We come before the Lord with heavy hearts, hearing the deep anguish and despair in your words. Beloved, we must first address the dangerous and false thoughts you are harboring, for they do not align with the truth of God’s Word. Suicide is not the answer—it is a lie from the enemy, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Your life is precious to God, and He has a purpose for you, even in this season of suffering.
You speak of feeling that God will not provide restitution, but Scripture declares that our God is a God of justice, restoration, and hope. Jeremiah 29:11 says, *"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you hope and a future."* Your pain is real, and your losses are deep, but God sees you, and He is not done writing your story. He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
You also mention a desire for others to turn away from faith because of your suffering, but this is a dangerous and deceptive thought. The enemy wants to use your pain to discourage others, but God can use your testimony to bring hope to those who are lost. Instead of wishing others would abandon their faith, we urge you to cling to Christ, who is the only source of true peace and eternal life. Romans 8:18 reminds us, *"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed toward us."*
As for your fast, fasting is a spiritual discipline meant to draw us closer to God, not to harm ourselves or seek death. Jesus Himself fasted for forty days in the wilderness, but He did so in dependence on the Father, not in despair (Matthew 4:1-11). If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, we strongly urge you to seek immediate help from trusted believers, a pastor, or a counselor. You are not alone in this battle.
We also must address your words about God not providing "excess." Our God is not stingy—He is the giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). He does not withhold good things from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11). Your perspective has been darkened by pain, but we pray that the Holy Spirit will renew your mind and help you see God’s goodness again.
Finally, we must correct the idea that conversion to Christ has "wasted" your life. In truth, apart from Christ, there is no life at all—only eternal separation from God. Jesus said, *"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"* (John 14:6). Your salvation is the greatest gift you could ever receive, and though this world brings suffering, our hope is not in this life but in eternity with Him.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift this precious soul before You, knowing that You see their pain and hear their cries. Lord, we rebuke the spirit of suicide and despair that has taken hold, and we declare that no weapon formed against this life will prosper (Isaiah 54:17). Father, fill them with Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and remind them that You are their hope and their future.
We ask You to break the lies of the enemy and replace them with Your truth. Help them to see that their life has value and purpose in You. Strengthen them during this fast, not for harm, but for spiritual breakthrough. Surround them with Your presence and with believers who can support and encourage them.
Lord, we pray for restoration—for their mind, body, and spirit. Heal the wounds of loss and disappointment, and let them experience Your goodness in new ways. Help them to trust You again, knowing that You are faithful even when we do not understand Your ways.
We declare that You, Lord, are their Provider, their Comforter, and their Redeemer. May they find hope in You alone. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, we pray, Amen.
Beloved, we urge you to reach out to someone you trust—a pastor, a Christian friend, or a counselor. You do not have to walk this path alone. Cling to Jesus, for He is the author and finisher of your faith (Hebrews 12:2). He loves you more than you can imagine, and He is with you in this storm. Do not give up—your story is not over.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
