Tired Of Feeling Unwanted

Today I went to a singles group to try and meet some new people and make some new friends. Maybe even meet that special woman. But instead I got shut out. No one sat next to me, so I tried sitting next to a girl I thought might be a nice person. You cannot tell who's nice and is not nice anymore. I sat next to her and it was like I was a ghost. I tried to say hi but of course she ignored my existence. I was hoping maybe I could meet an older woman, someone who would understand. No such luck. I'm running out of options as far as singles groups, so I don't know what else to do. Guess I just don't fit in. I'm tired of being single. I want to know what it's like to have that person who accepts me for all my flaws. Instead, I have to keep fixing things in hopes that someone will notice. I'm just a sad little man. I have misplaced goals, and I've got everything wrong with me that turns women off. I hate my life. I'll never make it through at this rate. I can't keep going knowing that no matter what I do it won't make me a better person in the eyes of others. Why do I burn with such anxiety? Why do I feel this need to connect with someone? Why can't God fill it, why does he keep me waiting so long? I need a special Christian girl to come into my life. If I go another day without it, I'll go nuts. I can't handle the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel so crazy because I would literally do anything to have a special relationship, if it means giving up my virginity to do so. That's how bad I want it. When things go well between me and a girl I feel alive. I feel like I've really connected with someone, but I want it to last for a lot longer. Those feelings of intimacy make me feel so happy, and so alive. But then they're gone just like that, because she has a boyfriend and does not want to date me. I can't even get to be close friends with a woman. I'm not looking for sex, but I do want someone that wants to be with me. AM I that unattractive? It's like I can never be exciting enough. I'm just that boring, I guess. I'm so tired of trying to better myself, and never being content with myself because I feel like I have to be something more than what I am. I need more money, I need a better career goal, I need a house, I need to be financially independent, self-controlled, mature, the list goes on and on. Those are all things that I can never seem to achieve no matter how small or short term the goals are. I give up. I can't keep doing this. It's tearing me apart. I just want to be happy with me, but how can I be when no girl accepts me for me. I've tried to accept myself but that's obviously not enough, because this day and age love is not enough for anyone, they need love, along with money, and a house, and food, forget it if you're a guy like me who can't seem to get out of financial dependence no matter how hard he tries. I'm just a loser to them. I'm boring because I don't have a nice car, a large salary, or even a good career in mind. If I try to be okay with myself I get laughed at. I usually get a, "that's it, all you do is go to college, and work, and church." "I hang out with my friend and go bowling every now and then." "oh, well that's cool." I can't go social dancing for more than half an hour because once the girls find out I'm not that good at dancing they don't want to be around me anymore. I'm so tired of not being good at things that women like to do with guys. I'm tired of being a loser. I'm tired of not having the drive to better myself because no matter how good I make myself, it's never going to be enough. I hate this world. I hate my life, I wish God would just take me home. I'm miserable. Why do I even try? It's not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. I'll always just be this pathetic wimp. If I'm so fearfully and wonderfully made, then why do women run the other way when they see me? Why can't I do anything worthwhile. Why can't I keep focused and do what I'm supposed to when I'm supposed to do it. I'm this close to quitting school because I procrastinate too much. I cannot focus. Because my mind's always on what am I doing wrong, why does no one like me, why can't I make friends and feel accepted. Feeling like a big reject all the time drains me, and all it makes me want to do is sleep. Thus I can't focus on my work, and when I'm awake I'm too busy trying to escape my miserable life by any means necessary. All being this depressed makes me want to do is be someone who does not have autism, who does know what he wants to do, and has the ability to focus on what needs to get done to get there. Instead I have myself, a sorry excuse for a man, and am too worried about everything to focus on what's important. I'm sure there's a special place in hell for useless creatures like me. I can hear it now. "Away from me, I never knew you." I'm not worthy to be called a child of God. I'm not worthy for anything, I'm just a deadweight. I accepted Christ as my savior, but I feel so useless. AM I really saved? I thought I was, but now I don't know. Maybe it's just the devil attacking me. I don't know. This storm could not have hit at a worse time. It's destroying me. I don't know what to do.