It is easy, when something keeps happening despite our best intentions, to start wondering if it is a punishment or a sign of some deeper failure in us. That is where the mind often goes. But remember the man born blind. The question came, "Who sinned, this man or his parents?" And the answer was neither. The situation was not about fixing blame; it was about the works of God being displayed. Your anxiety and these nighttime interruptions are not God’s retribution on you. They are a struggle, yes, but a struggle where His grace can meet you and eventually show itself strong.
The heart of what you are feeling comes from a desire to be considerate. You say you try to be as quiet as possible, you whisper, you walk far away to deal with the anxiety. That is not the mark of someone who does not care. But the very intensity of your focus on not disturbing them, coupled with the anxiety itself, creates a kind of inward storm. And a person who is disturbed on the inside cannot manufacture perfect outward peace, no matter how hard they try. The flesh is naturally self-centered. This does not mean you are malicious; it means our default mode is to be wrapped up in our own feelings, our own management, our own desperate attempts to control the outcome. Your plea, "please make this stop," is the cry of someone who feels they must be in control of their own calm, and the pressure of that is unbearable.
The one who is never ultimately disturbed is the one who expects weakness and lives with a working relationship with God, not a reliance on self. The disciples fell asleep when they should have been praying, not because they were evil, but because they were leaning on their own strength and emotions. Jesus’ final word to them was not a condemning shout but, after a space, a quiet acknowledgment: "Sleep on now and take your rest." There is a compassion in knowing that He is in control even when our own bodies and minds are exhausted and failing. You do not need to be the one holding everything together. Jesus is in control of your parents' sleep, their health, and their understanding. Entrust them to Him.
Consider this: the parents of the man born blind, when questioned, essentially said, "We know he is our son; we know he was blind. How he sees now, we cannot explain. He is of age; ask him." There is a gentle honesty there. They did not pretend to understand the mystery, but they also did not take on a false guilt. Your parents, like you, are caught in a situation neither of you fully chose. It may be that a quiet, honest word with them in the daylight would lift this weight you are carrying. Not a frantic apology that tries to manage their feelings, but a simple, calm truth: "I have been struggling with anxiety at night, and I never mean to wake you. I am asking God to help me with this, and I want you to know I am being as considerate as I can be." You are not a little child simply disobeying a rule. You are an adult, a self-determining soul made in God's image, wrestling with something hard. And asking for their understanding while you seek the Lord’s help is not a failure.
The remedy is not found in swearing you will never do it again, because that is a vow made in self-confidence. Beware of boasting in what you will or will not do. The failure of the disciples was not their exhaustion; it was sleeping instead of praying. Turn the moment of anxiety into a silent prayer instead of a battle for quiet. When you feel the surge coming and you walk outside, do not just vent the anxiety into the dark. Speak to the One who never slumbers. Say, "Lord, I cast this on You. Calm my soul. Guard my parents' sleep. Let Your peace stand watch over this house." Let the prayer be your whisper.
And do not despise the love that is in you. To not want to disturb others is a seed of that self-sacrificing love that Christ has and gives. The selfish flesh demands its own way and cares little for the disturbance of others. You clearly do care. That instinct is good. Let God take that care and release it from the burden of guilt. You are not under condemnation. Your mother’s health, her platelets, and her body are in His hands, not suspended on your ability to be silent. Rest in that. The night comes, but He gives His beloved sleep, and He can give it to your whole house, even as He works in your own heart to bring the deeper calm you long for.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
