Terrible parents

[Anonymous]

My parents wanted to get rid of me as a little girl. They gaslight me, neglected me and never told me they loved me and they never gave me any hugs. I got married when I was ### years old, but I am still struggling with my past. I don't have basic adult skills like budgeting, cooking, doing housework and basic things that most adults my age and much younger do have and they take for granted. Please pray for Jesus to repair the damage caused by my parents and others. Please also pray for me to learn basic adulting skills. Please also pray to strengthen my marriage to my husband ###. Thank you so much.

 

[Articles]

We are heartbroken to read what you have shared and we thank you for trusting us with such deep pain from your childhood. To be gaslighted and neglected and to never hear that you are loved or receive a hug from your own parents is a terrible wound, and it is not what God intended for a father and mother to be. What they did was wrong and it grieves the heart of God, for children are a gift from Him and parents are called to nurture and love them. We want you to know that your struggle now with feeling behind in basic adult skills is not a sign of failure on your part, it is the natural result of not being taught and nurtured as you should have been, and there is no shame in needing to learn these things now as an adult.

We rejoice with you that you have called upon Jesus to repair this damage, for He is the One who can truly heal what was broken. When our earthly parents fail us, our Heavenly Father does not. Psalm 27:10 says Even if my father and my mother forsake me, then Yahweh will take me up. And Psalm 147:3 says He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. Isaiah 41:10 reminds us Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness. God sees every tear and every lonely moment you endured as a little girl and He is able to restore what was lost. Romans 8:28 tells us that We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose, and we trust He will use even this painful past for His glory and your healing.

We also rejoice that God has brought you into marriage with your husband. We believe marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman designed by God to reflect His love for His people, and we praise God for your marriage. We pray that He will make it strong and a place of safety and healing for you both. A godly marriage where husband and wife love and serve one another as Christ loves the church, Ephesians 5:25, Ephesians 5:33, can be a powerful picture of the unconditional love you did not receive as a child.

Learning adult skills like budgeting, cooking and keeping a home takes time for anyone, and especially for someone who was never taught. Do not compare yourself to others your age or younger, for God has your own path and timing. James 1:5 says But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. We encourage you to ask Him daily for wisdom in these practical areas. We also encourage you to seek out a godly older woman or wife in your church who can come alongside you, as Titus 2:3-5 describes, that older women may teach the younger women. This is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom to seek mentorship. Start small with one skill at a time, perhaps a simple budget or one meal to learn to cook, and invite your husband to learn and grow with you as a team. Proverbs 31:27 speaks of a wife who looks well to the ways of her household, but this is a lifelong learning, not an instant perfection.

We also gently encourage you to walk toward forgiveness of your parents in God's timing, not to excuse what they did, but to free your own heart from bitterness. Ephesians 4:32 says And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. Forgiveness is a process and we pray God gives you grace for it as He continues to heal you.

We pray together for you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, our only Savior and mediator, and we lift up this dear daughter to You. Lord, You saw her as a little girl when she was neglected and unloved and never embraced, and we ask You to wrap her now in Your perfect love that casts out fear, 1 John 4:18. Heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds. Repair the damage caused by her parents and by others, and replace lies she was told with Your truth that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14, and deeply loved and chosen. Give her Your peace that surpasses all understanding to guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:7. We ask You to teach her and give her wisdom and grace to learn the practical skills she desires for her home, and to not grow discouraged but to find joy in learning. Bless her marriage, Lord, strengthen the covenant between her and her husband, knit their hearts together in love, patience and unity, and make their home a place of safety, affection and godliness. Help her husband to love her as Christ loves the church and to be a source of encouragement and strength. Lead them both closer to You and to each other all the days of their lives. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to stay rooted in the Word daily, to remain in fellowship with believers who can support you, and to consider wise Christian counseling if the pain of the past feels overwhelming. God is patient and His healing is often step by step. Keep seeking Jesus, for He will not forsake you and He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you, Philippians 1:6.

 

[hostadmin]

We heard the ache in your note and we are so glad you reached out. To grow up without hugs, without hearing you were loved, feeling unwanted and then gaslit and neglected, that leaves deep marks. It makes complete sense that you would still feel the effects now, and that everyday things feel harder when no one ever taught you.

Not knowing how to budget or cook or keep a home is not a failure on your part. Those are skills that are usually passed on at home, and when that teaching was missing, you were left to figure it out alone. Please be gentle with yourself as you learn now.

One thing that often helps is to keep it very small and shared. You and your husband might pick just one area to learn together in the coming weeks, maybe one simple meal to cook together, or one simple way to track spending, and ask one trusted, steady person in your church or community to show you how they do it. Learning side by side can take pressure off and also strengthen your marriage as you build new patterns together. If the memories and old hurt still feel heavy, it can also help to talk regularly with a pastor or a Christian counselor who can walk with you over time.

Father, we lift this dear daughter to You. Thank You for the husband You have given her and for her desire to heal. We ask You to bring comfort where there was coldness, and to gently repair what was broken in her childhood. Give her patience and clear steps as she learns practical skills, and draw her and her husband closer together in kindness and understanding. Lead her to safe, supportive people who will teach and encourage her. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Windwold]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your sorrow has been laid before the Lord, and He is not deaf to the cry of a wounded heart. He who heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds knows what it is to be neglected and unloved in childhood, for He was despised and rejected of men, and He knows how to pity with a perfect pity.

There is abundant healing power in Jesus Christ and His salvation. Scripture says the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. Not only His fruit but His leaves, the little touches of His grace, have virtue in them to change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. What your parents withheld, the great Physician can restore. He does not merely point out the disease, He applies the remedy, and His healing and His pardon go together. When He says, thy sins are forgiven thee, healing comes from the pardoning hand.

Do not think that you must first make yourself strong or skilled before you may come to Him. Healing must come before serving. As it was with Peter's wife's mother, His ministry to you must precede your ministry to others. He takes by the hand and lifts up those who lie prostrated by fever and sorrow, and by that contact there is healing in His incarnation, in His nearness, in His tenderness. Come to Him as you are, broken and untaught, and ask Him to do that real saving work which God alone can do.

I will pray that Jesus will repair the damage caused in those early years, that He will wash away the coldness and the neglect with the assurance of His own unfailing love, that He will be to you the perfect Father who never fails to tell His child that she is loved and cherished. I will pray that He who is the Sun of Righteousness will rise upon you with healing in His wings, and that those healing leaves will day by day freshen and restore your spirit.

I will pray also that the Lord will give you grace and wisdom to learn those needful things of daily life which you were never taught. Budgeting, cooking, keeping a home, these are not small things in His sight, for faithfulness in little things is stewardship before Him. Ask Him for teachable hands and a patient heart, and seek the help of godly women and friends in the church who can walk beside you and show you these skills little by little. The Lord who teaches us to profit will not despise your desire to learn.

And I will pray that the Lord will strengthen the covenant of your marriage and knit your heart and your husband's heart together in Christ. May He make your home a place of healing, where love is spoken and shown, where forgiveness and forbearance abound, and where Christ Himself dwells as Head. May He keep you both faithful to the lifelong covenant He has ordained, and make you a comfort and help to one another all your days.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, and give you to taste that His leaves wither not, but are ever green for your healing. Amen.

 

[Violetblue]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.