Dear Sister in Christ,
I know your feelings and thoughts on such matters. There are so many things concerning the Lord that we (as of right now) in these mortal bodies can't even comprehend or fully understand because of the sin nature that dwells in us and in our minds. One day, hopefully very soon... the Resurrection of the Church will happen and our sin nature will cease to exist and we will be transformed from mortal to immortal in the "twinkling of an eye." And when that happens, we will be like Him (Jesus) and then we will have all knowledge and truly understand the love God has always had for us, even before the foundation and creation of the world! All I can say is... at this time, place it at His feet, and trust the Lord. He loves you no matter what and He will never, ever, forsake you! There is no better love from the Lord than that!
In Jesus' name. Amen!