anonymous7367
Humble Servant of All
Still extreme feelings of HELPLESSNESS and HOPELESSNESS!! No Christmas Spirit. No Christmas Joy! Absolutely NONE!
Only going to church today because I promised my friend I would help her in lighting the Christmas Candles. I want to scream just thinking about Christmas music.
Songs keep playing in my head "Have faith in God, he cannot fail, he must prevail". Those words do not bring me comfort. Reading the Bible des NOT bring me comfort. Praying daily brings me NO comfort.
In just a few days, day after Christmas everything will be gone. I will be homeless, without transportation, and without my husband as he will be filing for divorce because the bills aren't paid. I did NOT create this mess but I am the one being punished. So, no I have no faith left in me. No, I have no belief that God is going to help because he REPEATEDLY tells me He is not. He wants me homeless and divorced again. He wants me to pay for what others have done. I heard him speak this to me. If it were not God speaking, then things would not be the way they are things would be getting better.
I have prayed unsuccessfully for 16 years on several matters, unsuccessfully for over 11 years on another matter, over 9 years on another matter, unsuccessfully all year over our financal situation that I did NOT create. I changed the way I prayed and still God says NO. You don't deserve my love or mercy.
God is in control. I am trying to accept the fact that that means he wants me homeless again, beaten down. I am already beaten down. I refuse to be homeless. I will take my husbands gun and blow my brains out if it comes to this.
God has proven to me REPEATEDLY there are NO miracles in this world. I've done all I can to fix the problems. It is HOPELESS!!!
Only going to church today because I promised my friend I would help her in lighting the Christmas Candles. I want to scream just thinking about Christmas music.
Songs keep playing in my head "Have faith in God, he cannot fail, he must prevail". Those words do not bring me comfort. Reading the Bible des NOT bring me comfort. Praying daily brings me NO comfort.
In just a few days, day after Christmas everything will be gone. I will be homeless, without transportation, and without my husband as he will be filing for divorce because the bills aren't paid. I did NOT create this mess but I am the one being punished. So, no I have no faith left in me. No, I have no belief that God is going to help because he REPEATEDLY tells me He is not. He wants me homeless and divorced again. He wants me to pay for what others have done. I heard him speak this to me. If it were not God speaking, then things would not be the way they are things would be getting better.
I have prayed unsuccessfully for 16 years on several matters, unsuccessfully for over 11 years on another matter, over 9 years on another matter, unsuccessfully all year over our financal situation that I did NOT create. I changed the way I prayed and still God says NO. You don't deserve my love or mercy.
God is in control. I am trying to accept the fact that that means he wants me homeless again, beaten down. I am already beaten down. I refuse to be homeless. I will take my husbands gun and blow my brains out if it comes to this.
God has proven to me REPEATEDLY there are NO miracles in this world. I've done all I can to fix the problems. It is HOPELESS!!!