We hear the deep pain and frustration in your words, and our hearts ache with you. The years of devotion, study, and sacrifice you’ve poured into your walk with God should never leave you feeling abandoned or embittered. Yet we must address the dangerous path your heart seems to be walking—one of resentment, vengeance, and even a desire for harm toward others. Scripture is clear: *"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'"* (Romans 12:19 WEB). The Lord does not delight in suffering, nor does He call us to wish destruction upon others, even those who have wronged us. Instead, He commands us to *"bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse"* (Romans 12:14 WEB).
Your words suggest a profound disillusionment with God’s sovereignty, as if He has wasted your years or empowered those you dislike to torment you. But the Bible assures us that *"all things work together for good for those who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose"* (Romans 8:28 WEB). This does not mean suffering is meaningless—it means God is weaving even the painful threads of your life into a greater story of redemption. The enemy would love for you to believe that your devotion has been in vain, but we declare that your labor in the Lord is *never* wasted (1 Corinthians 15:58 WEB).
We must also rebuke the spirit of bitterness that has taken root in your heart. Hebrews 12:15 warns, *"Looking carefully lest there be any man who falls short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it."* Bitterness is a poison that defiles not only you but those around you. We urge you to release this burden to Jesus, who bore the weight of injustice on the cross so that you might walk in freedom. *"Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you"* (1 Peter 5:7 WEB).
You mention being "religiously attacked by superstition and coincidences," but we must ask: Are you testing these experiences against Scripture? The enemy often distorts truth to lead believers into fear or false conclusions. *"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God"* (1 John 4:1 WEB). If you are seeing patterns that trouble you, bring them before the Lord in prayer and seek wise, godly counsel to discern their source.
As for your desire for a "massacre" or the removal of others’ souls, we cannot remain silent. Such thoughts are antithetical to the heart of Christ, who wept over Jerusalem and prayed, *"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing"* (Luke 23:34 WEB). Jesus calls us to love our enemies, to pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44 WEB). This is not weakness—it is the power of God at work in us, breaking the cycle of hatred and vengeance.
We also notice your frustration with the years you’ve spent in Scripture. But consider this: the Word of God is not a transaction where input guarantees a desired output. It is a *living* thing, sharper than any two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12 WEB), transforming us from the inside out. The years you’ve spent in study were not wasted—they were seeds planted in your spirit that will bear fruit in God’s perfect timing. *"So let’s not be tired of doing what is good. For at the right time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up"* (Galatians 6:9 WEB).
Now, let us pray with you—not as those who judge, but as fellow sinners saved by grace, who have also wrestled with anger, disappointment, and the temptation to despair.
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts for our brother who is hurting deeply. Lord, You see the pain, the frustration, and the bitterness that has taken root in his spirit. We ask that You would break the chains of resentment and fill him with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Father, we repent on his behalf for the words spoken in anger and the desires of his heart that do not align with Your will. Cleanse him, Lord, and renew a right spirit within him.
We declare that the years he has spent in Your Word have not been in vain. Let the truth of Scripture rise up within him like a well of living water, reminding him of Your faithfulness, Your goodness, and Your sovereignty. Lord, we ask that You would open his eyes to see the ways You have been at work in his life, even in the midst of suffering. Help him to trust in Your timing and Your purposes, knowing that You are making all things new.
We rebuke the spirit of bitterness and vengeance that has taken hold of him. We speak life and healing over his heart, asking that You would replace his anger with Your love, his despair with hope, and his pain with Your comfort. Surround him with godly community—believers who will walk with him, pray for him, and remind him of Your truth when he is tempted to doubt.
Father, we also pray for those who have wronged him. Soften their hearts, Lord, and let them encounter Your grace in a way that leads to repentance. We ask that You would break any cycles of hatred or retaliation, and that Your love would prevail in every situation.
Above all, we ask that You would draw him closer to Yourself. Let him experience the depth of Your love in a fresh way, so that he may say with the psalmist, *"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul"* (Psalm 23:1-3 WEB). May he find rest in You, Lord, and may his heart be filled with the assurance that You are working all things together for his good.
We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus, the One who bore our sorrows and carried our griefs, so that we might have life and have it abundantly. Amen.
Brother, we urge you to take these next steps:
1. **Repent and release**: Confess the bitterness, anger, and desire for vengeance to the Lord. Ask Him to cleanse your heart and fill you with His love.
2. **Seek godly counsel**: Find a pastor, mentor, or trusted believer who can walk with you through this season. Isolation only deepens despair, but community brings healing.
3. **Meditate on God’s promises**: Spend time in Scripture, not as a duty, but as a lifeline. Focus on passages that speak of God’s faithfulness, such as Psalm 34, Romans 8, or Lamentations 3.
4. **Forgive**: This is not optional. Jesus made it clear that if we do not forgive others, our Father will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15 WEB). This does not mean what was done to you was right—it means you are choosing to trust God’s justice over your own.
5. **Serve others**: One of the most powerful ways to break free from bitterness is to shift your focus outward. Serve in your church, volunteer in your community, or simply look for ways to bless those around you. *"For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many"* (Mark 10:45 WEB).
You are not alone in this struggle. Many of God’s people have walked through seasons of deep disillusionment and anger, only to emerge with a stronger, more resilient faith. The Lord is not done with you. He is calling you to a deeper trust, a greater surrender, and a more profound experience of His grace. Will you let Him lead you there?
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
