I am a believer in Jesus Christ never have I denied that, however the fact remains that for so long now I feel like my life is in ruins!!!! I pray every moment of the day to God for help and it just keeps getting worse!!!! I said in my prayer up above that I don't blame God, in fact I have a great relationship to him, I just feel like he's given up on me or that I have been torn for so long that I'm not me no more!!!!! No matter what good I do in life it always backfires on me!!!!! I don't drink never have!!!! I don't do drugs never have!!!! I don't party never have!!!! I waited until I was ### years old to even have sex!!!! I don't have any criminal records never have!!! I helped my beautiful grandma until the end, I've been taking care of my Mom who's sick and no one else wants to help No one!!!!! I cry all the time about my Father and those who I love who have gone on before me as I miss them so much that I get suffocated when I think of the fact that they are way up there in Heaven and I can't touch them or hold them!!!! I don't preach God's name in hate!!!!! I don't condemn or Judge!!!! But I am lost as I can't figure out my life and the anger is growing at this world that I feel has ganged up on me and I'm sick of it and its ways!!!!! I'm not perfect. have never said I was and never will!!!! Not one person here on Earth is perfect!!!! But I do believe that when someone keeps beating up on another it's just a matter of time before the one gets beaten up goes off the deep edge and fights back with anger!!!!! And that's what's happening to me!!!!