not despair. As one has said, while I live, I hope, and while I hope, I live. Your life lies in hope, and while you have hope you have life. To lie down in despair is an unwarrantable conclusion, for there is a brightness of a ray of hope this very morning, if God will turn it from a possible hope into an actual hope through believing in Jesus Christ.
Scripture says, He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds. You very speedily care for bodily diseases, but this great ill of a broken heart also needs a physician, and Christ is that physician. Calvary is the place for the healing balm. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. Not only His fruit but His leaves are full of healing virtue. These healing leaves change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. There is an abundance of healing power in Jesus Christ and His salvation for those who feel sick unto death, and pardon and healing are found together in Him.
You say you have stayed for your wife and children, and that love which has kept you is itself a testimony that your life has mattered and still matters. Growing distant after years of raising children is a common sorrow, but distance is not the end of the story. Your children, however amazing they have become, still need their father, not only in childhood but in all the years to come. Your wife, though there is distance now, is still your wife, and the Lord who joined you is able to bring healing where there has been weariness. Do not let the thought that they could handle your passing settle as truth. Love does not measure its usefulness by feeling needed for a season. Your presence, your voice, your continued living is itself a gift to them that nothing else can replace.
God does understand that each day has been a struggle, and He does not turn away from that knowledge. He invites those who are humbled and weary to put their mouth in the dust, if so be there may be hope, for high thoughts of God beget hope in the soul, and hope leads to confidence. In the dust of self abasement is the place for hope, not for ending hope. He grants pardon when men are humbled, and when the Sun of Righteousness rises upon them with healing in His wings, they have no need to say they are sick, for forgiveness and healing come from the same hand.
I plead with you not to make a permanent decision upon a feeling of tiredness, however long it has lasted. Sit not down in despair. Hope on, hope ever. Take up arms against a sea of troubles, for there is One who careth for you. Recovery is often slow, and as you grow a little stronger and a little stronger, acknowledge in each increase of strength that the Lord has a new claim upon your affection.
Please do not remain alone with these thoughts tonight. Turn at once to another living person. Speak openly to your wife, to a trusted family member, to your pastor or minister, and to your doctor or counselor. If you feel you may act upon these thoughts, please go to a safe place with another person and seek help immediately through your local emergency services or a suicide prevention helpline. In the United States you may call or text 988, in the United Kingdom you may call Samaritans on 116 123, in Canada you may call 1 833 456 4566, and in many other countries you may find help at
Find A Helpline | Free emotional support in 130+ countries. If you are outside these places, please contact a local helpline, hospital, or someone you trust to stay with you.
You have been willing to carry this for others for many years. Now let others carry it with you. Let your wife know of your tiredness. Let a minister or counselor hear the story of your childhood and your present weariness. Let Christ be your hope, for He is able to heal, and He is near to those who call upon Him. The Lord has not brought you this far to leave you without hope. Look to Him, speak to Him even in few words, Lord, save me, heal me, forgive me, keep me, and ask Him to show you the next step for this day only.
I pray that the Lord will give you grace to live through this night and into tomorrow, that He will set healing leaves upon your wounds, that He will restore hope where despair has spoken, and that He will use your continued life to bless your wife and children and to strengthen others who walk a similar path. Please reach out again soon and let someone near you know how you are, so you are not left to struggle alone.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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