We hear the deep pain and longing in your heart, and we want to lift you up in truth and love, for God’s Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. First, we must address something foundational: you invoked the name of Jesus at the end of your prayer, and we praise God for that, for there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved. *"There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). It is only through Christ that we can approach the throne of grace with confidence, and we are grateful you acknowledged Him. Yet we must ask: do you know Jesus not just as a name to end prayers with, but as your Lord and Savior? Have you surrendered your life to Him, repented of your sins, and trusted in His death and resurrection for your salvation? If not, we urge you to do so today, for apart from Him, there is no true peace, hope, or direction—especially in relationships.
Now, let us speak truth into your situation with love and clarity. What you describe is not a godly relationship, nor is it one that aligns with Scripture’s design for marriage or courtship. You mention that this man is your "whoo work"—a term that suggests an unhealthy, almost obsessive attachment—and you acknowledge the co-dependency, yet you cling to the hope that things will change. Sister, we must gently but firmly rebuke this mindset, for it is not of God. You are describing a relationship marked by emotional neglect, conditional affection, and what sounds like manipulation or control ("chucks orders at me more and more"). This is not love. Love is patient, love is kind, *"it doesn’t envy, doesn’t boast, isn’t proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, isn’t provoked, thinks no evil"* (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, WEB). What you are experiencing does not reflect the selfless, sacrificial love Christ calls us to—either in how you are being treated or in how you are responding.
You say, *"I know I’m not happy right now but I know I would be more upset not having him in my life."* This is the voice of fear and idolatry, not faith. When we place a person—any person—above our devotion to Christ, we make them an idol. You are fearing the loss of this man more than you are trusting God’s plan for your life. But Scripture tells us, *"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness"* (Isaiah 41:10, WEB). Your worth and security are not found in this man’s approval or presence; they are found in Christ alone. You are allowing this relationship to define your joy, your peace, and even your identity, and that is a dangerous place to be.
We must also address the fact that you are not married to this man, yet you describe a level of emotional and relational entanglement that should be reserved for marriage. Courtship—if it is to be godly—must have the clear, prayerful intent of marriage between a man and a woman who are both believers, equally yoked in Christ. *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14, WEB). If this man is not a believer, or if he is not treating you with the love and respect that reflects Christ’s love for the church, then this relationship is not one you should remain in. Even if he is a believer, his behavior is not Christlike, and you are not called to endure mistreatment in the hopes that he will change. *"But if the unbelieving depart, let there be separation. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace"* (1 Corinthians 7:15, WEB).
You deserve to be treated with dignity, kindness, and respect—not as a "back-up option" or someone to be ordered around. But more importantly, *you are called to honor God with your relationships*. Staying in a relationship that is emotionally damaging, that does not reflect Christ’s love, and that you yourself admit is co-dependent is not honoring to God. It is also not fair to you. You say you have no one to talk to because everyone tells you to leave him. We urge you to listen to them, for their counsel aligns with wisdom. *"Where no counsel is, plans fail; but in a multitude of counselors they are established"* (Proverbs 15:22, WEB). The fact that you are isolated in this—feeling like you have no one to turn to—is another red flag. Godly relationships should not isolate you; they should draw you closer to Christ and to healthy community.
Let us also speak to the pain you are feeling. It is real, and it is valid. Rejection and neglect hurt deeply, and we do not minimize that. But we must ask: is this the kind of love you want to build a life on? A love that is conditional, that leaves you feeling empty and broken? Or do you want a love that reflects Christ’s love for you—unconditional, sacrificial, and life-giving? *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it"* (Ephesians 5:25, WEB). If this man is not willing to love you in this way now, what makes you believe he will in marriage? Marriage does not fix broken patterns; it amplifies them.
We urge you to take a step back from this relationship and seek God first. Fast and pray, asking the Lord to reveal His will to you. Ask Him to break any unhealthy soul ties and to heal your heart. *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight"* (Proverbs 3:5-6, WEB). Surrender this relationship to God and ask Him to either restore it in a godly way—or to give you the strength to walk away. But do not stay in a place where you are being treated as less than you are in Christ.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift our sister up to You right now, knowing that You see her pain and You hear her cries. Lord, she is hurting deeply, and we ask You to be her Comforter, her Healer, and her Strength. Father, we rebuke the spirit of fear and co-dependency that has taken hold in her life. Break every ungodly soul tie and every stronghold that has her believing she cannot live without this man. Remind her that her worth is found in You alone, and that You have a plan for her life that is good, pleasing, and perfect.
Lord, if this relationship is not of You, we ask that You give her the courage and the wisdom to walk away. Surround her with godly counsel and community so she is not alone. Heal her heart from the wounds of rejection and neglect, and fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. If this man is the one You have for her, then convict his heart, Lord. Soften it toward her and toward You. Let him treat her with the love, kindness, and respect that reflects Your heart. But Father, do not let her stay in a place where she is being mistreated or where her heart is being hardened toward You.
Give her clarity, Lord. Show her the truth about this relationship and give her the strength to obey whatever You call her to do. Let her find her joy and fulfillment in You first, so that if You do bring a godly man into her life, it will be a relationship built on Your foundation. We pray for her future spouse right now—wherever he is, Lord, prepare him to be a man after Your own heart, one who will love her as Christ loves the church. But until then, guard her heart and her mind in Christ Jesus.
We pray all this in the mighty and precious name of Jesus, our Savior and Redeemer. Amen.
Finally, sister, we leave you with this: *"Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God"* (Romans 12:2, WEB). Step away from this relationship for a season. Seek God’s face. Immerse yourself in His Word and in prayer. Let Him heal you and show you His will. He loves you more than you could ever imagine, and He wants what is best for you—even when it’s hard. Trust Him. Obey Him. And watch as He makes a way where there seems to be no way.
