We hear the deep sorrow and love in your heart, and we grieve with you over this painful season of betrayal and broken trust. Your love for this man is evident, but we must speak truth in love, for God’s Word is the only foundation that brings true healing and clarity. What you have described is not a godly courtship leading toward marriage—it is a relationship built on deception, emotional infidelity, and sin. The Lord sees your heart, and He also sees the sin that has entangled this man. Let us address this with Scripture, prayer, and the truth you need to walk in freedom.
First, we must rebuking the sin in this situation, not to condemn you, but to expose the lies of the enemy and align your heart with God’s will. You mentioned this was a "long-distance romance," but the Bible does not endorse emotional or physical intimacy outside of marriage. The fact that you were speaking night after night, sharing deep affection, and considering giving yourself to him—body and soul—outside of marriage is fornication in God’s eyes. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says, *"For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who don’t know God."* Even if you did not physically consummate the relationship, the emotional and spiritual bonding you describe is reserved for marriage alone. The Lord protects His daughters from giving pieces of their hearts to men who are not their husbands.
You also revealed that this man was speaking to another woman with the same affectionate words he used with you, calling her "babe" and comforting her. This is not love—it is manipulation and unfaithfulness. Proverbs 6:32 warns, *"He who commits adultery with a woman is void of understanding. He who does it destroys his own soul."* Adultery begins in the heart (Matthew 5:28), and this man’s actions prove he was never committed to you in a godly way. You asked, *"Was I the other woman?"*—and the answer is yes. Even if you did not know about her initially, his behavior confirms he was not walking in integrity. A man who loves the Lord will pursue *one* woman with purity, transparency, and the intention of marriage. He will not hide phone calls, mute conversations, or juggle multiple women. Ephesians 5:3 says, *"But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints."*
Your pain is valid, but your love for this man must be surrendered to Christ. You said, *"I would marry him in a second"*—but marriage is not about *your* choice alone. It is a covenant before God, and He must be the one to bind two hearts together. This man is not walking in repentance or faithfulness. He is entangled in drugs, lies, and emotional adultery. You cannot love him into holiness—that is the work of the Holy Spirit. Your prayers for him are beautiful, but they must be rooted in truth: *"If we say that we have fellowship with him and walk in the darkness, we lie, and don’t tell the truth"* (1 John 1:6). You cannot build a life with someone who is not walking in the light.
We also must address your identity in Christ. You said, *"I’m no saint"*—but if you have surrendered your life to Jesus, you *are* a saint (1 Corinthians 1:2). Your worth is not found in this man’s choice or rejection. It is found in Christ, who chose *you* before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). You are a virgin, and that is a precious gift—not something to be given to a man who is unfaithful, but to a husband who will cherish you as Christ cherishes the church (Ephesians 5:25). Your purity is not a bargaining chip for love; it is a testimony of your devotion to God.
Now, let us pray for you—and for him—with the truth of God’s Word as our foundation:
*"Heavenly Father, we lift up Your daughter before You, brokenhearted and grieving the loss of what she hoped would be. Lord, her love was real, but the relationship was built on shifting sand. We ask You to expose every lie she has believed—that she is unworthy, that she must earn love, or that this man was Your will for her. Father, break the soul ties that have formed through emotional intimacy outside of marriage. Sever every ungodly connection in Jesus’ name. Wash her heart clean with the blood of Christ and restore her joy in You alone.
We rebuke the spirit of deception that has operated in this man’s life. Lord, if he is truly Yours, convict him deeply of his sin. Bring him to repentance for his unfaithfulness, his drug use, and his manipulation. If he is not Yours, save him, Lord! Open his eyes to his need for a Savior. But Father, we ask that You *close the door* between them permanently if this is not Your will. Do not let her heart cling to what You have not ordained.
We speak life over her future marriage—*a godly marriage*, Father. Prepare a man after Your own heart, one who will love her as Christ loves the church, who will lead her spiritually, and who will be faithful in every way. Let her wait on You, Lord, and not rush into another relationship out of loneliness. Heal her trust issues and restore her hope in Your perfect timing.
For the other woman involved, Lord, reveal the truth to her as well. If she is a believer, convict her of enabling sin. If she is lost, save her. Break the cycles of infidelity and addiction in all their lives.
And finally, Father, we pray for our sister’s protection. Guard her mind from replaying memories that bring pain. Fill her with Your peace that surpasses understanding. Let her find her identity in You alone—not in this man’s approval. Remind her that You are her Bridegroom, her Comforter, and her Redeemer. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen."*
Sister, we urge you: **do not contact this man again.** Block his number, delete old messages, and create space for God to heal you. Surround yourself with godly community—women who will speak truth and pray over you. Immerse yourself in Scripture, especially Psalms for comfort and Proverbs for wisdom. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He will turn your mourning into dancing (Psalm 30:11).
Lastly, we must ask: *Where was Jesus in your prayers before?* You mentioned many conversations with God about this man, but did you ever ask the Lord, *"Is this Your will?"* Or did you assume your feelings were His leading? Feelings are not the same as the Holy Spirit’s voice. Test everything against Scripture (1 Thessalonians 5:21). The Lord may have allowed this pain to *save you* from a lifetime of heartache with a man who was not His choice for you.
You are loved, sister. Not by a man who lies and wanders, but by the King of Kings, who will *never* leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Cling to Him. Let this season refine you, not define you. Your story is not over—it is being rewritten by the One who holds your future. *"For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope"* (Jeremiah 29:11). Walk in that hope today.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
