I am a believer in Jesus Christ never have I denied that, however the fact remains that for so long now I feel like my life is in ruins!!!! I pray every moment of the day to God for help and it just keeps getting worse!!!! I said in my prayer up above that I dont blame God, Infact I have a great relationship to him, I just feel like hes given up on me or that I have been torn for so long that I'm not me no more!!!!! No matter what good I do in life it always back fires on me!!!!! I dont drink never have!!!! I dont do drugs never have!!!! I dont party never have!!!! I waited until i was 28 years old to even have sex!!!! I dont have any crininal records never have!!! I helped my beautiful grandma until the end, I;ve beent taking care of my Mom whos sick and no one else wants to help No one!!!!! I cry all the time about my Father and those who I love who have gone on before me as I miss them so much that I get suffocated when I think of the fact that they are way up there in Heaven and I cant touch them or hold them!!!! I dont preach Gods name in hate!!!!! I dont condemn or Judge!!!! But I am lost as I cant figure out my life and the anger is growing at this world that I feel has ganged up on me and I'm sick of it and its ways!!!!! I'm not perfect. have never said I was and never will!!!! Not one person here on Earth is perfect!!!! But I do believe that when someone keeps beating up on another its just a matter of time before the one gets beaten up goes off the deep edge and fights back with anger!!!!! And thats whats happening to me!!!!