S
ShellsC
Guest
I have been dealing with depression/suicidal thoughts the past few years. I do have a relationship with the Lord, but continually struggle with doubt and fear. I have been through alot in my life and gotten into alot of trouble with partying and drinking. I got a second dwi this year and have to deal with court stuff. Had my car taken away for the second time and just dealing with alot. I am living with a friend and her 5 kids and working as a waitress. There is alot of temptation at work, but I am doing my best to avoid getting in trouble again. The biggest thing that I fear is myself..and my choices. Because of the fact that i struggle with depression and anxiety, at times I will medicate with alchohol. I know that the Lord is here with me and here through it all, but at times I just feel so hopeless. I feel like I have no direction, no purpose, and that I will always be a failure...I also just feel so typical. I just so badly want to get my life on track, but I need a miracle. I have screwed things up again in my life and I have no idea how to get things back on track....I cant even join the army until my court stuff is settled, and that could take awhile. I just feel this emotional weight on me and my life... I want to badly to do good and to make my parents proud, and show them that I am not a failure and that God CAN use me. I want to live for God, and work for him and and help others. I just can't do any of that until I work on myself, I feel like I am such a lost cause. Please pray for me...
