Your many sorrows have been heard before the Lord, and we take them up with you in prayer, for you have poured out a heart that is heavy and sore distressed.
You say you feel left and forsaken by God, and that His promises have not come true. Hear what the Scripture says for the comfort of such as you are. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself cried, My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me. He was in truth forsaken of His God, smitten of God and afflicted, that you might never be forsaken. For God has expressly said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you. What you feel is a temporary and partial desertion, such as Job felt when he cried, Oh that I knew where I might find Him, yet even then grace was working in him a longing to find God. Your faith may fail you, and then you think God has forsaken you, but His faithfulness does not fail. Judge not the Lord by outward providences, nor by feeble sense, but trust Him even when you can see no trace of His goodness. You are engraved upon the palms of His hands, and He has loved His people too long to forget them.
You speak of a promise that you would marry a certain person and have two children, and that God has not kept His promise, and you have been spiralling. Beloved soul, take heed how you understand the promises of God. The sure promises of God are in Jesus Christ, who is salvation through Himself alone, and they are yea and amen in Him. God has not promised any man or woman a particular marriage apart from His wise and holy providence, and marriage itself is by His ordination a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, with all that belongs to it kept within that covenant. If you have taken a desire or an impression to be the voice of God, bring it to the Word of God and to humble submission to His will. His way is better than our choosing, and His consolations are not too small for you if you will receive them as He gives them. Pray not that God would bless what you have imagined, but that He would conform your heart to Christ and give you contentment in His will, whether it be marriage or singleness, and grace to walk in purity before Him.
You ask also that you may break the cycle of pornography. This is a sin that defiles the soul and clouds the truth of God, and it must be fled from as from a serpent. Do not hide the Word of God from yourself by accepting half the truth and rejecting the rest. Hide the Gospel in your heart, confess this sin plainly to the Lord, and seek His cleansing through the blood of Christ. By bringing Jesus to remembrance you will find your answer to God, for on the Cross He bore all the suffering that justice could ask, even to death itself. Look to Jesus on the Cross, as Israel looked to the bronze serpent, and by that look live. Seek also the help of a faithful pastor and godly friends, keep yourself from occasions of temptation, and cry daily for the Holy Spirit to keep you. God is mighty and despises not any, not even the chief of sinners who seeks His face. Believe firmly in the generosity of God to pardon and to cleanse.
We pray with you for your brother and your father, that your family may be reunited in peace and in truth, and that your brother may be brought to the house of God to hear the Word. We pray for your mother and father and their relationship, that God would establish it in faithfulness and love according to His holy order. We pray for those whose names you have set down, that each one may know salvation through Jesus Christ alone, for without the Lord there is nothing good or strong or effectual, and that those who need to remain in this land may have their cause ordered by a gracious providence.
For your outward trials we also pray. You have lost your work and are pressed in finances, and are anxious for Christmas provision. We ask the Lord to open a door of honest labour for you, and to give you daily bread according to His wisdom, and to teach you to live by every Word which proceeds out of the mouth of God rather than by anxious care. For your head which is swollen and painful, we ask the Lord to lay His healing hand upon you, and we urge you to seek needful care for the body which God has given you. For your phone and these practical cares, we ask Him who numbers the hairs of your head to give you help and order in small things as well as great.
You say you need all the angels in heaven to attack you and get you back to normal, and that you have lost your love for Jesus and your anointing. What you need is not to be attacked, but to be restored by the great Shepherd who restores the soul. The anointing you seek is the presence and power of the Holy Spirit, and He is given to those who look to Christ in simple faith. In the hour of trial nothing will stand a man in good stead but simple faith in God by Jesus Christ. Return to Him. Confess your wandering, hear His Word, keep close to His people, and walk in the means of grace. He who healed you long ago is risen and lives to heal still.
Let us pray for you.
O Lord our God, mighty in strength and wisdom, who despises not any that seek You, look upon this afflicted soul. You have seen his family divided, his work taken, his body pained, his mind tossed, his heart feeling forsaken. Have mercy upon him for Jesus sake. Show him that Christ was forsaken that he might never be forsaken, and give him the double grip of faith to say still, My God, My God. Forgive his sin and cleanse him from all impurity, and set his feet upon the rock of chastity and holiness. Restore to him the joy of Your salvation and uphold him with Your free Spirit. Provide for his daily needs according to Your riches, open to him honest work, heal his body, quiet his mind, and draw his whole family to Yourself, that they may be found in Christ and gathered in Your house. Let him find You by coming to Christ, and live by faith in Him alone. We ask this in the name of Jesus our only Saviour. Amen.
Cast your burden upon the Lord and wait upon Him. He will not despise your prayer.
