Shattered Family Relationship

[billwlee]

My wife hated my parents and sisters after they had an argument almost one year ago (2011 lunar new year).

Until now she doesn't want to attend any relatives' weddings or functions from my side. She even has planned to avoid celebrating the coming Lunar New Year in the same city (we are of Chinese descent, and all live in the same city, including my mother and brother-in-laws). In our culture, this is a big disrespect. But still, my mother and my sisters don't have big problem to accept her again as part of the big family for my sake.

I've tried to persuade my wife and even started thinking of threatening her with a separation if she still doesn't listen (I haven't done it as that is quite serious. Financially she doesn't depend on me and earns even better than me currently. We both in our mid and late 30s). It seems my mother-in-law and brother-in-law listen to my wife's side of story and don't really bother to encourage her to be in peace with my side. I myself personally don't have problem with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law.

I really don't know how to solve this bad relationship. Please pray for peace on us (my wife and me are new Christians, all my side of family are not Christians). Thank you.

 

[faithope]

Lord, may billwlee build his marriage on Your sure foundation by surrending his life back to You and seeking You through Your word daily. ANd dear Lord, if this couple is not connected to a church, may they then find the one that You will have them be planted in. May they too seek some godly counselling for their marriage situation through Your church as we ask this in Your mighty Name, Jesus, amen.

 

[billwlee]

Thanks for your prayer, faithope. I and my wife actually go to a church and are active members. One of the elder has known our problem. We love each other, but it is easier for her to love her husband than to respect her husband. My simple request for her to go with me to a wedding of my cousin was rejected furiously. She said I I just want to save my ego and pride in front of my relatives, and don't understand her feeling that she doesn't want to meet any of my relatives. What I know is she never had any problems with my relatives, only with my parents and sisters. When I told her keeping the bitterness/grudge is not biblical, she yield at me not to quote bible when talking to her. I'm totally clueless now on how to improve the situation.

 

[Victoria]

"For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh...."

/>http://www.dearestchristian.com/marriage/leavingcleaving.html

Forgive me for speaking out of turn but have you tried asking her why she does not want to go, and assuring her you will back her, your wife, above all others?

 

[The Encourager]

Let’s Pray… God I ask in Jesus’ name, walk through the homes of all my Christian family members, Christian friends (but especially my home Lord Jesus), and the writer of this prayer, take away all our worries, fears, and doubts that You will come through for us. Come through for us Lord Jesus as You have promised in Your Word. Let Your presence, protection, provision, wisdom, favor, strength, courage, healing and deliverance power rest upon our lives. Let Love and Forgiveness rest in all our homes. Bless us. Supply all our need according to Your riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Bless each of us with the desires of our heart that is the will of God for our lives. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in each of us.

For those seeking employment bless them with new jobs or better jobs. Bless us with promotions, raises, and increase in our finances. Bless each of us with wisdom to become wise stewards over all that You have or will bless us with. Let our lifestyle be shaped by the Word of God. Bless those that are married to be faithful to one another, love one another, and respect the union of marriage. And all my family and friends that are not saved God I ask that You will send someone into their lives and minister the gift of salvation unto them. Save my family and friends Lord Jesus. I ask all of this in Jesus’ name. Amen!!!

 

[billwlee]

"For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh...."

http://www.dearestch...ngcleaving.html

Forgive me for speaking out of turn but have you tried asking her why she does not want to go, and assuring her you will back her, your wife, above all others?

I told her that I'll be with her, I told her we'll present just for lest than 30 minutes, I told her no one presents will be busybody and talk anything unnecessary in a wedding to respect the host, still she said what I prioritize is just my pride in front of my relatives, that I don't care about her feeling (that was hurt by the friction and argumentation with my parents and sister which is almost a year ago). I chose to live away from my parents after the incident. I visit them frequently for it's just a few blocks away. I visit my mother-in-law with my wife when necessary, including my brother-in-law's wedding recently, which my mom also presented for a while. I'm totally lost and feel like to give-up. But I understand as Christian, the "d" word is not allowed.

 

[Victoria]

Yes Bill, But forgive me again but I think I understand her point. You appear to be telling her and 'solving' the problem without hearing her out. Whereas when you married her you promised to put her needs first.... And that means above your family... Or your pride. And yet here you are talking about extreme measures like divorce...

Marriages are hard work. Why don't you ask her and really listen to her feelings and if necessary offer to go alone to the wedding. Meanwhile why don't you date her again. I recommend the Marriage Course by Nicky and Sila Lee http://relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course A year is not a long time in a marriage.. And a wedding or other big family event is not a great place to smooth troubled waters... If your pride is so important you could always say she is not feeling up to it and take a gift from you both...

And once you know what your wife's issues are and have regained her trust, and the pressure of the wedding is off, then maybe you can work out a better solution between you.. Also have you explained to your parents and sister how hurt your wife's feelings were? Have you asked them if they will please apologise to your wife and try to sort things out? Please don't take this the wrong way, it is meant to help you, not judge you. I'm praying that you sort things out..

 

[faithope]

Thanks for your prayer, faithope. I and my wife actually go to a church and are active members. One of the elder has known our problem. We love each other, but it is easier for her to love her husband than to respect her husband. My simple request for her to go with me to a wedding of my cousin was rejected furiously. She said I I just want to save my ego and pride in front of my relatives, and don't understand her feeling that she doesn't want to meet any of my relatives. What I know is she never had any problems with my relatives, only with my parents and sisters. When I told her keeping the bitterness/grudge is not biblical, she yield at me not to quote bible when talking to her. I'm totally clueless now on how to improve the situation.

Sorry billwlee but I just saw your reply today. As you said, you are totally clueless because woman are simply hard to understand...and i am no better either The only clue you know that you can do is let the Lord work through her heart-He knows her heart very well more than she knows it herself

At the same time, pour your heart to Him and tell Him your frustration..He will reveal something to you that will heal you and her heart-He loves you both very much. Seek Him dearly, bilwlee, and you will not be dissapointed-Hebrews 11:6

 

[mysticcricket]

Lord please work all this out and continue to love us let us love you back and be blessed as a child of God. Amen.