We hear your cry and we stand with you in prayer, for we know the weight of feeling far from God while screaming inside for His presence, for healing, for children, and for freedom.
You feel that God is a billion miles away and that Jesus does not care for you, but His Word tells us the opposite. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Romans 8:38-39 assures us that nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Your feelings are real, but they are not the truth. The truth is that if you draw near to God, He will draw near to you, James 4:8. He has not moved away from you, and He hears every inward scream.
We also want to address with love and truth some things you shared that need to be brought into the light. You mentioned being damaged by things online and wanting to be free from pornography. This is a serious spiritual battle and we must call it what Scripture calls it, sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Pornography defiles the mind, hardens the heart, and opens a door to the enemy, and it must be repented of and forsaken. We rebuke this bondage in Jesus name and we urge you to turn from it completely, to make no provision for it, and to walk in purity. 1 John 1:9 promises If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God will forgive and cleanse you as you confess and turn away, and He will give you strength to walk free.
You also said you would become a pastor if you have two children. We understand your deep longing for children, for children are a gift from God. Psalm 127:3 says Behold, children are a heritage of Yahweh. The fruit of the womb is his reward. It is good to desire children and to ask God for them, but we must not bargain with God or make ministry conditional. A calling to be a pastor is not a trade, it is a calling from God that requires character, maturity, and qualification. 1 Timothy 3:1 says If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a good work. We encourage you to seek God for His will for your life and for ministry because you love Him and want to shepherd His people, not only if He gives you what you desire. We pray that you will surrender your desire for children fully to Him, trusting His perfect timing and His perfect will.
You feel spiritually under attack, spiritually a mess, and that your mind needs to be freed. We believe you are in a spiritual battle, and Scripture is clear about this. Ephesians 6:12 says For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. We are to put on the full armor of God, Ephesians 6:11, and to submit to God and resist the devil and he will flee from you, James 4:7. Part of this battle is taking every thought captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. We must also be renewed by the transforming of our minds, Romans 12:2, by filling our minds with the Word and not with what harms us online.
You also mentioned your health, your relationship with your brother and your loved one, and your desire for a regular job that provides well and not just minimum wage, and even practical things for the church like speakers and a coffee machine. God cares about every detail of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 says In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. We pray for reconciliation in your relationships, for God to provide meaningful work, and for your finances, as we seek first His Kingdom, Matthew 6:33.
We now pray together for you.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before Your throne of grace and we lift up this dear one to You. We ask that You make Your presence known in a powerful and tangible way, that the sense of distance would be broken and that he would know You are near to the brokenhearted. Lord, we rebuke every demonic attack and every stronghold over his mind and body, and we command in Jesus name that every unclean influence tied to pornography and to what has damaged him online must go and stay gone. Cleanse him, forgive him, and set him free, and fill him with Your Holy Spirit. Renew his mind and heal his body as You have healed him before, for You are the same yesterday, today and forever. We ask for healing in his mind, for peace that surpasses understanding, and for freedom from torment. Father, we bring his deep longing for children before You, and we ask for Your will to be done, that You would grant children according to Your perfect plan and that he would trust You even in the waiting. We pray for his calling, that if You have called him to be a pastor, that You would confirm it and equip him to serve You faithfully regardless of circumstances. We pray for restoration in his relationship with his brother and with his loved one, for forgiveness and love to abound. We pray for provision, for a good and regular job that meets his needs and allows him to honor You, and we ask You to provide for the needs of his church as You see fit. Let him know without doubt that Jesus does care for him, that Jesus died and rose for him, and that through Jesus he has full access to You. Restore his joy, his hope, and his strength, and let him walk in freedom and wholeness. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
