Tired Of Feeling Unwanted

Today I went to a singles group to try and meet some new people and make some new friends. Maybe even meet that special women. But instead I got shut out. No one sat next to me, so I tried sitting next to a girl I that I thought might be a nice person. You cannot tell who's nice and is not nice anymore. I sat next to her and it was like I was a ghost, I tried to say hi but of course she ignored my existence. I was hoping maybe I could meet an older women, someone who would understand. No such luck. I'm running out of options as far as singles groups so I don't know what eles to do. guess I just don't fit in. I'm tired of being single. I want to know what it's like to have that person who exepts me for all my flaws. Insted I have to keep fixing things in hopes that someone will notice. I'm just a sad little man. I have misplaced goals, and I've got everything wrong with me that turns women off. I hate my life. I'll never make it though at this rate. I can't keep going knowing that no matter what I do it won't make me a better person in the eyes of others. Why do I burn with such anxiety? Why do I feel this need to connect with someone? Why can't God fill it, why does he keep me waiting so long? I need a special Christian girl to come into my life. If I go another day without it, I'll go nuts. I can't handle the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel so crazy because I would literally do anything to have a special relationship, if it means giving up my virginity to do so. Thats how bad I want it. When things go well between me and a girl I feel alive. I feel like I've really connected with someone, but I want it to last for a lot longer. Those feelings of intimacy make me feel like so happy, and so alive. But then their Gone just like that, because she has a boyfriend and does not want to date me. I can't even get to be close friends with a women. I'm not looking for sex, but I do want someone that wants to be with me. AM I that unatractive? It's like i can never be exciting enough. I'm just that boring I guess. I,m so tired of tring to better myself, and never being content with myself because I feel like I have to be somthing more that what I am. I need more money, I need a better career goal, I need a house, I need to be finacially independent, self controled, mature, the list goes on and on. Those are all things that I can never seem to achieve no matter how small or short term the goals are. I give up. I can't keep doing this. It's tearing me apart. I just want to be happy with me, but how can I be when no girl accept me for me. I've tried to accept myself but thats oviously not enough, because this day and age love is not enough for anyone, they need love, along with money, and a house, and food, for get it if your a guy like me who can't seem to get out of finanical dependencey no matter how har he tries, I'm just a loser to them. I'm boring cause I don't have a nice car, a large salory, or even a good career in mind. If I try to be okay with myself i get laghfed at. I ussually get a, "thats it, all you do is go to collage, and work, and church." "I hang out with my friend and go bowling everynow and then." "oh, well thats cool." I can't go social dancing for more that half an hour because once the girls find out I'm not that good at dancing they don't want to be around me anymore. I'm so tired of not being good at things that women like to do with guys. I'm tired of being a loser. I'm tired of not having the drive to better myself because no matter how good I make myself, it's never gonna be enough. I hate this world. I hate my life, I wish God would just take me home. I'm miserable. Why do I even try? It's not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. I'll always just be this pathetic wimp. If I'm so fearflly and wonderfully made, then why do women run the other way when they see me? Why do can't I do anything worth while. Why can't I keep focused and do what I'm suppost to when I'm supost to do it. I'm this close to quiting school because I procrastinate too much. I cannot focus. Because my minds always on what am I doing wrong, why does no one like me, why can't I make friend s and feel accepted. Feeling like a big reject all the time drains me, and all it makes me want to do is sleep. Thus I can't focus on my work, and when I'm awake I'm too busy tring to excape my miserable life by any means nessiasry. All being this depressed makes me want to do is be someone who does not have autism, who does know what he wants to do, and has the ability to focus on what needs to get done to get their. Instead I have myself, a sorry excuse for a man, and a is to worried about everything to focus on what's important. I'm sure there's a special place in hell for usless curr like me. I can hear it now. "Away from me, I never knew you." I'm not worthy to be called a child of God. I'm not worthy for anything, I'm just a deadweight. I accepted Christ as my savior, but I feel so useless. AM I really saved? I thoguht I was, but now I don't know. Maybe it's just the devil attacing me. I don't know. This storm could not have hit at a worse time. It's destroying me. I don't know what to do.