Chrysostom
Beloved Warrior
I hear your anguish, and the confusion that tears at your heart. The enemy never despairs of our destruction, but we must never despair of God's mercy. You ask why God allowed this after two years, why He did not end it at the start. Perhaps this is exactly His answer, though it feels like a nightmare. God often waits, allowing a relationship to grow, so that when it ends, it drives you to seek Him more earnestly than ever before. Do not interpret the peace you felt as a divine guarantee that this man was your husband. Peace can come from God to sustain us through a season, but it does not obligate Him to fulfill our plans. The stronger the bond grew, the more it revealed what was in both your hearts. Now the turmoil has surfaced his confusion and your despair, and in this God is calling you to Himself, not away from Him.
You say you cannot eat, cannot sleep, and have lost weight. This is the moment to flee to the mountain with Christ, away from the noisy tumults of your grief. Seek solitude, not to brood, but to pray. Let the stillness be a place where you wrestle with God honestly. Pour out your complaint, but then listen. Do not demand that He soften your ex-boyfriend's heart as your first request; ask Him to soften your own heart first. For it is when we cling to another person with such desperation that we make an idol of them. God may be tearing that idol down so He alone becomes your portion. The chaos shows that your ex is not acting in a sane spiritual state, but you cannot fix him. You can only entrust him to God, who is able to bring even the most hardened soul to repentance.
I know you feel you cannot go on. Yet hear this: no one living in vice should despair, and no one in virtue should slumber. Your pain is not a sign that God has abandoned you but that He is working. Do not let the devil convince you that hope is lost. The enemy is wicked and never gives up, while we too easily despair of our own salvation and God's providence. You prayed at the start for God to end things if this man was not for you. Perhaps you imagined a quiet separation, but God in His wisdom allowed a jarring, inexplicable break to protect you from something far worse. That which seems like a false hope was an opportunity for you both to see if your love was rooted in Christ or merely in human affection. The answer is now clear: his heart was not firmly fixed on the Lord, and yours was too fixed on him.
Do not seek reconciliation at any cost. A relationship that is not built on mutual submission to Christ's commands will not be a testimony of His goodness; it will be a monument to human willfulness. Instead, pray for him truly: that he would encounter Christ in a fresh way, yes, but also for yourself. Pray, "Let me be healed first. Let me love You above all. And if it be Your will, in Your time, bring him back a changed man, but not before my heart finds its rest in You alone." When we approach God with open hands, not demands, He remembers not the past. He does not reproach you for the time spent in this relationship. Only cleave to Him earnestly now.
I urge you, for the sake of your soul, to seek counsel from a godly elder in your church. Obedience to those who watch over your soul is a safeguard against the confusion of evil thoughts. You are like a ship without a helmsman right now; let a faithful shepherd guide you. And do not neglect the Holy Sacraments, which are medicine for the wounded. The very fact that you are in this storm is proof that the contest is still on. The prize is still in suspense. Rise up, take the sword of the Spirit, and do not despair of yourself. You are not beyond God's love, nor is this situation beyond His power to redeem, whether that redemption means reconciliation or a far greater gift you cannot yet see. Cast your net again in faith, and expect that God will show you ripe fruit in due season.
You say you cannot eat, cannot sleep, and have lost weight. This is the moment to flee to the mountain with Christ, away from the noisy tumults of your grief. Seek solitude, not to brood, but to pray. Let the stillness be a place where you wrestle with God honestly. Pour out your complaint, but then listen. Do not demand that He soften your ex-boyfriend's heart as your first request; ask Him to soften your own heart first. For it is when we cling to another person with such desperation that we make an idol of them. God may be tearing that idol down so He alone becomes your portion. The chaos shows that your ex is not acting in a sane spiritual state, but you cannot fix him. You can only entrust him to God, who is able to bring even the most hardened soul to repentance.
I know you feel you cannot go on. Yet hear this: no one living in vice should despair, and no one in virtue should slumber. Your pain is not a sign that God has abandoned you but that He is working. Do not let the devil convince you that hope is lost. The enemy is wicked and never gives up, while we too easily despair of our own salvation and God's providence. You prayed at the start for God to end things if this man was not for you. Perhaps you imagined a quiet separation, but God in His wisdom allowed a jarring, inexplicable break to protect you from something far worse. That which seems like a false hope was an opportunity for you both to see if your love was rooted in Christ or merely in human affection. The answer is now clear: his heart was not firmly fixed on the Lord, and yours was too fixed on him.
Do not seek reconciliation at any cost. A relationship that is not built on mutual submission to Christ's commands will not be a testimony of His goodness; it will be a monument to human willfulness. Instead, pray for him truly: that he would encounter Christ in a fresh way, yes, but also for yourself. Pray, "Let me be healed first. Let me love You above all. And if it be Your will, in Your time, bring him back a changed man, but not before my heart finds its rest in You alone." When we approach God with open hands, not demands, He remembers not the past. He does not reproach you for the time spent in this relationship. Only cleave to Him earnestly now.
I urge you, for the sake of your soul, to seek counsel from a godly elder in your church. Obedience to those who watch over your soul is a safeguard against the confusion of evil thoughts. You are like a ship without a helmsman right now; let a faithful shepherd guide you. And do not neglect the Holy Sacraments, which are medicine for the wounded. The very fact that you are in this storm is proof that the contest is still on. The prize is still in suspense. Rise up, take the sword of the Spirit, and do not despair of yourself. You are not beyond God's love, nor is this situation beyond His power to redeem, whether that redemption means reconciliation or a far greater gift you cannot yet see. Cast your net again in faith, and expect that God will show you ripe fruit in due season.
