hedgehoggie
Prayer Partner
This is a night whe everything seems so dark and broken.
I just don't know what to do. I take medication to feel a little calm. My brain is feeling like vacuüm. It absorbs so many broken dreams. I feel so weak. I am looking for relief. Practising medidation. But I don't know if it is good for me. Maybe it puls me away from God, because in the eastern traditions there is no place for God. Yes a lot of practical mindfullness. So I am trying to understand my ego. But is this a good combination. I feel restless. I miss the save haven. I feel cut of from the world. Is all the suffering just because of our own desire. Am I a bad person for trying out these eastern/Buddhist habits I don't know. Only praying is not giving answers. A soul in pain, looking for direction. I just think that I am so useless. Because I am afraid between these two directions. Please don't judge. I just can't believe that there is a satan in traditional perspective, who has power to destroy me. I just want some relief.
I just don't know what to do. I take medication to feel a little calm. My brain is feeling like vacuüm. It absorbs so many broken dreams. I feel so weak. I am looking for relief. Practising medidation. But I don't know if it is good for me. Maybe it puls me away from God, because in the eastern traditions there is no place for God. Yes a lot of practical mindfullness. So I am trying to understand my ego. But is this a good combination. I feel restless. I miss the save haven. I feel cut of from the world. Is all the suffering just because of our own desire. Am I a bad person for trying out these eastern/Buddhist habits I don't know. Only praying is not giving answers. A soul in pain, looking for direction. I just think that I am so useless. Because I am afraid between these two directions. Please don't judge. I just can't believe that there is a satan in traditional perspective, who has power to destroy me. I just want some relief.