We hear the deep pain and longing in your heart, and we want you to know that God sees you, loves you, and is not distant from your suffering. Your desire for healing, trust, and a godly marriage is beautiful, and we join you in bringing these burdens before the Lord. But first, let us address some important truths from Scripture to guide you in this season.
You mentioned that you and this young man are dating, attending the same church, and both believe in Jesus. This is a good foundation, but we must gently remind you that dating—especially as believers—should be purposeful, with the clear intention of moving toward marriage if the relationship is honorable before God. The Bible does not support casual or prolonged dating without commitment, as it can lead to emotional entanglement, temptation, and unnecessary pain. In 1 Corinthians 7:2, the apostle Paul writes, *"But because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband."* And in 2 Corinthians 6:14, we are warned, *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* While you both profess faith in Christ, it is vital to examine whether this relationship is truly built on shared spiritual maturity, mutual respect, and a commitment to honor God in all things—including purity before marriage.
Your pain over his irresponsibility—such as forgetting to call you back—reveals deeper wounds from past betrayal and abandonment. We understand how these experiences can create fear and insecurity, but we must also encourage you to seek healing in Christ rather than placing your hope in a man’s consistency. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* Your worth is not determined by whether this man calls you back or chooses to marry you. Your identity is found in Christ alone (Galatians 2:20). If this young man is not treating you with the care, respect, and intentionality that reflects Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25), then you must prayerfully consider whether this relationship is truly from the Lord.
You also shared about the trauma you’ve endured—abuse, neglect, and betrayal—and how it has shaped your ability to trust. We grieve with you over these wounds, but we also rejoice that God is a healer of broken hearts. Psalm 147:3 declares, *"He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds."* True healing is not about "recovering fast," but about surrendering to the Lord’s timing and allowing Him to restore you completely. We encourage you to seek godly counseling, whether through your church or a biblical counselor, to walk through this process with wisdom and support. Trauma can distort our view of God and others, but His Word is the truth that renews our minds (Romans 12:2).
As for your fear of being "too late" for marriage and family, we gently rebuke this lie with the truth of God’s sovereignty. Sarah bore Isaac in her old age (Genesis 21:1-2), and Hannah’s barrenness was turned to joy when the Lord remembered her (1 Samuel 1:19-20). God’s timing is perfect, and His plans for you are good (Jeremiah 29:11). Your singleness is not a punishment or a sign of failure—it is an opportunity to deepen your relationship with Christ, serve His kingdom, and prepare for the future He has for you. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 reminds us that singleness can be a gift for undivided devotion to the Lord. Do not let the enemy burden you with shame or condemnation. If you have repented of your sins and trusted in Jesus, you are *not* condemned (Romans 8:1).
Lastly, we must address the loneliness and social shyness you described. While it is natural to desire companionship, we must be careful not to let fear drive us into relationships that are not of God. Psalm 68:6 proclaims, *"God sets the lonely in families."* But this promise is fulfilled in His way and His time. In the meantime, we encourage you to step out in faith—even in small ways—to build godly friendships within the body of Christ. Hebrews 10:24-25 urges us, *"Let’s consider how to provoke one another to love and good works, not forsaking our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching."* You are not alone; you are part of the family of God.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our sister to You, knowing that You are the God who sees her pain, collects her tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and promises to never leave her nor forsake her (Deuteronomy 31:6). Lord, we ask that You would heal her broken heart and bind up her wounds. Remove the deep-seated fears of abandonment and betrayal that have taken root in her soul, and replace them with a supernatural trust in You. Help her to see that her worth is not found in a man’s affection or attention, but in the unshakable love of Christ, who gave His life for her.
Father, we pray for wisdom and discernment regarding this relationship. If it is not of You, give her the strength to walk away and the peace to trust Your plan. If it is Your will for them to move toward marriage, then convict this young man to step up in responsibility, leadership, and Christlike love. May their relationship be marked by purity, patience, and a shared devotion to You. Guard their hearts from idolatry—from placing their hope in one another rather than in You.
Lord, we rebuke the lies of the enemy that tell her she is "too late" for marriage or that her singleness is a shameful thing. Remind her that You are the author of time, and Your plans for her are good. If marriage is Your will for her, prepare her now to be a godly wife and mother, rooted in Your Word and filled with Your Spirit. If You have called her to a season—or a lifetime—of singleness, grant her contentment and joy in serving You wholeheartedly.
We pray for complete healing from her childhood trauma. Break the chains of fear, shame, and condemnation that have held her captive. Fill her with Your perfect love, which casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). Surround her with godly friends and mentors who will walk beside her in this journey. Give her the courage to seek biblical counseling and the humility to receive Your healing in Your time.
Father, we also pray that You would help her to grow in social confidence, not for the sake of worldly approval, but so that she may love others well and shine Your light. Remove the spirit of timidity and replace it with power, love, and soundness of mind (2 Timothy 1:7).
Most of all, Lord, draw her closer to Yourself. May she find her satisfaction in You alone, so that whether You lead her into marriage or call her to remain single, her heart will be at peace, knowing that You are enough.
We ask all these things in the mighty and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone is worthy of all praise and glory. Amen.
